Am I the only one that doesn't smoke pot?

[cymbeline]

I remember being in a playgroup when my oldest was 2. All the mamas sat around and talked about whether it was appropriate to ask new moms to the group if they owned a gun. Our politics on gun laws aside, none of us was comfortable going to another family's house if we knew there was a loaded gun in the house.

Now my oldest is 11, and I am suddenly realizing how many of our friends with kids his age smoke pot recreationally. Not that I haven't known this for a while... it is just that now he is at an age where the kids are figuring out what their parents are doing and where they keep their stash, etc. And some of the parents are even of the mindset that it is ok to expose the kids to it as long as they are "monitored" or in a "safe space" (ie, do it with mom or dad).

Obviously, DH and I don't smoke. Politically, I think pot should be legalized, but it isn't legal yet, and there is no gray area in my house for illegal behavior.

We've talked to 11yo about drugs, and we've briefly talked about "what if" a friend's parent was doing drugs and offered him some. I'm torn, though: Should we name names or assume he will figure it out on his own? Should we confront those parents directly and risk being socially ousted from our circle?

The worst part is that we are starting to feel like the only people in the neighborhood that don't smoke weed. And as we meet new people, I am left wondering -- when is it ok to ask? Is it ever?

[treegardner]

I feel the same way you do and no, we don't smoke either.

[eclipse]

Well, I don't smoke pot (at least, I haven't in years and years) - but I don't really think it's any of your business. Do you ask people if they have alcohol in their house? Do you assume that parents who smoke cigarettes are going to then allow your kids to smoke them in their house, or even smoke around them? I don't think I'd allow my kids in the house of someone who I thought lacked the kind of judgment that would be required to smoke pot around someone else's child or give them access to it - whether I knew they smoked or not. Smoking pot doesn't make someone irresponsible.

So, no, I don't think it's ever appropriate to ask. I also don't think it's helpful. As you said, we're talking about something illegal here - if they have reason to think you disapprove, they probably would choose not to be upfront about it for fear of repercussions.

[nextcommercial]

I smoked it for the first time in 25 years the other day. It's definitely overrated, and I couldn't have an intelligent conversation for three hours. I leaned against a stair rail pretending to look casual for an hour... when it was the only thing holding me up.

So, anybody who claims they can smoke pot and be a "Better driver" or "make clear decisions" is either lying, or deluded... or I was smoking the best pot in the world. Either way, there was no way I could have made any decisions much less driven safely.

I probably wont do it again.

[Una]

I do think it's OK to discuss drug use with adult friends. I do not smoke pot myself anymore, but my DP does, and so do some of our friends. I have clear established boundaries on what I think is appropriate and what is inappropriate. I want to know what the parents of my kids friends are doing, especially if I am ever to allow them over to their houses.

[ChristyMarie]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

I leaned against a stair rail pretending to look casual for an hour... when it was the only thing holding me up.

ROFL! This reminds me of my husband's first (and only) time - he immediately fell asleep. Said he didn't need pot to let him do that.

I've never smoked it and never wanted to. But I would never think to ask someone else if they do. As long as they aren't high or dealing around my kids I don't really think it is any of my business.

[St. Margaret]

What a good idea, to think this through... of course my DD is so young things might be very different once she's of an age to use, but I had already thought about the gun issue, but not this.

I sometimes feel this way, too. I know a LOT of my friends, be they mama friends or old high school friends, whatever, use pot. I support decriminalization, but I'm just not interested, myself. I think asking about alcohol and other things being locked up, if young people are hanging out unsupervised, is a good idea. Most of our friends I would feel comfortable gently asking. I don't think it's too bizarre to ask, and to maybe make your family's comfort level knows. (I do know of parents--I teach high school--who basically reward their teens for doing pot, but I think if they are friends, they can respect your wishes easily). Gosh, maybe I'm a totally dork but I don't think anyone would be offended, it's not like you're saying Ihate what you do, just please don't include my kid. And I wouldn't name names to my kids, but I think a conversation about it ahead of time like you say is smart.

I cross posted with some people-- I agree it would be odd to ask someone if they use it, but not odd to ask about the set up at home, just as you would if you lived somewhere with lots of guns-- just like checking that it's locked up. Just a quick conversation about it-- I would never mind if someone asked if we kept our alcohol locked up or not. Like, my parents never did but we never tried to get into it, either, but I think it would have been reasonable to for a friend's parent to ask them about it.

[rhiOrion]

I would absolutely not name names to your son. For one thing, you don't know that these parents are irresponsible about it- they could keep it locked up.

For another thing you'd be telling your son whose sock drawer to search should he ever want to try it.

[Norasmomma]

Well in my state there are many people who have medical marijuana permits, including multiple family members. So for some it is illegal and for some it's not. Most of the people I know do and I can say that most of them are pretty darn mellow, happy people and parents.

I guess where I live it's even more of a gray area due to the fact that many people are totally allowed to possess and have it.

I wouldn't tell your son who does and doesn't though.

[nextcommercial]

I got sidetracked and didn't answer your original question.

I know which of my friends smoke pot, and which ones don't. But, my 18 yr old daughter doesn't know.

She does however know which of HER friends smoke pot, where they buy it and how to get it. She's known it for years.

My point is, the adults in your son's life are the least of your problems. It's the kids in his school. He might not know where to buy pot now... but, by 8th grade, he'll know.

I wouldn't worry about the parents. I can't imagine a single adult who would give pot to their kids, or anybody's kids. I don't even know any that would smoke it in front of their kids. Parents have been smoking pot forever. But, they don't share it with kids.

[Drummer's Wife]

I really like what eclipse said. I don't think it's really your business if their friend's parents smoke pot. But then, I would feel much more wary if their parents were alcoholics vs. someone who smoked on a daily bases, yk? I'm assuming most of these parents are recreational users as you said, and it's not going to hinder their ability to care for their children or their 11 yo friends who happen to be over at their house.

I agree with you that it should be legalized; however, just b/c it is technically still illegal, it's not like meth or other hardcore drugs where there is an immediate concern and your children would be in danger being around it, or there is a real risk of serious police involvement (unless these parents are also dealers). So, I guess for me, there is a gray area with regards to breaking the law and marijuana use. I don't want my kids around someone who does dangerous illegal things - such as those that put other people at risk, but occasional pot smoking just isn't in that category.

nextcommercial - LOL - I think the difference is not the MJ itself, but that people who smoke, say, throughout the day, every day, are much more likely to function as normal afterwards vs. someone who has tried it once in 25 years. It's sort of like comparing my mom who will drink half a glass of wine and fall asleep vs. my DH who can drink 6 beers and feel a little buzzed. Not that I should be comparing MJ to alcohol - one is pretty dangerous and the other, regardless of being illegal, doesn't have near the potential to cause harm. But ykwim.

eta: Norasmom - that's a good point. I know a lot of people in CO with medical marijuana cards. So, if we still lived there, it would be likely that my kids would have friends whose parents consumed it legally. I guess you could ask if those who smoke have a card they can show you... though, I've never heard of people asking those who own guns if they have a license for it.

[philomom]

Hey, me and dh don't smoke it. Our life is good enough without self-medicating.

[meemee]

alcohol, pot, cigarette is all the same to me. at family and friends parties dd is around it even though they are not in your face about it. for two of them its cancer that makes them smoke pot. so its a real good lesson for dd to see for herself.

i dont like pointing out others behaviours. dd has her own views.

if i catch her at 12 or 14 i will cross the bridge when it comes.

but no i dont like saying anything about it. while dd is still young i would like to believe that when she is old i can respect her views about all of that.

and if as a teen she decides to try it, i will have to respect and give her the freedom to do so.

i dont. doesnt mean my dd should follow me.

however if it ever comes down to making a choice i would much rather dd smoke pot, rather than smoke a cigarette. however just coz she experiments doesnt mean she will be an addict.

[gbailey]

Dh has never smoked pot and it's something I tried once in college and never did again.

[peainthepod]

No, you're not the only person who doesn't smoke pot. But I definitely wouldn't ask others if they do, any more than I would ask them about other things that are completely none of my business.

[2xy]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

I wouldn't worry about the parents. I can't imagine a single adult who would give pot to their kids, or anybody's kids. I don't even know any that would smoke it in front of their kids. Parents have been smoking pot forever. But, they don't share it with kids.

Um, yes, they do. I have an acquaintance who smokes with her teenagers and also bakes them pot-brownies and pot-cookies every so often.

I know a lot of people who smoke, but probably about half of my social circle does NOT smoke. My kids have a few friends who smoke (including the aforementioned teenagers). They have both admitted to being curious, and would probably try it if offered, but nobody has offered it to them and they aren't curious enough to seek it out.

DH and I do not smoke. I think it should be decriminalized, but am not interested in smoking. I'm an asthmatic.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

I smoked it for the first time in 25 years the other day. It's definitely overrated, and I couldn't have an intelligent conversation for three hours. I leaned against a stair rail pretending to look casual for an hour... when it was the only thing holding me up.

So, anybody who claims they can smoke pot and be a "Better driver" or "make clear decisions" is either lying, or deluded... or I was smoking the best pot in the world.

Or it could just be tolerance and idiosyncrasies. I know plenty of people who are still going strong (not for driving, obviously, but they're able to play video games quite well) after half a bottle of wine while I'm almost asleep after half a glass. (and it's even worse since having dd)

I've been at parties where people slipped into the other room and I only knew they'd been smoking pot because they told me.

[tjlucca]

[QUOTE=nextcommercial;15963075

I wouldn't worry about the parents. I can't imagine a single adult who would give pot to their kids, or anybody's kids. I don't even know any that would smoke it in front of their kids. Parents have been smoking pot forever. But, they don't share it with kids.[/QUOTE]


I feel the same

[VisionaryMom]

DH & I both are recreational users, though we rarely do it. I would say 80% of our friends use it. All are well-educated professionals, which means they 1) function just fine having smoked and 2) are careful enough not to use it or even discuss it in front of children. So, no, I don't ask, but my kids are little. They only go to houses of people we know really well.

As they're older, I can't imagine naming names to them. That has the potential to create all kinds of complicated social situations & temptations. I assume my children will find their own sources if they want it, though - no sense in being naive, it's not exactly hard to find.

[Latte Mama]

No MJ in this house. Though I do support medical use for sure. I have seen what it can do for pain/nausea relief for some of my sickest patients.

I'd really hope that parents would not smoke in front of their kids but mine did! I clearly remember my Mom and Stepdad smoking weed after their company baseball games. Or when having company over sometimes. I was probably like 8 or 9 so this was still the '70's.