Talk to me about the "terrible twos"

[slgt]

DD#1 is just over 2.5. She is a very verbally adept child (full sentences since 16 months), and can express pretty complicated ideas. She's very independent & strong-willed.

And, I hate to even say this, but she has been a BRAT for the last 6 months.

We also have a 3-month old, and my pregnancy was definitely rough on DD#1 since I was sick for a lot of it, and low-energy for the last bit. DD#1 LOVES her baby sister & is generally really great with her.

But. Ugh. She doesn't listen, she flagrantly disobeys, everything is a tantrum, she ignores us constantly, she goes limp a lot, she refuses on principle, she literally doesn't stop talking, she constantly demands attention - in short, she is often not a lot of fun to be with. She constantly interrupts, "No I will not let you talk!", talks about how she doesn't want to share this or that. I literally had to wrestle her into her clothes the other day to go outside. Once we were out, fine. Oh, and she's given up her nap in the past week. UGH.

Coupled with the fact that she's really a pretty smart kid who understands a surprising amount of social nuances and does not actually miss a thing and has a phenomenal memory - she's a real PITA a lot of the time. At other times she is sweet as can be, and will sometimes spend a few hours engaged in independent imaginative play.

Does this sound like some version of terrible twos combined with a strong-willed, intelligent child? Or do we have a spoiled brat on our hands? This too shall pass?

[PatchChild]

Sounds more like the terrible threes. Two tends to be the tantrums because they don't have the language to express their needs. Three tends to be the tantrums because they can express their needs and you're not giving in. (Can you tell I have one similar?)

With DS, who is very similar, I work very hard to tell him what he can do. If something is being thrown, let him know what is ok to throw. If he wants cookies, I let him know what his choices are. As positive as I can be seems to help.

[malayasmommy]

Your DD sounds just like mine, she will be 3 in Jan. She was very verbal from a young age, and she is also very strong willed. We have learned little tricks along the way, mostly that if we tell her to do something--it ain't gonna happen. So rather than "get your coat on, it's cold outside" we say "how can we keep you warm on the way to the car when it's so cold out?". It doesn't always work, but it allows her the opportunity to contribute an idea. We also try and respect her decisions as much as we can--i.e. in that situation if she refuses to wear a coat...then she learns the hard way that she will get cold! (And we are in Minnesota so it does get very cold!) We have taken the words "can" and "don't" out of our vocabulary as much as possible. (As in "can you get your shoes on?" and replaced it with "how, what, when, where, etc.". And rather than telling her "don't" we tell her what she should do: instead of "don't pull the cat's tail" it's "please pet the cat gently on the back"). Like I said, these tricks are by no meals fail proof but they've helped us a little bit and I think they've empowered her as well. Good luck--I always tell myself these are GOOD traits for her to have, I just have to help her direct it in the right way and tolerate when it doesn't exactly suit my needs!

[catters]

Sounds pretty normal to me (or at least what DS was/is like). He turned three in August and since about 2.5 he has been quite the little rager. I have fears where I'll worry that I've somehow "spoiled" him, but I try to remind myself that he's dealing with a brain that knows more than his body can do, or wants to do. Other times, he's so sweet and smart and easy I think I'm the best parent in the world. But, similarly to how infants are, mood at this age is so dependent upon things like attention, rest, activity, food. Such a delicate balance. And with a younger sibling (Ronan is great with his little sister, but he can also be pushy or grabby or selfish - typical) it can be hard to reach that balance regularly. For Ronan, I've noticed it comes in waves. For days and days at a time he's in a great mood, so easy and contented, but then it'll drop and we'll have days of touchy moods, tears, tantrums, etc.