I guess I should be clear that I live in an upper-middle class hipster neighborhood. Mostly educated white folks (techies, chemists, college profs, architects). The ones that smoke, it isn't a secret. In my neighborhood, smoking pot is what the cool, hipster parents do. Our friends have been doing it for yrs, most smoke nightly after their kids are in bed (which included when we got together and hang out late at night for bbq's and stuff), it just hadn't been a big deal to me until recently when our kids started to come of age and started cluing in to what was going on behind the garage or wherever -- and now that it is becoming a big deal and I've voiced my opinion, I'm getting cut off from my social circle and it feels really weird. I'm starting to figure out that, even though the rest of my family thinks I am a crazy liberal, apparently according to some of my neighbors, I am a conservative narc.
And I wasn't being oblique when I said that some other parents felt that it was ok to smoke with the kids. We've talked about it, and this is what they told me. They plan to eventually introduce it to their kids... who are my kid's friends -- they feel this is "safer" than if they explore on their own. I'm not stupid -- I know my kids will be offered this stuff by their friends (or my friends) eventually.
To be blunt, I didn't start this thread to have a convo about whether it is ok to smoke pot, whether it is similar to alcohol, etc. I know how I feel about it. I am not ok with my kid doing illegal stuff while he is a minor in my care, period. When he is a legal adult, out of my house, it is his call.
What I'm trying to figure out is how to navigate these issues socially. When the kids were younger, none of us worried about it too much. The kids didn't know what pot was or why their parents got so giddy at block parties. But now our oldest kids are... older. And a lot of them know what is going on (or are about to find out) and they are getting curious and they are getting a lot of mixed messages.
Frankly, if I don't tell my kid who is high it probably won't matter. He can tell when someone is acting strange. Even though my parents would never admit my dad drank too much, I knew as a kid that something was up -- kids aren't stupid. I don't want him to end up in an uncomfortable situation when it would be polite to throw him a rope, y'know? So I could say something like, "Look, J's dad sometimes smokes pot. Some people think it should be legal, like alcohol. Either way, we don't think its alright for kids to smoke or drink. J or J's dad might try to offer you drugs or alcohol at some point, and you should say no. If J is your friend, she will be cool and never try to pressure you."
In the meantime, I'm bummed about losing my social life. And I'm trying to figure out how to find new friends without getting in their faces about it, y'know, because, yeah, I agree it isn't my business... unless/until they make it my kid's business.