I started smoking at 17, lightly at first, and I was up to a full pack a day by the time I was 19 or so. I quit when I got pregnant with DS three and a half years ago, and it was the most torturous thing I've ever done. Not drinking alcohol during pregnancy, whatever, no biggie. There were days when I would have enjoyed a beer or glass of wine, but it was just a non-issue. But quitting smoking was a fierce internal battle for me and a huge accomplishment.
One way that I managed to quit was telling myself that I would still be "allowed" to have a cigarette every now and then, if I was out having a cocktail with friends. It made quitting less scary.
That was fine for about two years. I felt like I had pretty well conquered the addiction, and I didn't think about smoking at all as I was going about my day. Maybe once a month or so, if I was out and about, I would bum a cigarette off of someone.
I went back to grad school in August (busy, stress, all that good stuff) and moved into a central apartment complex. A lot of my neighbors are sort of hispter young professionals and a bunch of them smoke. I started bumming cigarettes off of them kind of regularly, and then one night, after a couple of drinks, I broke down and bought a pack. That was maybe six weeks ago, and I think I've bought three or four packs since then. So I'm not smoking a huge amount at all by smoker standards, but I've been having at least one cigarette almost every night after putting DS to bed. Each time I say I won't buy any more, but I keep on doing it.
The worst part is, I can feel that the addiction has kicked back on in my brain. I've started craving cigarettes during the day, thinking about smoking, being impatient for DS to go to sleep at night so I can run out and smoke. I have the "smoker logic" going on, where I keep on thinking of excuses to have a smoke or buy a pack.
My hard line has been no smoking during the day.This morning, I'm totally craving a cigarette. I keep on catching myself thinking addict thoughts like, "If I have a cigarette it will help me get my work done, and then when this pack is gone I won't buy any more."
I know I'm at a tipping point, and I'm writing this as a way to draw a line in the sand. I'm quitting smoking. Again. I would say I'm quitting smoking before I fall back into a full-blown addiction, but I think I may be just about there. I've done it before, so I can do it again.
The guy I'm dating was a light social smoker, but recently cut out cigarettes entirely after a good friend's mom died of lung cancer. So he's super supportive of me quitting all the way.
The funny thing is, I'm so healthy in almost every other way. I'm fit, I exercise, DS and I eat whole foods. I know every way that smoking is terrible for me, I know all the ethical horrors committed by the tobacco industry. I know all the reasons why I need to not smoke.
Anyway, I know it really helps to have people hold me accountable. Thanks for your support.
One way that I managed to quit was telling myself that I would still be "allowed" to have a cigarette every now and then, if I was out having a cocktail with friends. It made quitting less scary.
That was fine for about two years. I felt like I had pretty well conquered the addiction, and I didn't think about smoking at all as I was going about my day. Maybe once a month or so, if I was out and about, I would bum a cigarette off of someone.
I went back to grad school in August (busy, stress, all that good stuff) and moved into a central apartment complex. A lot of my neighbors are sort of hispter young professionals and a bunch of them smoke. I started bumming cigarettes off of them kind of regularly, and then one night, after a couple of drinks, I broke down and bought a pack. That was maybe six weeks ago, and I think I've bought three or four packs since then. So I'm not smoking a huge amount at all by smoker standards, but I've been having at least one cigarette almost every night after putting DS to bed. Each time I say I won't buy any more, but I keep on doing it.
The worst part is, I can feel that the addiction has kicked back on in my brain. I've started craving cigarettes during the day, thinking about smoking, being impatient for DS to go to sleep at night so I can run out and smoke. I have the "smoker logic" going on, where I keep on thinking of excuses to have a smoke or buy a pack.
My hard line has been no smoking during the day.This morning, I'm totally craving a cigarette. I keep on catching myself thinking addict thoughts like, "If I have a cigarette it will help me get my work done, and then when this pack is gone I won't buy any more."
I know I'm at a tipping point, and I'm writing this as a way to draw a line in the sand. I'm quitting smoking. Again. I would say I'm quitting smoking before I fall back into a full-blown addiction, but I think I may be just about there. I've done it before, so I can do it again.
The guy I'm dating was a light social smoker, but recently cut out cigarettes entirely after a good friend's mom died of lung cancer. So he's super supportive of me quitting all the way.
The funny thing is, I'm so healthy in almost every other way. I'm fit, I exercise, DS and I eat whole foods. I know every way that smoking is terrible for me, I know all the ethical horrors committed by the tobacco industry. I know all the reasons why I need to not smoke.
Anyway, I know it really helps to have people hold me accountable. Thanks for your support.
