What do you do when your child hurts someone else?

[mrsdocmartin]

XP in GD. I am really at a loss as I don't want to be too punitive. I know this has been asked before, but I'd love a fresh perspective. DS has become aggressive since DD's birth and I am just so frustrated and taken by surprise whenever it happens. For example, yesterday just as our friends were leaving our house after a playdate, he pushed them both right to the ground. They are little girls who are younger than him. I'm not really a fan of time-outs, but don't really have a great alternative. Thanks.

[bender]

I tell my child 'we do not hit/push/throw things/pinch/etc'. Then I have him sign sorry and give the person a hug. If he is especially agressive, like when he grabbed the dog hard, I put him in the playpen for a minute or so. I let him know he needs to calm down, and that xyz action was not okay.

Sometimes, I do the playpen more for myself than for him, because I need the break to calm down with my child in a safe place.

It's worked so far, but my son is coming up on 16 months, so he has plenty of time to breakdown the system completely.

[oaktreemama]

We have only had a couple of incidents (so far!!) but I always ask the little person who was pushed/hit/what have you if they are ok. I help them up and tell them I am sorry that ds pushed them.

Then I talk to ds about trying to remember to use his words. It is so hard for little ones I think-trying to express everything they are feeling. We model model model model all the time and I also hover if I think the situation is going to be particularly trying for him.

I do not do forced apologies-ds generally isn't sorry (I don't think at 29 mos that is something he understands, kind of like sharing), and I don't think anything is learned from an apology that is not given freely. That is why I apologize to the other child for him. My apology is heartfelt, his would not be.

[mrsdocmartin]

Thanks mamas. Anyone with an older toddler have input? DS is 3years, 3 months, and is very verbal if that helps.

[gagin37]

my ds is younger than yours, but has occasionally started getting rough with other kids. It usually happens when he gets over excited or upset and loses control. I apologize to the child, and then get down eye to eye with him, take his hands in mine, and say something like 'we don't hit, no hitting Robbie, hitting hurts, if you hit again, you will go to time out' If it continues, I have to remove him from the situation, either to another room for time out together, or if we're away from home we leave the play date, or park.
I'm not a huge fan of time out as punishment, but it works well for ds when he needs to calm down.

[eloise24]

After the usual discussion/apologies, etc. I or DH usually hold DD or have her stay with us. We tend to view physical acting out as a call for attention of some kind- sometimes it's her frustration, to much stimulation, etc. So we then limit playtime with friends to help get her calmed back down. (She doesn't hit often, but the first time she did was after DS was born)