Originally Posted by gbailey
Thanks to everyone for the great comments. I do want to make one thing clear though....there was no way the sitter did not understand what I said about the dinner and the snacks. I don't think I could have communicated that to her better. I didn't just tell her, there's dinner the in the fridge to warm up and she had to look in the refrigerator to figure out what she should be giving dd (i.e. "there's a green bowl with pasta and veggies. it only needs 30 seconds in the microwave. i left plenty of snacks on the kitchen counter.) The only other thing on the kitchen counter was a bottle of extra virgin olive oil. She didn't have to ruffle through the cabinets to find something suitable. Who gives a kid Doritos when they ask for milk? Perhaps she forgot about the extra sippy cup of milk. That's fine and understandable. She also knows there is a special area in our cabinet where we keep DD's snacks. She's been with us for nearly a year...nothing has changed about my routine. Also want to note the sitter and I have engaged in conversation about child rearing, feeding, spending quality time with your children, etc. I know her well enough to know she loves Forever 21 and doesn't watch television but loves going to the movies.
Truthfully, I don't think she was being malicious but I'm still very bothered. I just have a nagging feeling about it.
DH is ticked off about the tv but thinks the best way to proceed is to revisit in a few days when our annoyance has died down a bit.
To the poster who asked, we were gone from 4pm to 8:30pm.
Unless you've communicated with her before specifically
about NOT ever giving snacks that aren't provided, I don't think from what you've described it was clearly communicated. Like it or not, most parents are not as controlling about the odd chip and there really is a big difference between "here are some snacks" and "don't feed other snacks." When you're going that counter-cultural you really do have to take on the responsibility of total clarity.
When I was a teenager I babysat for a kid who had a peanut allergy, which was much less common at that time (mid 80s). I remember nearly giving him M&Ms (which contain peanut oil, but I had no idea -- I mean no visible peanuts) and only being stopped because he said his mother never gave him that kind. After that I did ask his mother for more training about the allergy.
But as a teen (and even as a young adult), who wasn't at all submerged in the Wild Crazy World of Parenting but rather in all the details of the latest Pet Shop Boys release, a lot of issues weren't on my radar to the same extent as an adult. I knew enough to look out for actual nuts, but not the fine details. One chip strikes me as in the same category. Talking about healthy eating is great but it doesn't cover the "just one Dorito" situation all that well.
Talking in general won't cut it. You have to be really, really clear.
That said, it really is up to you of course. I just think it might help all of you to make another attempt to see if it's really just an understanding issue, before you give up on a relationship you've cultivated and where your child is safe. We don't really have a for-hire babysitter right now available and they really are like gold in some ways.