Quote:
| It was bad if YOU define it as bad. "Traumatic" for one person is "no biggie" for somebody else. |
Well.. one of the really hard parts about my experience is the total lack of memory. The two people who were with my are my husband and my mom. They both seem to have really different opinions about how everything went down. Both seem really disturbed by it-- but it was a panicky time. Having a bad experience doesn't necessarily equal trauma, you know? But both of them seem 'traumatized'. Talking about the DS's birth at all almost always leads to heated arguments, tears, or awkward silences.
Quote:
| So, you went into the OR, husband was made to wait outside, and nobody came to get him to go with baby to the nursery? I would expect A) that he could go into the OR to be present for the birth, and B) that he could accompany baby to the nursery and be with baby until you were awake and ready for baby to be brought to you. |
Yes, the plan was for him to come back to the or with me, but by the time I got there, it became an emergency. It's a very small hospital/small ld floor. Apparently there was no one left on the floor between me and the other laboring woman. He waited out front of the OR doors for a while. He heard a baby cry, and someone did come to tell him that the baby was born, but could not come out of the OR/ he could not see him. Then he waited out in front of the room they said I'd be moved to. Then he waited out side of the nursery. Apperantly, someone (med tech that we'd never seen before) finally asked him if it was his baby that was in the nursery. (the hospital has a no healthy baby in nursery policy, so ours was the only one in there). TBH, this is the part of the whole thing that tears me up everytime. My son and husband deserved to be together, and someone should have made that happen. My son should not have been lying in a warmer all alone for his first half an hour of life. Not when my husband was just steps away.
But it's not my memory... not my trauma.
Quote:
| Ouch. I would expect that the midwife would come see you the next day, explain what had happened, any unusual findings regarding your anatomy, baby's position, placenta, cord, etc. that would explain why the c-section was needed. I would be really hurt, personally, if my midwife forgot that I'd had a c-section. She ought to have at least looked at the chart, you know? |
I know. I can't believe her name came up in the ICAN recs of who I should see about a VBAC. She's the only midwife that practices in a hospital in our city. She has left the practice where I'm at, so I won't see her again.
Quote:
| Are you cool with this? Do you have other care options available that you want to investigate? If you stick with this practice, do you want to question them about what happened last time, lapses in your care, how things can go different/better this time around, what your expectations are, etc.? Are you planning a VBAC? I'd definitely talk with them about provider support, what you can expect in terms of being informed about your condition, anything that gives you pause or that you want reassurance about. It sounds to me like a lot of your care sort of "fell through the cracks," nothing outright negligent, but what if you had wanted DH to be with the baby as soon as possible after birth or you'd had other particular requests that were either ignored or not known due to poor communication within the care team? For example, did you specify what kind of suturing you wanted - single or double layer, and do you know what you got? When did you find that out? |
I don't know if I"m cool with it. I'm seeing a totally different dr, whom I like. but does not seem particularly vbac friendly. She seems direct, and not airy fairy at all, and is going to go over all my op reports with me next appointment, and expressed disappointment that the the reports were not available last appointment. I'm hoping to find out about double layer suture etc at my next appointment.
TBH, the midwife did come and talk to us the next day, but at that point we were both so shell shocked. I know she talked to us about how much blood was lost, and that the baby was sunny side up, that his heart rate had dropped, but we did not take that opportunity to ask why the baby was in the nursery alone, why the nurses did not go find my husband to let him know that he wasn't there. When we asked her about it at the postpartum check, we got a very chipper, "oh well, we must have just missed you!", since my husband did go wait outside the room I was supposed to be wheeled to.
At the same time, I get that it was an emergency section, and maybe it was such an emergency that there really wasn't anytime to give my husband clear instructions on where to wait, or what was happening, or where the baby was.
And I was very happy with the postpartum experience, all things considered. I was emotional, my baby screamed every waking moment, and breastfeeding was a nightmare, and I was in pain from my incision.
But he never left our side again-- not for weighs, or ped checks, or anything. There were no visiting hours, so I had multiple family members in the room with me at all hours of the night. It's a baby friendly hospital, so the LC was literally amazing-- And the staff never mention formula, or bottles. The hospital is extremely conveniently located, to both my parents and our homes. I, personally have very little memory of being separated from my son, my husband said he immediately brought him into my room once he found out that I was out of the OR. (No hospital staff let him know that either). I had an on-Que ball, and have no memory of being stuck in my bed-- I was up and walking the halls by the next morning.
I have heard some horror stories afterwords in other hospitals-- (all those people sound very happy with their experiences). Routine 6 hour separations of mom and baby after a section, no night rooming in allowed, not enough breast pumps, staff pushing bottles, not having pumps available postpartum, no bf support etc. We only had a run in with a crummy night nurse that insisted our baby was crying too much because he was hungry.
I'm scared to change dr's. It will be expensive, (2-3000 dollars) and for what? From what I'm reading on this thread, I shouldn't expect any more personal treatment than what I received. I don't want to go to a bc, and this is the most natural birth friendly hospital in the area, it seems.
I feel that I don't have any strong convictions about the birth I want anymore. I don't care about laboring in water, or skin to skin after birth or eye goop or anything. I just want to be part of the process, and I want DH and i and baby to be together. And I want to remember it, and have a story to tell of my own.
s. I felt the same way. OT, but a few minutes after they decided on the section, a woman came into the (rather small) hospital and I guess, was ready to deliver. I still remember how breathless and excited my midwife was. She ran in and breathed "there's a woman about to give birth in the triage!!!" The next thing I remember is being rolled into the ER and breathing into that mask. According to my DH, there was about half an hour where we were just left alone waiting for the section, and then when it was time, it somehow became 'emergant'. I was shocked at how insensitive this woman could be when we had spent so much time together over the last year. As if I just wasn't interesting enough.
