Total EC failure...anyone else?

[scheelimama]

I think I did everything right, starting from 2 months on. We weren't as hardcore as some, I did use cloth diapers, but took her potty often, she went in the potty more often than in her diaper. She started signing "potty" at 4 months old when she needed to go. She did so well until around a year old when she started walking. She's got an extremely stubborn personality and she just would scream when I tried to put her on the potty. We had lots of ups and downs after than. I didn't want to be controlling or force the issue, so we'd go weeks, even months sometimes without her going on the potty at all. Then she'd have an almost perfect EC week, going on the potty exclusively, except for poops. She hardly ever went poop on the potty once she started walking and I wasn't as in tune with her. I think before that, it was all me, knowing when she needed to go.

Now, she's nearly 3 years old and still not potty trained. I really truly think she doesn't get when she needs to poop. She'll tell me afterwards, but she doesn't hide, she genuinely seems like she doesn't get it. Is that normal?

My friends and family of course have had a lot of good laughs at my expense, I'm the only EC'ing person they've ever met, so they think it's a lot of hooey. I'm just tired of feeling like I've been potty training forever.

I am not EC'ing my baby. He's 9 months old and I've only gone as far as putting him on the potty when I go to change him and he's unexpectedly dry or sometimes for a poop if it's really obvious and I know it will be easier for him on the toilet. And before baths.

So, any other total EC failures? And promise me she will eventually potty train. I feel like I've caused this because she's such a stubborn child and a bit of a control freak and by me "making" her potty when she was a baby, she's gone to the other extreme.

[hrsmom]

You didn't cause this by giving her the opportunity to eliminate somewhere other than her diaper when she was a baby. My baby was much more into it when she was tiny, we had a huge strike that lasted at least 7 months. Your daughter just has her own ideas about things, that's a good thing! She won't be potty training forever.

I read that the average age of EC graduation is a range from (somewhere- 18 months?) on up to 36 months. Some EC babes are not fully grads until 36 months or beyond. It's not a failure.

You're doing great, raising two little ones! No laughs here, just respect for you, Mama!

[yamilee21]

We have a lot of similarities in our EC experience. With my son, we started EC at 6 weeks, part-time, gradually increasing it to pretty much full-time by the time he was 14 months. We did use cloth diapers, but also did short diaper-free periods. He never had an accident-free day until he was past 2 years old. He appeared to be "trained" around 2 1/2, but that only lasted 4ish months, until his sister was born. Then he gradually regressed and regressed. Finally, quite abruptly, he trained for good three months before his 4th birthday (sort of; he still has trouble doing things like wiping, at 5 years old).

I did not intend to EC my daughter at all, but she was going through so many diapers by 9 days old, and her signals were so obvious that it seemed worthwhile. And it was, for her first year. But here she is at 27 months, completely uninterested in the potty, unwilling to take herself, content to walk around in wet/soiled pants.

All of my cousins' children were conventionally potty-trained, none of them had the issues my son did. My entire family thinks EC is utter nonsense (even though my parents' generation all practiced "late-start" EC with my generation), and to be honest, I do too sometimes at this point. All I can say on the truly positive side is that I had fewer diapers to wash, and my kids generally avoided diaper rash. That's about it, and that doesn't make for great selling points in a goal-oriented society like the U.S. I probably will do some EC with my spring 2011 baby, but I know better now than to expect any "results" beyond a decrease in diaper laundry, . I don't consider myself an EC failure, and neither should you. All kids are different, and they all eventually potty-train, somehow.

[scheelimama]

Thanks ladies for the encouragement. You're right yamilee, she rarely had a diaper rash as a baby and we had far fewer diapers to wash.

[StefanieS]

It is such a relief to read this! I am having a very similar experience with my daughter, who is 3 yrs 5 mos. We did EC from about 2 mos, not 100% of the time but did cloth diapers and a lot of bottomless time. We switched to underwear at 14 mos and I was feeling great (smug, even!) about the whole EC thing. Currently, though, she still wets her underwear several times a day and even sometimes poops  little in her underwear. (She almost always saved poop for the potty from about 8 mos on until recently!) I feel like we were very successful at getting her to go when on the potty, not so successful at getting her to communicate and initiate. She did say "potty" when she had to go when she was younger. Now, if you ask her if she has to go potty, she will automatically say no. I really don't want to force her, but feel so much frustration and just want to keep those underwear dry! Like Alisha said, I just feel like we've been potty training forever! We hold our 6 month old son over the sink when he wakes or when it seems to be time, and he almost always goes, but again I feel like we are not focusing on getting him to communicate, which was really the piece that didn't develop with our daughter. I just feel so glad to know we are not alone in this experience. I really was (and am?) sold on the concept of EC, but wish I had a better time of it!

[MrsWhite]

oh I'm so relieved to read this!  We're having a similar experience... we part-time EC'd from 3 weeks old (diapers when we were out & diaper free at home), DD never gave signals for pee so it was just timing and a lot of misses, especially after she started crawling (at 5 months!).  She's been 100% in the potty with poop for the last year, she doesn't tell us when she needs to go but I can tell she is trying, so I take her.  There was a period from about 17-19 months when she would tell me when she needed to go or even take herself on occasion, but now she hates the potty.  She's 23 months old and we have maybe a few pees in the potty all day long,  I ask her if she needs to go and she always says "no" even if she pees 10 seconds later.  like somebody else said - it feels like I've been potty training forever and its SO discouraging when non-EC'd kids are potty trained already, I know you aren't supposed to compare, and she's not even 2 yet, but seriously I think its made being fully potty trained harder since going on the potty is old hat, not new & exciting.  I debate between totally forgoing anymore potty trips until she initiates it since she resists so much now, but every time I decide I'm going to do that - I just can't seem to stop taking her to the potty since its what I've done multiple times a day since she was a newborn!  And like yamilee - next time I won't expect anything beyond fewer diapers to wash and no diaper rash.  sigh...

[scheelimama]

If it makes you all feel any better, my awesome EC'ed baby (until between 10-12 months when she went on strike, and had several full panty weeks off an on over the next few years, but nothing consistent), is now fully potty trained!  I was very frustrated in the fall when I posted this originally.  About 2 months ago (she was about 3 years 4 months old), she potty trained, day and night, literally overnight.  She just decided she was ready I guess.  I did encourage it by running out of disposable pull-ups (I had gotten tired of cloth with her and had taken a break for a few months) and refusing to buy any more.  I told her she could wear cloth diapers or panties, her choice.  She wore cloth diapers on and off for a week, but mostly just didn't wear any bottoms and did pretty good.  At the end of that week she decided she was ready for panties and has only had a few accidents since.  

It was so long in coming and did feel like nearly 3 1/2 years of potty training.  I only occasionally put my 15 month old on the potty.  If I catch him at the beginning of a poop or if he wants some nakey time, he goes on the potty.  Only a few times a week though, with no expectations from me.  I think this is a better place for me to be.  

[porttack]

Originally Posted by MrsWhite 

but seriously I think its made being fully potty trained harder since going on the potty is old hat, not new & exciting.

maybe a new potty seat?