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Am I the only one that doesn't smoke pot? - Page 2

post #21 of 151
I don't. did it as a teen but not really interested I got some K2 because it was legal and thought it would be fun but I still have a bag of it and haven't done it in months LOL DH is straight edge so he doesn't do anything
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post #22 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
Or it could just be tolerance and idiosyncrasies. I know plenty of people who are still going strong (not for driving, obviously, but they're able to play video games quite well) after half a bottle of wine while I'm almost asleep after half a glass. (and it's even worse since having dd)
At any given time in a restaurant, at least one of the employees is under the influence of something. Several of my co-workers come to work high and you wouldn't know unless you knew them very well. The owner of a previous restaurant I worked at was a wino, and could probably down a couple of bottles of wine before he even started slurring. He would go in the back late at night and cook his own food after several glasses of wine, and seemed completely sober.

I've worked with line cooks who were tripping on the job, and fellow servers who took mini-breaks to snort Oxycontin in the restroom. Most of these people weren't able to function if they WEREN'T using.
post #23 of 151
I know for a FACT there are parents that do it with their kids and their children's friends. My mother did it. I work at a school for "at risk" kids and their parents do it too. Nearly all the kids were introduced to drugs by their parents or their friend's parents.

I would not allow my child to be supervised by someone who is under the influence of anything. (She is 7)
post #24 of 151
post #25 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by fairejour View Post
I know for a FACT there are parents that do it with their kids and their children's friends. My mother did it. I work at a school for "at risk" kids and their parents do it too. Nearly all the kids were introduced to drugs by their parents or their friend's parents.

I would not allow my child to be supervised by someone who is under the influence of anything. (She is 7)
Yup, and at certain schools where I've taught, full of well-off kids from very well-off parents, the parents definitely allow their kids to partake with them. These are the same parents hosting parties where the kids get drunk. I dunno, it must be part of the culture here for some reason. I have had parents near tears asking me how to help their kids stay on track, when all their friends are suspended for being/getting high at school, and those kids' parents don't take away the iphone, the laptop, the fancy car, anything, from 14-17yos. Instead, they just party with them. I know there are kids who are high when I teach. If there are discernible signs (basically, the ones on the list the school gives us) I have to send an email to an AP to have them taken out of class and checked up on, but most of the time it's when they aren't using that it becomes clear which ones must be high the rest of the time. Now, I know some of the kids were on pot b/c of specific suspensions, but there are definitely other things going around, too (lots of Rx pills now). But anyway, the parents are certainly getting high with their kids, sharing their stash, etc. I feel for the parents who are trying to keep their kids away from it (parents of 14yos who have congenital health issues, parents of girls who hang out in dangerous situations, etc). But I can't imagine any of my friends operating like this. I can imagine them having some stuff around and being totally fine with my asking, hey, do you keep it locked up or could the kids find it while they're hanging out? Just as one might around booze or guns.
post #26 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by fairejour View Post
I know for a FACT there are parents that do it with their kids and their children's friends. My mother did it. I work at a school for "at risk" kids and their parents do it too. Nearly all the kids were introduced to drugs by their parents or their friend's parents.

I would not allow my child to be supervised by someone who is under the influence of anything. (She is 7)
Yup.
post #27 of 151
Dh and I occasionally smoke pot.

We never do it around someone else kids, and to be honest we don't do it around our kids. DD knows we smoke it, but it's something that DH and I do to wind down when the LO's are not around.

That being said, we know plenty of parents who don't smoke pot.
post #28 of 151
We don't smoke it. Only one of my siblings even bothered to try it. That didn't last long.

In our area, pot is not normative among adults who are also parents. (Alcohol, though, is a whole nother monster. and then there's the prescription drug stuff, and meth. It's just that for whatever reason marijuana isn't that big around here) It's a youth thing, or something that people who are already out of the mainstream do. Since I'm not into local youth culture, or local bar or bike cultures, it's just not part of my world or my friend's world.

If I suspected someone used marijuana, or had it in their house, I would have to think about our friendship, and the possible ramifications of being at their house or letting my kids be at their house. I could probably still remain friends, but would try to spend time with them either at my house or at a neutral place like a park.
post #29 of 151
My dd has known for at least 2 years that not only does her BF's mom smoke it but has been known to sell it. She still has no interest. My dh used to be a big time smoker and might smoke a little now if it weren't for the random drug testing at work. I did once in HS and couldn't get that whole inhalation thing down .

And I live in CO where I travel 17 miles to work and pass 19 dispencaries
post #30 of 151
We dont smoke pot regularly, but Ill take a puff every couple of years at a party or something. I think if they arent high when they are dealing with your kids, it really isnt much of your concern. There are all kinds of things people do for recreation that people will differ on morally.
post #31 of 151
Never smoked (never smoked anything actually). I do agree that MJ could just as well be legal, but it isn't. I want my child to grow up knowing that respect for the law is important. You can be a concientious objector and defy the law for important moral issues. But in my opinion its not OK to do so for recreation, and I would want to be clear to my children on that point.
post #32 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by cymbeline View Post
We've talked to 11yo about drugs, and we've briefly talked about "what if" a friend's parent was doing drugs and offered him some. I'm torn, though: Should we name names or assume he will figure it out on his own? Should we confront those parents directly and risk being socially ousted from our circle?
I'm curious where you live! This isn't what the grown ups are like where we live, but I have known that some of my DD's friends older sibs were smoking pot (and doing god knows what else).

I wouldn't name names, but I would keep talking. I'd also talk to him about how to handle his friends smoking (because it really is just a matter of time).

I've no idea if you should talk to the other parents. We drink, and if another parent whose child was spending the night at my house asked how we handle liquor in our house I would happily tell them. None the less, I think that some parents would get really freaked out by those kinds of questions, no matter how nicely you ask.

And since your son is 11, he really is old enough to be responsible for his own choices in other people's home. We've talked about this a lot (my kids are 12 and 14). We've talked about *why* the behavior we recommend is a good idea. We've talked about how some times other people, including older teens and adults, make poor choices. We talked about how you can always come back home if you are uncomfortable (and I think a cell phone is GREAT for kids this age).

We explained that if you are ever in a social situation that is a little out of control (i.e. party) and suddenly have a moment of clarity about some of these things, it's fine to call and you will not be in trouble. I was very wild when I was young, and I had to learn a lot of things by screwing up first. I want to make sure that I pave the path for my kids so that if they need to screw up, when they figure out that they've screwed up I'm the first person they call.
post #33 of 151
Thread Starter 
I guess I should be clear that I live in an upper-middle class hipster neighborhood. Mostly educated white folks (techies, chemists, college profs, architects). The ones that smoke, it isn't a secret. In my neighborhood, smoking pot is what the cool, hipster parents do. Our friends have been doing it for yrs, most smoke nightly after their kids are in bed (which included when we got together and hang out late at night for bbq's and stuff), it just hadn't been a big deal to me until recently when our kids started to come of age and started cluing in to what was going on behind the garage or wherever -- and now that it is becoming a big deal and I've voiced my opinion, I'm getting cut off from my social circle and it feels really weird. I'm starting to figure out that, even though the rest of my family thinks I am a crazy liberal, apparently according to some of my neighbors, I am a conservative narc.

And I wasn't being oblique when I said that some other parents felt that it was ok to smoke with the kids. We've talked about it, and this is what they told me. They plan to eventually introduce it to their kids... who are my kid's friends -- they feel this is "safer" than if they explore on their own. I'm not stupid -- I know my kids will be offered this stuff by their friends (or my friends) eventually.

To be blunt, I didn't start this thread to have a convo about whether it is ok to smoke pot, whether it is similar to alcohol, etc. I know how I feel about it. I am not ok with my kid doing illegal stuff while he is a minor in my care, period. When he is a legal adult, out of my house, it is his call.

What I'm trying to figure out is how to navigate these issues socially. When the kids were younger, none of us worried about it too much. The kids didn't know what pot was or why their parents got so giddy at block parties. But now our oldest kids are... older. And a lot of them know what is going on (or are about to find out) and they are getting curious and they are getting a lot of mixed messages.

Frankly, if I don't tell my kid who is high it probably won't matter. He can tell when someone is acting strange. Even though my parents would never admit my dad drank too much, I knew as a kid that something was up -- kids aren't stupid. I don't want him to end up in an uncomfortable situation when it would be polite to throw him a rope, y'know? So I could say something like, "Look, J's dad sometimes smokes pot. Some people think it should be legal, like alcohol. Either way, we don't think its alright for kids to smoke or drink. J or J's dad might try to offer you drugs or alcohol at some point, and you should say no. If J is your friend, she will be cool and never try to pressure you."

In the meantime, I'm bummed about losing my social life. And I'm trying to figure out how to find new friends without getting in their faces about it, y'know, because, yeah, I agree it isn't my business... unless/until they make it my kid's business.
post #34 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by cymbeline View Post
I guess I should be clear that I live in an upper-middle class hipster neighborhood. Mostly educated white folks (techies, chemists, college profs, architects). The ones that smoke, it isn't a secret. In my neighborhood, smoking pot is what the cool, hipster parents do. Our friends have been doing it for yrs, most smoke nightly after their kids are in bed (which included when we got together and hang out late at night for bbq's and stuff), it just hadn't been a big deal to me until recently when our kids started to come of age and started cluing in to what was going on behind the garage or wherever -- and now that it is becoming a big deal and I've voiced my opinion, I'm getting cut off from my social circle and it feels really weird. I'm starting to figure out that, even though the rest of my family thinks I am a crazy liberal, apparently according to some of my neighbors, I am a conservative narc.


What I'm trying to figure out is how to navigate these issues socially.
When the kids were younger, none of us worried about it too much. The kids didn't know what pot was or why their parents got so giddy at block parties. But now our oldest kids are... older. And a lot of them know what is going on (or are about to find out) and they are getting curious and they are getting a lot of mixed messages.

Frankly, if I don't tell my kid who is high it probably won't matter. He can tell when someone is acting strange. Even though my parents would never admit my dad drank too much, I knew as a kid that something was up -- kids aren't stupid. I don't want him to end up in an uncomfortable situation when it would be polite to throw him a rope, y'know? So I could say something like, "Look, J's dad sometimes smokes pot. Some people think it should be legal, like alcohol. Either way, we don't think its alright for kids to smoke or drink. J or J's dad might try to offer you drugs or alcohol at some point, and you should say no. If J is your friend, she will be cool and never try to pressure you."
I think that you can have conversations about the debate surrounding pot becoming legal without naming names, and pretty much all of the above without naming names. You can also tell him that you will come pick him up always if he needs you to - no questions asked (or if thats not your style, you can have some guidelines that you are comfortable with surrounding him calling you to come get him if/when he needs you to). I think its a great talk to have with ALL kids who are coming of age - even if you don't have friends who smoke pot or drink.

I know what you mean about navigating it socially too, I don't drink and I'm in law school - do know any lawyers who don't drink? I think I'm the ONLY one! LOL, its not so bad though, I just don't act like I'm a crazy party girl, and people either take me as I am, or they don't and thats their problem not mine. My job is to be me, not someone everyone will like.

And, I also walk the line of being a crazy liberal and a conservative narc. partly b/c I don't think mj should be legal (no flames please, I don't want to argue about it), I don't drink, but politically I'm pretty liberal, and I go to a liberal law school that focuses on human needs. It's a tough line to walk, and you have my sympathy!
post #35 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by cymbeline View Post
In the meantime, I'm bummed about losing my social life. And I'm trying to figure out how to find new friends without getting in their faces about it, y'know, because, yeah, I agree it isn't my business... unless/until they make it my kid's business.
Gently, mama, I think it would be much easier--and less stressful for you--to drug-proof your child than to worry constantly about whether your friends are offering your child drugs. Honestly, our lifestyle has changed toward almost total sobriety now that we're parents (I'm sober, DH has maybe a beer after dinner once or twice a week) but I would be pretty offended if another parent insinuated or even outright said that we would ever even consider giving someone else's child drugs or alcohol.

Just because some parents plan to introduce their children to substances in a safe environment under close supervision (as is done with alcohol by parents across the planet) doesn't mean they would offer them to your children. Most of our friends are very laid-back and many of them do smoke recreationally but it wouldn't even occur to me to remind them not to give our child drugs or alcohol. Because I trust them enough to know that they wouldn't dream of it. If I didn't trust them enough, we wouldn't let our child spend time with them at all. (Before we moved to our current location, we also lived in a very upper middle class white hipster neighborhood and most of our parent friends would have fit that description, so I know exactly the scene you're talking about.)

Is it possible that you've gotten a reputation as the neighborhood narc because you've been maybe a little tactless in your dealings with your friends whom you know smoke pot? Remember that saying, "We don't approve of our child doing something illegal, no matter what!" is implying that you don't approve of your friends doing that illegal thing, no matter how victimless it is. People might take that as a self-righteous judgment of their own behavior and respond poorly.

This seems like a good teaching opportunity for your children. You can impress your values on them and open the door for future communication, stressing that if things get too intense during a social situation they can always call you for help without fear of getting in trouble. And you can help give them tools to deal firmly and gracefully with peer pressure. That seems much easier (and more effective, and less socially isolating) than trying to screen each and every other parent your child may encounter for possible drug use.

You brought up guns in your OP. My husband I are gun owners and in our area, so is nearly everyone we know. Rather than quiz everyone in town about their knowledge of proper gun storage, we are choosing to teach our children basic gun safety as soon as they're old enough to understand the basic Eddie Eagle rules for what to do if you find a gun (Stop! Don't touch! Leave the area! Tell an adult!). It's also why we start teaching them to swim in infancy--much easier than trying to keep them away from all potentially dangerous bodies of water, right? We can't make the world a safe place. All we can do is equip our little ones with the tools to be safe in it.

Like it or not, drugs are everywhere and parents who use drugs might not admit it to you even if you ask. I would work on teaching your little ones how to deal with being offered drugs instead of trying to control whether they're around people who might use drugs recreationally from time to time.
post #36 of 151
I feel the same way you do.

I would like to see it legalized (medical or recreational, my feeling is, it's not worse than alcohol so let's just get it over with, who freaking cares?).
Quote:
We've talked to 11yo about drugs, and we've briefly talked about "what if" a friend's parent was doing drugs and offered him some. I'm torn, though: Should we name names or assume he will figure it out on his own? Should we confront those parents directly and risk being socially ousted from our circle?

The worst part is that we are starting to feel like the only people in the neighborhood that don't smoke weed. And as we meet new people, I am left wondering -- when is it ok to ask? Is it ever?
Don't ask. Why?

Do you really think they're offering it to pre-teens? I would focus more on the overall drug strategy: your brain is still growing, drugs including alcohol are going to have a big effect on that, we don't do illegal drugs for the following reasons, if you don't want to but are feeling pressured here's what you can say/do, and don't even think about bringing so much as a gram in this house.

Not naming names, that's really not necessary IMO.
post #37 of 151
Quote:
Originally Posted by eclipse View Post
Well, . Do you ask people if they have alcohol in their house? Do you assume that parents who smoke cigarettes are going to then allow your kids to smoke them in their house, or even smoke around them? I don't think I'd allow my kids in the house of someone who I thought lacked the kind of judgment that would be required to smoke pot around someone else's child or give them access to it - whether I knew they smoked or not. Smoking pot doesn't make someone irresponsible.

So, no, I don't think it's ever appropriate to ask. I also don't think it's helpful. As you said, we're talking about something illegal here - if they have reason to think you disapprove, they probably would choose not to be upfront about it for fear of repercussions.
I think alcohol and ciggs are much worse than pot anyhow
post #38 of 151
I don't use it. I never have. DH tried it once, and fell asleep for most of the weekend, he's not interested.

We have friends who smoke, but there are other reasons my kids aren't allowed there without one of us.

Moving to an area where it is more readily accessible and more socially acceptable- I do worry about this. I have absolutely no room for a grey area when it comes to my children being exposed to illegal substances while they are in my care. As adults- I can't make their decisions for them. Until then, they will know that I don't think it is acceptable.

I also think pot should be legal, but it isn't.

Medical Marijuana cards- at least here- are a scam. Pay a couple hundred dollars and have a card- you just claim some vague ailment... I have no use for the whole mess, and I wish it were truly a medical marijuana card or were legalized altogether. I don't like grey areas or exploited laws.
post #39 of 151
Whoever said that pot smoking parents don't offer it to their kids is so wrong. My dh's parents used to smoke pot, WITH him, when ge was middle school and high school aged. They are highly educated, middle class, etc. You'd never guess it.

When I was in high school, we all knew there were certain parents who "partied" with their kids. I would limit my kid's time with families I had reservations about.
post #40 of 151
In high school I had a friend whose mom smoked in front of her, who sometimes shared with her, and who got on her DD's case for regularly raiding her stash. There are adults who cross this line and provide their kids with access to it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
I wouldn't worry about the parents. I can't imagine a single adult who would give pot to their kids, or anybody's kids. I don't even know any that would smoke it in front of their kids. Parents have been smoking pot forever. But, they don't share it with kids.
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