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What do I do? Withdrawal method? My sex life is ruining my marriage...

post #1 of 22
10/19/10 at 4:13pm
Thread Starter 
Hubby and I just had a baby this last May. Since then our sex life has gone down the drain! I don't feel comfortable taking hormonal BC, I cannot get a Mirena yet for another 4 months due to insurance, and condoms are a huggggge FAIL for us everytime we try them. They hurt me, and feel terrible for DH.

He is 100% comfortable doing the withdrawal method and this is what we used before we wanted a baby, we simply quit withdrawling when we decided we wanted one. I used to feel OK with it..

But now I am just scared of getting pregnant. So we NEVER have sex. And our marriage is suffering big time due to us never having any "grown up" time, or intimacy.

What do i do? Anyone else young and fertile (lol) rely on this method because other ones are not good options? I was thinking of combining it with charting, but that doesnt solve my issues NOW. We really need some intimacy now. So do any of you ladies do the withdrawal method successfully with no fears?

Also I am breastfeeding, but I have my periods back. Not sure if they are fertile.

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post #2 of 22
10/19/10 at 4:15pm
For the next few months, as a stop-gap, how about a diaphragm?

If you have your period again, you're ovulating.
post #3 of 22
10/19/10 at 4:25pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dixielane View Post
Hubby and I just had a baby this last May. Since then our sex life has gone down the drain! I don't feel comfortable taking hormonal BC, I cannot get a Mirena yet for another 4 months due to insurance, and condoms are a huggggge FAIL for us everytime we try them. They hurt me, and feel terrible for DH.

He is 100% comfortable doing the withdrawal method and this is what we used before we wanted a baby, we simply quit withdrawling when we decided we wanted one. I used to feel OK with it..But now I am just scared of getting pregnant. So we NEVER have sex. And our marriage is suffering big time due to us never having any "grown up" time, or intimacy.

What do i do? Anyone else young and fertile (lol) rely on this method because other ones are not good options? I was thinking of combining it with charting, but that doesnt solve my issues NOW. We really need some intimacy now. So do any of you ladies do the withdrawal method successfully with no fears?

Also I am breastfeeding, but I have my periods back. Not sure if they are fertile.
You say he is comfortable using W/D, but meaning he doesnt care about the risk of a pg, or he is comfortable at how good he is at using it? I think it is a good choice for those couples who want to space their children apart and in the mean time not have to be on birth control. We have only used W/D since our son was born. He will be 3 in Feb. I do chart still, and know that we DTD when I am very fertile every cycle. We have not gotten pg from it, nor has DH had any slip ups or close calls using it. W/D is really all about self control and how well and quickly DH pulls out when its time. If there is any delay, you can get prengant. I trust my DH to get out in time and know that he will b/c he doesn't want another baby right now. So, if it means me not *ahem* "finishing" b/c he has to pull out, then thats what happens. Its rare, but it does happen sometimes. And, though its frustrating, I respect that he still pulls out rather than give in to please me just one time, and OOPS...thats how it happens lol.

If you trust your DH to get out in time EVERY SINGLE time you have sex, no matter what, then go for it. If not, then I can understand why you would be weary of it.

Good Luck!!!
post #4 of 22
10/19/10 at 5:03pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommyin2008 View Post
You say he is comfortable using W/D, but meaning he doesnt care about the risk of a pg, or he is comfortable at how good he is at using it? I think it is a good choice for those couples who want to space their children apart and in the mean time not have to be on birth control. We have only used W/D since our son was born. He will be 3 in Feb. I do chart still, and know that we DTD when I am very fertile every cycle. We have not gotten pg from it, nor has DH had any slip ups or close calls using it. W/D is really all about self control and how well and quickly DH pulls out when its time. If there is any delay, you can get prengant. I trust my DH to get out in time and know that he will b/c he doesn't want another baby right now. So, if it means me not *ahem* "finishing" b/c he has to pull out, then thats what happens. Its rare, but it does happen sometimes. And, though its frustrating, I respect that he still pulls out rather than give in to please me just one time, and OOPS...thats how it happens lol.

If you trust your DH to get out in time EVERY SINGLE time you have sex, no matter what, then go for it. If not, then I can understand why you would be weary of it.

Good Luck!!!
DH is very good at pulling out... he usually even has to finish himself AFTER he pulls out, and he can literally pinch it off , then casually walk to find a tissue lol tmi, but yes hes pretty good at being safe. I know supposedly sperm is not present in precum, and if it is its very immobile. I read a neat article on that once. Im just still worried... i guess bc the realities of being a mom are ever present lol
post #5 of 22
10/19/10 at 5:05pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thalia the Muse View Post
For the next few months, as a stop-gap, how about a diaphragm?

If you have your period again, you're ovulating.
dont you have to get fitted? itd be probably 3 weeks till i could go out that way, i live far away from an OB
post #6 of 22
10/19/10 at 5:10pm
I am currently using a diaphragm and have DH pull out when I know I'm fertile. We used the pull-out method after we had our first and only got pregnant when he didn't pull out. A recent study by the Guttmacher Institute showed that when used correctly (and if your DH has full control, that's correctly), it's as effective as condoms.

A diaphragm does have to be fitted. Do you live near a Health Center or a family practice? It doesn't necessarily have to be an OB or MW who fits you.
post #7 of 22
10/19/10 at 6:01pm
Thread Starter 
Well I can't really get anything right now bc waiting on insurance..

Plus I don't think I'd feel comfortable WITH him ejaculating inside, and isnt that the purpose of a diapragm? To allow that along with spermicide? I'd still make him pull out, which wouldn't that defeat the idea? lol

Does anyone have any articles on withdrawal supporting it? All I've heard as a con was the pre-cum thing, which everyone freaks about.

We tried condoms a few nights ago and literally, halfway thru I said "I've had enough!!", yanked it off, and then finished with withdrawal and it felt soo much better. After birth, I can "tell" where my stitch was - I had a very minor tear but got one stitch, and the condom just rubs that area WRONG, big time. So Ive been disappointed in the condom thing. We might try naturalamb condoms before giving up, but ugh... hubby would rather go to bed, than try. lol
post #8 of 22
10/19/10 at 9:28pm
The only time I got pregnant with W/D was when we had sex twice in a day. We knew it was a possibility and we were open to conceiving...we just didn't think it could happen just like that!

My suggestion would be to continue to use W/D and begin charting when you can and combine the two. Until you have a pattern to follow, I would pay very close attention to any and all cervical mucus and libido.
post #9 of 22
10/20/10 at 5:40pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dixielane View Post
DH is very good at pulling out... he usually even has to finish himself AFTER he pulls out, and he can literally pinch it off , then casually walk to find a tissue lol tmi, but yes hes pretty good at being safe. I know supposedly sperm is not present in precum, and if it is its very immobile. I read a neat article on that once. Im just still worried... i guess bc the realities of being a mom are ever present lol
Exactly! My DH is the same way. He pulls out, then uses his hand to finish. So, there is a few second delay. I would think this would be safe. If you find that you are super fertile and dont feel comfortable, you could always use some spermicide to make you feel better, or just avoid sex those few days when you are super fertile.

Good Luck!
post #10 of 22
10/20/10 at 5:46pm
We've used the WD Method for our entire marriage and only gotten pregnant when we were actively trying. We're also young and fertile It only took a couple of months (like 2-3) of TTC (and not even TRYING...just not being "safe") to get pregnant each time.
post #11 of 22
10/20/10 at 7:07pm
Here you go: http://www.guttmacher.org/media/nr/2.../15/index.html
post #12 of 22
10/20/10 at 7:57pm

I'm charting, but during fertile times we used VCF combined with WD for a long time. After a while I got more comfortable just doing WD. The VCF was great for that extra peace of mind!


Edited by Danielle283 - 2/5/11 at 4:00pm
post #13 of 22
10/20/10 at 8:50pm
We use withdrawl sometimes, too - and I also chart Charting is the best thing ever, because YOU are in control and you KNOW what's going on with your body. It's easy to learn, easy to do, and SO worth it.
post #14 of 22
10/21/10 at 2:50pm
W/D has never failed us. My dh also uses his hand to finish once he is out, so I definitely think it is safer that way. We have sex all during my fertile times, with EW and everything. I do chart, but we don't avoid when I am fertile so it doesn't really make a difference.
We've also been able to conceive very easily (usually the first month, it only took a few months with one child) so w/d is obviously working very well for us.
post #15 of 22
10/21/10 at 3:20pm
Diaphragms are not recommended for women who have had children (and especially so recently...things will not hold it where it should after giving birth)

I second the starting to chart in combination with withdrawal. That's all we have used for 2 years. that way, after your successfully chart ovulation and get those crosshairs on your chart, you don't even have to withdraw!
i also suggest reading the book - Taking Charge of Your fertility. it will give you lots of natural family planning tips.
And check out the Charting to Avoid thread on here - it also gives more natural planning resources.
post #16 of 22
10/21/10 at 3:34pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dixielane View Post
He is 100% comfortable doing the withdrawal method and this is what we used before we wanted a baby, we simply quit withdrawling when we decided we wanted one. I used to feel OK with it..
This is our story, withdrawl worked perfectly for us, and we got pregnant with ds the first time we said 'let's give it a shot.' I was still shocked that it worked though! lol....

second time around, using the same method, I got pregnant at 7 mos pp. If you think that bc will wreck your sex life, try having 2 under 2. I wanted to stay away from hormonal bc because of my supply, but never considered how a suprise preg would affect supply.

I wish I had gotten some sort of bc. Long and short, the stakes were higher this time. Before, it was simply not wanting to get pregnant-- this time, this pregnancy it was a crisis, that really did effect my sweet little ds.
post #17 of 22
10/22/10 at 1:52am
WD also worked very well for us - until one month my husband thought it was "safe" since it was so early in the cycle (I usually have pretty long cycles).

So yeah, it worked for almost a whole year and the FIRST time he didn't I ended up with # 3! (plus one bonus child)

I would just make sure your husband knows to actually WITHDRAW :eyeroll

(on a side note - I was kinda ready for another baby, so I probably wasn't as clear as I should have been about him WDing......but I DID say I was probably fertile )
post #18 of 22
10/23/10 at 7:01pm
we've used withdrawal for 14 years and have never gotten pg from it. the only times i've gotten pg were when we did not withdrawal. since i'm nearing 40, and we want to discuss b/c then (ugh!!!), i think i'm going to start charting also soon, as i really do not like any forms of b/c and he will not get the V (which is fine with me).
post #19 of 22
10/24/10 at 1:50pm
Another vote for WD when done correctly I've never gotten pregnant from that method.
post #20 of 22
10/24/10 at 5:45pm
i asked this in another thread, but noone answered me, so i'll try here. so, since we're talking about the withdrawal method... (this is way TMI, but i really want to know!) do you guys ever feel your dh "do something", and still don't get pg? sometimes i can feel it do that, and i'm assuming that it's like a mini-orgasm or something. i can't imagine sperm NOT coming out during that yk?! this month on cd8, i felt it (i have 26 day cycles, so cd8 would be in the fertile period, i think), and then on cd14 i felt it again ALOT. i am SO curious if sperm come out during that time. anyone know?!!!

i conceived my first 2 children on cd13, and my third child on cd14-15, so i'm freaking out (in a good way) that i could possibly be pg. any opinions?!!! i HATE the tww!!!
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Mothering › Mothering Discussion Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Fertility › Family Planning › What do I do? Withdrawal method? My sex life is ruining my marriage...