Originally Posted by jkpmomtoboys
Well the thing about many, many NICU experiences is that there is virtually no attachment due to PTSD issues relating to the early birth. It is helpful of course to do Kangaroo care if possible, but I had no (seriously, NO) attachment to my son for many, many months. Yes, I wanted to get him the hell out of the NICU but emotional attachment? No way. And that had everything to do with my PTSD from the birth.
Don't know if that helps - but there has been a lot of research done on PTSD as it relates to preemie birth and I wish more hospital staff understood the ramifications of that.
(Oh, my son was 29w and was in the NICU for 50 days.)
I'm having this problem now. My son was planned...I was told I may not be able to have kids. I've always wanted a child more than anything, so we started trying right away. We were fairly surprised when I was pregnant after only 4 months of trying. He was born by c-section at 32 weeks because I had preeclampsia. I never felt like I was at the hospital because I had a baby, I felt like I was there because I was sick. I was on Magnesium before my c-section and it made me feel terrible. I remember thinking, "ok let's call the nurse and have her take this crap out of my arm, I'm going home." I thought the same thing during my c-section. I wasn't excited about the baby coming...I felt like just jumping off the table and walking out the door, with or without a baby. They showed me the baby after the section, and I had a terrible look on my face. I always thought that when a mother sees her baby the first time, she instantly falls in love. I didn't. It was a very disappointing experience. After 29 days in the NICU, I brought my baby home yesterday, and I still don't feel like I've had a baby, I don't feel like he's mine. I'm glad he's not in the NICU anymore, but I'm not emotionally connected to him at all. I feel like I'm babysitting someone else's baby and they're gonna come pick him up anytime now, and I'll just go back to my life the way it was before I had him and that would be OK. The fact that I feel that way bothers me SO much but I don't know what to do about it except deal with it the best I can and hope that emotional attachment comes sooner rather than later.
As far as my experience in the NICU, the most frustrating thing was NO ONE was on the same page. You could ask the same question to 3 different people and get three different answers.
Example: the first time we got to hold our son, the nurse said we could hold him 30 minutes once a day. The next day we had a different nurse, and she said no more than 10 minutes a day.
Another example: Our NICU allows siblings over the age of 2 to visit for 15 minutes a day. My baby is an only child, but I have a 5 year old brother that is so excited to be an uncle and couldn't wait to see his new nephew. Our nurse got permission from her charge nurse to let him in just like a regular sibling. The next day, we had a different nurse and a different charge nurse, and after my mom drove an hour to get there they wouldn't let him in.
There were several other things that happened, those were just the two most frustrating for us.