Bad feeling about nanny/sitter... update post #44 - Page 3

[texmati]

Originally Posted by MamitaM

she could have lied so that you wouldn't be mad at her for not showing up. did she come in today or go to another job she had?

she's been coming in all week.

Due to an unfortunate shopping cart toppling incident on monday (I was alone, no ds), I stayed home on tuesday, yesterday and had a chance to observe her all day for the first time. With everyone else I've left dh with, i've done this for days.

TBH, she was a lot better with him than I expected. He's sleeping much better for her (2 hr naps), which make life a lot easier for everyone involved. During his nap, she swept, mopped, dissapeared the dishes in the sink to the dishwasher without us realizing, and did all the bottles. All without being asked.

DS still tries to follow me out of the house, and doesn't crawl all the way to the door when she rings the bell. With old sitter, he would be fighting me to be picked up by her, and not even look up when I left. I'm going to give it another week or two and see how it goes.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by thyra

Yeah, I know that in home care is ideal, and it would be difficult for your DH to give up seeing ds around the house.

However, given how much trouble you're having with nanny's, could you come to a compromise on how long to keep "testing" different nannies? Try one more, 2 more, 3 more and then switch to out of home care? You could look at daycares during the testing phases with new sitters, there would be no rush to find one that had space available. If you found an amazing one you could possibly get on the waitlist - and then if you don't need it great! If you do, you'll have already found it and have it as an option.

As for peace of mind, I have great peace of mind knowing that my ds is in a great center, with great providers, and loves it there. It is right down the hall from my classes (since its located inside my law school), and I know that they would call me immediately if something were to happen, plus, I can stop in and talk to them during the day.

ETA - I also think in home care is ideal, but if it isn't working, something has to change. Whether thats the nanny you use (I would check references SUPER carefully next time), or the type of care you choose, you need reliable child care that allows you and your DH to get your work done.

I also just had a thought - you could do a childcare in the mornings, and a sitter in the afternoons? The sitter could pick him up from childcare maybe?? (I don't know if that would work - but its another idea to toss around)

First of, I should have clarified my statement about ideal care-- I meant our home based care would be ideal for our family. TBH, I think I'd feel very differently if DH was not home. I can definitely see advantages to a daycare situation beyond just scheduling/reliability.

That being said.... the part that I've bolded is what we'd be giving up by moving ds to a center. If had the option to have ds in the same building as me I'd take in a heart beat!

The other issue is that I"m pregnant. I have 13 more weeks of working before I'm off for 4 mos-- at that point I'll either go back to work, in which case I would prefer one on two care for the new infant+DS, or transition to staying at home for a while. I just think having at home care for ds will be better with all the upheaval of the next few months.

That being said, I will definitely keep an open mind.

[CourtBChase]

How long was your son with the old sitter? If she had been around for many months previously (so basically forever, to a 1 year old), she probably seemed like family to him. I wouldn't expect that sort of close relationship to form so quickly with a new sitter. I nannied and worked in childcare, before becoming a SAHM, and I found some children I warmed up to quickly, and some it took work and time. If she is good with him during the day, and meeting his needs, and your needs as a family, then I think the closeness you want will come with time. Hopefully the pay misunderstandings have been worked out. Do you guys have a nanny contract? I found having hours, pay, vacation, perhaps how and when you would like to be contacted if she is sick, etc in writing to be really helpful. There are some good samples online, if you google it.

[texmati]

well... i just wanted to update, adn let the majority of ya'll know that you were right.

Sitter walked out of the house in the middle of the day today, telling dh that DS was driving her bonkers because he wanted to be played with 'all the time' (he typically naps for 2.5-3 of the 5 hours she's here).

Lots of other stuff was said, that just makes me feel absolutely sick that I was leaving DS in her care for the last 3 weeks, when I knew, just knew that something wasn't right on day 1.

Lesson one: always listen to mommy intuition.
Lesson two: always listen to MDC's collective mommy intuition.

[Latte Mama]

Yikes, so sorry mama. But seriously, WTH does she think watching a young child would be like? Playing is part of the job!
Sounds like good riddance to me. I hope you find a better solution until your maternity leave.

[Mosaic]

I'm so sorry this happened. I'm glad that she's not going to be with your son any more, but I know how stressful this all is. We went through something similar with DD's first care providers and it feels just awful.

But it's over. And it sounds like she wasn't a bad person, just not a good fit for you, your family, and this job. Here's hoping you find someone new and wonderful quickly!

[MamitaM]

oh no,i'm so sorry. i really wish you lived here so i could be your nanny.

nannies like her give the rest of us a bad name. was she a nanny before or was this her first job? sounds like she had no idea what a nanny does.

[Super~Single~Mama]

I'm sorry, that really stinks. I hope you find a new situation that works for your family, and soon!!!

[WeasleyMum]

s Ugh. Sounds like she needs to find a housekeeper position and quit trying to be a nanny.

ETA: Texmati, can't help but notice that, according to your location, you are living in my house!

[lolar2]

I'm sorry to hear that. Make sure she doesn't have a key to your house!

[BunnySlippers]

At least she was honest and left.
Who knows, with all you read in the papers theses days, it could of ended worse.

So what will you do now?

[GuildJenn]

Originally Posted by texmati

well... i just wanted to update, adn let the majority of ya'll know that you were right.

Sitter walked out of the house in the middle of the day today, telling dh that DS was driving her bonkers because he wanted to be played with 'all the time' (he typically naps for 2.5-3 of the 5 hours she's here).

Lots of other stuff was said, that just makes me feel absolutely sick that I was leaving DS in her care for the last 3 weeks, when I knew, just knew that something wasn't right on day 1.

Lesson one: always listen to mommy intuition.
Lesson two: always listen to MDC's collective mommy intuition.

You did listen. You were just trying to make it work because it's hard.

Hang in there, keep going. Sorry it is so rough, but you WILL find the care that works for you.

[texmati]

Originally Posted by BunnySlippers

At least she was honest and left.
Who knows, with all you read in the papers theses days, it could of ended worse.

So what will you do now?

thanks to the wonderful mom's here, we know about dh's backup care from work.

So we have care for tomorrow and monday, thank god. I talked to one of our ex-interviewees-- someone that I liked but dh didn't; and she is willing to start ASAP. she's older-- her son's in college, but she's willing to work for the same rate as previous nanny. We'd really resisted getting someone who was already a parent since we had so many issues with our IL's-- it just felt like signing up for more.

I'm calling her tomorrow, and having a long conversation with regards to expectations, rocking, playing with baby, house work, etc. And I am going to print out a nanny contract as well as pp suggested.


As for long term... It might be the pregnancy hormones, but I'm thinking of quitting. I'm sick of putting my dh and ds through this. And I"m sick of pulling a 'C' in every area of my life. Between going to the hospital, dr's appts, and this nanny business, I've only worked one day this week. I ended up walking into a managers meeting, and stammering to my boss that I needed to leave. I enjoy my work, but I don't enjoy constantly being at the bottom, only to come home and feel so crushingly guilty about my son.

[pregnant@40]

Financially, it may be in your best interest to quit. Have you looked at how much you net after paying all the bills? It's worth it to be a SAHM for a while, if you can make it happen.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by texmati

thanks to the wonderful mom's here, we know about dh's backup care from work.

So we have care for tomorrow and monday, thank god. I talked to one of our ex-interviewees-- someone that I liked but dh didn't; and she is willing to start ASAP. she's older-- her son's in college, but she's willing to work for the same rate as previous nanny. We'd really resisted getting someone who was already a parent since we had so many issues with our IL's-- it just felt like signing up for more.

I'm calling her tomorrow, and having a long conversation with regards to expectations, rocking, playing with baby, house work, etc. And I am going to print out a nanny contract as well as pp suggested.


As for long term... It might be the pregnancy hormones, but I'm thinking of quitting. I'm sick of putting my dh and ds through this. And I"m sick of pulling a 'C' in every area of my life. Between going to the hospital, dr's appts, and this nanny business, I've only worked one day this week. I ended up walking into a managers meeting, and stammering to my boss that I needed to leave. I enjoy my work, but I don't enjoy constantly being at the bottom, only to come home and feel so crushingly guilty about my son.

I think this is a great idea. Can you also have a "trial period" tp try it out and see how it goes?

[t2009]

So sorry you've been going through all this! I just went through hiring a new nanny as well & it was so stressful & I'm not even pregnant with a 2nd!

I really hope you're able to piece something together that makes you feel good until you can decide whether or not you'll stay home.

Good luck!