Am I the only one that doesn't smoke pot? - Page 3

[PGTlatte]

Originally Posted by peainthepod

This seems like a good teaching opportunity for your children. You can impress your values on them and open the door for future communication, stressing that if things get too intense during a social situation they can always call you for help without fear of getting in trouble. And you can help give them tools to deal firmly and gracefully with peer pressure. That seems much easier (and more effective, and less socially isolating) than trying to screen each and every other parent your child may encounter for possible drug use.

You brought up guns in your OP. My husband I are gun owners and in our area, so is nearly everyone we know. Rather than quiz everyone in town about their knowledge of proper gun storage, we are choosing to teach our children basic gun safety as soon as they're old enough to understand the basic Eddie Eagle rules for what to do if you find a gun (Stop! Don't touch! Leave the area! Tell an adult!). It's also why we start teaching them to swim in infancy--much easier than trying to keep them away from all potentially dangerous bodies of water, right? We can't make the world a safe place. All we can do is equip our little ones with the tools to be safe in it.

Like it or not, drugs are everywhere and parents who use drugs might not admit it to you even if you ask. I would work on teaching your little ones how to deal with being offered drugs instead of trying to control whether they're around people who might use drugs recreationally from time to time.

[oaktreemama]

You brought up guns in your OP. My husband I are gun owners and in our area, so is nearly everyone we know. Rather than quiz everyone in town about their knowledge of proper gun storage, we are choosing to teach our children basic gun safety as soon as they're old enough to understand the basic Eddie Eagle rules for what to do if you find a gun (Stop! Don't touch! Leave the area! Tell an adult!). It's also why we start teaching them to swim in infancy--much easier than trying to keep them away from all potentially dangerous bodies of water, right? We can't make the world a safe place. All we can do is equip our little ones with the tools to be safe in it.

Like it or not, drugs are everywhere and parents who use drugs might not admit it to you even if you ask. I would work on teaching your little ones how to deal with being offered drugs instead of trying to control whether they're around people who might use drugs recreationally from time to time.

What a wise post.

I constantly remind myself I can not control what others do. All I can control is my reaction to it. Teach your children your values. Teach them that other people may do things you don't approve of (without naming names!!) and explain why you don't approve.

Talking with your children and being available and involved in your children's lives is the single best indicator of future drug avoidance. You can't control the world Mama. But you can help your kids choose a good path.

[reezley]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

I'm curious where you live! This isn't what the grown ups are like where we live, but I have known that some of my DD's friends older sibs were smoking pot (and doing god knows what else).

This whole thread is shocking to me. I've never smoked pot, dh hasn't since I've known him, but he did as a teen/young adult. My kids are still too young, I guess, for this to be an issue that I've run into, and I haven't heard of parents here smoking pot either. Maybe I'll be in for a culture shock one of these years...

[tireesix]

I just don't know what to think of a couple of responses on this thread or even the OP.

I haven't smoked pot in a wee while, more down to not being able to get any than anything else. Its just nice to chill and I can't drink and I suffer chronic pain and hate my other meds and would much rather have a smoke now and again.

I am just not sure what people class as ok I guess and the differences between. Why is medical pot ok non medical not ok (forgetting about legal status) I mean just cos one is prescribed doesn't mean that they don't go and smoke loadsa the stuff (I'm sorry, got an awful cold, its 5 am and not slept much and feel like crap so probably not gonna make any sense).

I take drugs, I guess they could be a bit scary, I mean would you allow your kids to come to mine? Not illegal drugs but prescription drugs, morphine in the fridge and such things (opiates).

I just think, bar some obvious things ie I am not going to let my kids go around to someones house if the parents are obviously drunk, stoned, waving guns around etc, that really, its not my business where they keep their stash, whether they have a few bottles of wine in the fridge etc. As long my kid and their kids were happy, weren't traumatised by anything and hopefully myself and the parents could get a long too, then surely thats best?

[Tigerchild]

I have never had the desire to smoke anything. Or to drink alcohol for that matter. So no, you aren't the only people out there who don't. OTOH, I really could not care less if other people do, and I don't feel left out if I can't tell stories about stupid things I did when I was high--instead, I tell people stories about how I took advantage of people who were stupidly high (like getting gas money in college by going to parties and playing poker with drunk people. Even though I don't have the slightest idea how to play poker.)

I think it's important to talk to your kids about your rules and expectations for illegal drugs (and drugs that are illegal for them) even if you have all friends who seem to be teetotalers. You just never know. I'm also not sure that I would be worried that my kids might find out about drugs from their friends--if people are that open about it in adult company, I'd be shocked if their kids haven't heard their view. I've got kids in 2nd and 3rd grade, and I know all their friends' parents voting preference, whether or not they like President Obama, ect. because if a subject comes up and the kids have overheard their parents talking about it--they talk about it amongst each other.

I think if you already had a discussion as a group about guns, there's got to be a way to say, "You know, I support the legalization of pot--but we don't smoke, and while I'm sure you wouldn't smoke around my kids, I just need to be reassured that he's not going to be exposed to that while on a playdate."

In all honesty though, I really don't get how one could have a safety concern over a properly stored firearm and not be willing to voice a safety concern that the same parents who would cut out a gun owner might offer your kid some pot? If you think that they would do that, then your kid shouldn't be over there anyway unless you want him to try some free pot. If you don't, talk to him about your expectations, but...I dunno, I guess the stereotype is "ditzy stoner" but surely your friends aren't that irresponsible?

[Strong Mama]

I have never smoked pot, or drank. Now dh, when I met him was tokin off the bong throughout the whole day. Said it helped his ADD.Whatever, actually, it did. BUT when dh was 7 he remembers his parents parties and a *smell*. When he got older, he realised that smell was mj. He was nostalgic and smoked pot for childhood memories of his parents getting wasted with friends right in front of him and the other children. This lead him on a crash colision course with all sorts of drugs. I told dh if he didnt stop smoking, I wouldnt marry him. B/c 1. its illegal and I have a clean background and was not going to compromise myself 2. he acted stupid and lazy on it. and 3. i was with an addict before and not going down that path again. Dh had been smoking pot since he was 13, and was 33 when he stopped completely. He has not smoked pot in 9 months. He made the deans list for the first time ever in college.He gained 20 pounds(he was a STICK and looked unhealthy). He says it is the best he has ever felt. Now.
I am not against MJ, just for the legal purposes. I feel like my dh smoked it TOO MUCH. But, to chill with friends occasionally, thats a different story. I just have never needed to do it. And I was always around it, always. My sons friends smoke pot. I know which ones do. My son does not, but I have told him if he did, Im not going to freak about it. But I have told him remember its illegal, so if you get caught, mama aint bailing you out. He knows I mean it.
So no, not everybody smokes it. I would hope at the age of 11 you have had the whole drugs chat with him, what drugs are, different types to recognize, the effects they have, the legal side of it, etc. But facing facts, as he gets older, he WILL see pot. And a lot worse.

[phathui5]

We don't smoke pot and we wouldn't let our kids go to houses of people who do. I do think it should be legal, but at this point it isn't.

[Mackenzie]

Originally Posted by tireesix

I just don't know what to think of a couple of responses on this thread or even the OP.

I haven't smoked pot in a wee while, more down to not being able to get any than anything else. Its just nice to chill and I can't drink and I suffer chronic pain and hate my other meds and would much rather have a smoke now and again.

I am just not sure what people class as ok I guess and the differences between. Why is medical pot ok non medical not ok (forgetting about legal status) I mean just cos one is prescribed doesn't mean that they don't go and smoke loadsa the stuff (I'm sorry, got an awful cold, its 5 am and not slept much and feel like crap so probably not gonna make any sense).

I take drugs, I guess they could be a bit scary, I mean would you allow your kids to come to mine? Not illegal drugs but prescription drugs, morphine in the fridge and such things (opiates).

I just think, bar some obvious things ie I am not going to let my kids go around to someones house if the parents are obviously drunk, stoned, waving guns around etc, that really, its not my business where they keep their stash, whether they have a few bottles of wine in the fridge etc. As long my kid and their kids were happy, weren't traumatised by anything and hopefully myself and the parents could get a long too, then surely thats best?

I agree. When my dad was nearing the end of his life, for the final 6 months or so I would say, we had enough morphine and stuff to kill dozens of horses. He got them in the mail, legally, by the HUNDREDEDS! When he passed away, ended up with almost a thousand prescribed, narcotic pain meds. He also smoked weed. Because that helped things that even the morphine would not touch. He would have never ate without it. Would have constantly been in pain. Ugh. We lived where medicinal is legal but because his health care was through the VA and they won't acknowledge the value of that, he had to go on his own.

I am one who grew up with it in the house. He was never dangerous, or neglectful or incapacitated by that. I had the option to smoke with him when I was 16 or 17... I will tell you that I started smoking with my FRIENDS well before with HIM. And I knew. And he knew I knew. But it's not like some of you are making it out to be that as soon as I was able to talk that he was offering me a J. My consumption didn't go up after I started smoking with him (it was a pretty frequent thing anyhow then). I stopped all together about the time I got pregnant with #1 (which was more due to moving to Texas where the weed is crap than anything else). I may have smoked a time or two after that. When I moved back to WA near my dad, I didn't turn into a huge pot head. Even when I had access to it anytime, for free. I smoke on occasion now but meh...

When dad got real sick, we talked to the kids about the mj. They knew it was a medicinal that helped grandpa A LOT. They know that it is technically illegal, and frowned upon by many and that it is not something we really talk about to random people. They also know that it is a thing for grown ups and not them, like alcohol, cigarettes and cussing. I had wonderful communication with my dad and maintain that with my children. I don't think that they are going to be hitting their classmates up for crack or anything tomorrow because they know that grandpa smoked weed.

[CherryBomb]

Originally Posted by phathui5

We don't smoke pot and we wouldn't let our kids go to houses of people who do. I do think it should be legal, but at this point it isn't.

I also won't let my kids go to a home where the parents smoke inside or drink a lot.

And yes, plenty of parents smoke with their kids and have no qualms about doing it with other people's kids, either. I smoked a lot of pot with various friends' parents, and they certainly never asked my mom if it was okay. My father had kids over all the time to get drunk. And before you think he was such a wonderful responsible person who wanted to make sure kids were safe because "they'll do it, anyway," he wasn't. He'd get them (boys) drunk, drug them, and sexually assault them. Not everyone is a good person.

[lonegirl]

We don't smoke (anything), never have, and never plan to! I hate it. I hate when the smoke drifts into the area. I hate when the smell lingers on clothes and in rooms. I just hate it.
We can have lots of fun without the aid of recreational drugs.

Oh and if anyone was doing it around my son I would ask them to leave or we would leave. Not acceptable in my books. Even if it is "medicinal" I don't want it around my son or myself.

[journeymom]

Peainthepod has it right on.

So I could say something like, "Look, J's dad sometimes smokes pot. Some people think it should be legal, like alcohol. Either way, we don't think its alright for kids to smoke or drink. J or J's dad might try to offer you drugs or alcohol at some point, and you should say no. If J is your friend, she will be cool and never try to pressure you."

I really think this is a bad idea. Frankly, you could simply be wrong about J's dad. Better would be, "Look, some of your friend's parents smoke pot. Some people think it should be legal, like alcohol. Either way, we don't think it's alright for kids to smoke or drink. At some point one of your friends or even their parents might off you drugs or alcohol, but you should say no. If your friend is your friend, they will be cool with it and never try to pressure you."

I do like your last line there and I think you should expand on it. Friends loom hugely in our teens' minds. Their peers are so important to them. I think you will have more success helping your son understand what you are learning, that the consequence of refusing to partake might mean a cooling of his relationship with any particular friend. Or it might not. Either way, it might help him more if he is prepared to deal with that.

Edited to add, dh and I are 42 y.o. and we have never used pot. I saw a therapist back when I was a newly-wed and as part of the intake questionnaire she of course asked what kind illegal substances I might have used. She flat out didn't believe me that I'd never smoked pot.

[Qestia]

Where is the usual chorus of "Protecting the Gift" people? I'll be the first. I believe it is my responsibility as a parent to not send my child into dangerous situations. Therefore, before I allow my child to be someplace unsupervised, it is my responsibility to find out what is going on in that place and by whom. That is--to find out whether it's dangerous or not. That involves asking awkward questions.* My children are young, but I totally plan on embarassing them as teenagers by calling the parents who are say, letting their child have a party at their house and asking them what their beliefs are about alcohol, what they will do to restrict it from being consumed, and whether an adult will be onsite at all times. Note I said alcohol. Before this thread I hadn't even thought about pot. I drink, I like to drink, but I'm not going allow my teenaged child to go unsupervised to a home where they have unrestricted access to alcohol, much less drugs of any sort. People say we need to "drug proof" our child and that is part of the equation but not the whole equation--I still need to be responsible and engaged in keeping my child safe.

No, I don't smoke pot. Tried it 2-3 times in college, didnt like it. I think it should be legal--but I would still have these hesitations if it were (as with alcohol above).

*And yes--I've already been "That Parent" for asking for details about an unsupervised playdate for my 4 year old, and for asking the school how they hire their teachers--what safeguards were in place. Things I thought were fairly ordinary questions. I don't care if people think I'm weird--my children's safety is more important.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Qestia

My children are young, but I totally plan on embarassing them as teenagers by calling the parents who are say, letting their child have a party at their house and asking them what their beliefs are about alcohol, what they will do to restrict it from being consumed, and whether an adult will be onsite at all times.

My parents were really strict and controlling, and I became very secretive. I don't think your plan allows for open communication with your teens.

With teens, our role as parent is more complex. We are preparing our kids for life on their own. The ability to make choices and have freedoms should (IMHO) come slowly, not all at once when the young adult leaves home.

The way to handle these issues is different than a play date for a 4 year old. And appropriate parenting for a 12 year old isn't the same as a 16 year old. What works when they are small just isn't healthy when the are no longer children. We are supposed to be working ourselves out of a job.

[Qestia]

How is finding out whether there will be parent-supplied alcohol, or parents present, at the party my teen is attending closing the door for open communication with my child? It's a long continuum between being "strict and controlling" and buying them booze, and I will fall somewhere in the middle.

There have been a few incidents in my state of kids dying at teen parties where no parents were present, never mind the lesser things that can happen.
http://www.boston.com/news/local/mas..._before_death/

[Mackenzie]

Originally Posted by Qestia

Where is the usual chorus of "Protecting the Gift" people? I'll be the first. I believe it is my responsibility as a parent to not send my child into dangerous situations. Therefore, before I allow my child to be someplace unsupervised, it is my responsibility to find out what is going on in that place and by whom. That is--to find out whether it's dangerous or not. That involves asking awkward questions.* My children are young, but I totally plan on embarassing them as teenagers by calling the parents who are say, letting their child have a party at their house and asking them what their beliefs are about alcohol, what they will do to restrict it from being consumed, and whether an adult will be onsite at all times. Note I said alcohol. Before this thread I hadn't even thought about pot. I drink, I like to drink, but I'm not going allow my teenaged child to go unsupervised to a home where they have unrestricted access to alcohol, much less drugs of any sort. People say we need to "drug proof" our child and that is part of the equation but not the whole equation--I still need to be responsible and engaged in keeping my child safe.

No, I don't smoke pot. Tried it 2-3 times in college, didnt like it. I think it should be legal--but I would still have these hesitations if it were (as with alcohol above).

*And yes--I've already been "That Parent" for asking for details about an unsupervised playdate for my 4 year old, and for asking the school how they hire their teachers--what safeguards were in place. Things I thought were fairly ordinary questions. I don't care if people think I'm weird--my children's safety is more important.

The bolded is why you are looking at closing off communication. Older kids will do a lot to avoid being embarrassed by their parents.

[New_Natural_Mom]

No. We don't smoke anything or do any drugs and we never have. I don't drink and DH drinks lightly on occasion (not to drunkenness). I don't want to be around people doing drugs, any drugs, legal or not. I am not interested in that. I will do everything I can to ensure my DS never does drugs. I just don't want it in my family.

[Mal85]

*haven't read all the replies*

It sounds like you have had the conversations you need to have with your 11 y/o. I agree with something a PP said about it's really the kids his age you have to be more worried about. I knew adults in my life that smoked pot... they were the last people I wanted to get high with when I was in high school, even if the option had been on the table.

That being said... I think the next conversation you need to have would be with your adult friends. I would just let them know what you're comfortable with in front of/around you kid and ask them to be respectful of that. If you don't want it done in front of your kid, let them know. If you don't want them to offer it to your kid, ever, let them know. If you've been friends with these people for this long, surely they will respect your wishes. It doesn't have to be a big deal, you guys just differ on this area of parenting.

Personally... my group of friends smokes pot too. We've all just started having kids, so we only have toddlers around for the most part. Even though they are young enough to not know the difference, it is understood that it's not done in front of the kids. We're all pretty much in agreement that it's something we do with each other, not our kids and not each other's kids. Our kids will have their own generation of people they do silly things with. I don't feel the need to share that part of my life with my kids. But maybe that's just us.

Sounds like you'd feel more comfortable if you just talked to your friends about it. And, no, I wouldn't name names to your 11 y/o. An 11 y/o kid is just going to name names to another 11 y/o kid... not something I would want to happen.

[Zan&Zav]

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[Zan&Zav]

Originally Posted by ledzepplon

Whoever said that pot smoking parents don't offer it to their kids is so wrong. My dh's parents used to smoke pot, WITH him, when ge was middle school and high school aged. They are highly educated, middle class, etc. You'd never guess it.

When I was in high school, we all knew there were certain parents who "partied" with their kids. I would limit my kid's time with families I had reservations about.

the first time i smoked (or saw) pot, i was offered it by my high school boyfriends mom. it was only her and i home, i had no idea what it was before then. I havent smoked it since high school though and have no plans to.

[SeekingSerenity]

Originally Posted by Norasmomma

Well in my state there are many people who have medical marijuana permits, including multiple family members. So for some it is illegal and for some it's not. Most of the people I know do and I can say that most of them are pretty darn mellow, happy people and parents.

I guess where I live it's even more of a gray area due to the fact that many people are totally allowed to possess and have it.

I wouldn't tell your son who does and doesn't though.

You must live where I do. I just got here, and I didn't even know that med-pot was legal here. I was a bit at how casual people here about it.

I have not been around anyone who has a scrip for it (then again, I've only been here 6 weeks) but there are still plenty in the family who smoke it nonetheless. I do sometimes feel like the prude in the crowd, because I voluntarily opt out. I have done it before - rarely - but honestly, I don't have any desire to do it anymore. With my medical history, in this state I could probably get a scrip for it, but I just don't want one.



As far as whether or not to let my kids around people who do, I have no problem with it. I have only known one truly irresponsible smoker, and she has been out of my life since before I had the younger kids. Of course, I'm okay with my kids being around gun-owners too. I'm currently living in a... ahem... well-armed household.