Am I the only one that doesn't smoke pot? - Page 4

[Neuromancer]

Nearly all of my friends (high school until now) smoke pot. I've never smoked it. I wouldn't want any other parents smoking it around my child, but I'm not sure I'd bring it up unless my kid came home smelling like it.

[Bluegoat]

It sounds to me like you (OP) have two issues. One is that you need to help your child deal with this kind of situation if he's ever confronted with it.

But it also sounds like you are coming to the conclusion that your group of friends are not really giving out the kinds of example you want your son to see in the adults around him on a regular basis. If that is the case, then it may be that you are just going to have to find a different group of people to hang out with most of the time. Which stinks.

I personally would be very careful about letting my kids spend time alone with parents who would be high while my kids were there, much less give them drugs. I have a number of people who are serious pot users in my family, and I also have a family history of mental illness, and I don't feel that I can afford to let my kids learn to take the use of "recreational" drugs lightly.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by reezley

and I haven't heard of parents here smoking pot either. Maybe I'll be in for a culture shock one of these years...

I would hazard a guess that you know parents who smoke. It's not like most folks announce it. As I said earlier, our friends are professionals and include professors, PR reps (talk about the irony of being found out), government officials, engineers, etc. So these aren't folks who go around announcing that smoke a joint once or twice a year. If you weren't at parties with them when it was done (and sometimes even if you were because it's typically done outside and everyone's not told), you would have no idea they smoke.

I imagine most people who think they don't know anyone who smokes are thinking of stoners who feed their munchies while they're watching Half-Baked, but that's only a small segment of the people who smoke.

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

Nope. Not a smoker. My dh is a law enforcement officer, so it's just not going to happen unless it's legalised. That being said, I do know parents who smoke. I wouldn't in a million years be concerned that they'd offer my child pot! I would not be friends with them if I suspected them of such carelessness and obvious dismissal of what we allow in our family.

[waiting2bemommy]

You aren't the only person who doesn't smoke weed! I swore off it (probably not permanently but for a while) two months ago for several reasons and since I am trying to stick to it I have tried to discourage my neighbors from coming over and smoking here, in front of me. However their weed smoking status does not affect whether or not I let my kid play there or anything. Unless of course they were ridiculously high while supervising the kids, or actively dealing with the kids around, or seomthing.

I'm pretty sure my ds knows they smoke weed but it is such an accepted thing here that it doesn't seem any different to him than smoking a cigarette or having a drink. He certainly knows what it is though. When he is older I would discourage him from using it mainly because it is illegal, and I would never offer it to him or smoke with him. But it would not be the huge deal to me that some people make it out to be.

[phathui5]

So I could say something like, "Look, J's dad sometimes smokes pot. Some people think it should be legal, like alcohol. Either way, we don't think its alright for kids to smoke or drink. J or J's dad might try to offer you drugs or alcohol at some point, and you should say no. If J is your friend, she will be cool and never try to pressure you."

I don't think that's a bad way to approach it with your ds, but I have to ask, do you really think that the adult would offer pot to your child?

[becoming]

I wouldn't name names, but I think it's good you're making him aware that it's out there & maybe mention that people he's close to might be doing it but that doesn't mean it's okay.

No, you're not the only one. Call me completely sheltered, but I've never even seen pot in person, and no way in this lifetime will I be smoking it.

[EdnaMarie]

do you really think that the adult would offer pot to your child?

You'd be amazed the dumb things people do. They just don't think (especially while high). They wouldn't think out, "Is offering a minor an illegal substance without consulting her parents a good idea?" They would just think, "Aw, who cares, people shouldn't be so uptight!"

[Mom2M]

So I could say something like, "Look, J's dad sometimes smokes pot. Some people think it should be legal, like alcohol. Either way, we don't think its alright for kids to smoke or drink. J or J's dad might try to offer you drugs or alcohol at some point, and you should say no. If J is your friend, she will be cool and never try to pressure you."

I think this is a good way to start talking with him about it but I would not name specific names.

I will preface the following by saying I am in favor of legalizing pot, I think it has many benefits when ingested in moderation and that alcohol/tobacco use can be more toxic than pot.

There are studies and some evidence that long term effects of pot use or alcohol use on a developing brain can be associated with permanently impaired cognitive ability whether it is because of changes to the structure or changes to cell communication.

I think going over this with him may help him decide that until his brain has reached an adult developmental stage, it is not a good idea to use pot because it is not known how much pot needs to be smoked or ingested in order to have a long term effect and he can have that knowledge to help him reject the offers he may get, whether from parents or friends.

It's the same with alcohol use except that there have been more studies on developing brains and long term effects.

I think it sucks that you are losing friendships



http://www.physorg.com/news157280425.html

[Mackenzie]

Honestly, I would be beyond pissed if someone told their child my personal business. That puts delicate information in the hands of a child who may not know how treat that information with care. Your child tells another child who tells their parents.... Or your child may fall victim to the DARE teachings and "tell an adult or authority". Either of which could get children removed, felony drug charges (which screw.up.lives!). Like I said, I don't smoke currently but I may on occasion sometime in the future and I assure you I have never ever been in a position when I "don't think" as a PP said. Never endangered my children or anything of the like. I think you can have a discussion with your kids without putting other families in danger...

[nicky85]

No pot here! My husband is from the San Francisco Bay area though and went to fine arts school there for film. He said that at lunch break all the teachers and students would go outside and smoke their marijuana. It was definitely a little odd. We both think it should be legal from the perspective of allowing people to choose for themselves if they want to ingest it, but it's not a substance we want to use.

[philomom]

Originally Posted by Mackenzie

Honestly, I would be beyond pissed if someone told their child my personal business. That puts delicate information in the hands of a child who may not know how treat that information with care. Your child tells another child who tells their parents.... Or your child may fall victim to the DARE teachings and "tell an adult or authority". Either of which could get children removed, felony drug charges (which screw.up.lives!).

My hubby and I have no secrets from our children. Eventually, we all know everything about everything. Really. We talk at dinner, and lots of other times.

While DARE does have some issues.... making kids aware of the horror of drug abuse isn't one of them.

[lonegirl]

Originally Posted by Mackenzie

Honestly, I would be beyond pissed if someone told their child my personal business. That puts delicate information in the hands of a child who may not know how treat that information with care. Your child tells another child who tells their parents.... Or your child may fall victim to the DARE teachings and "tell an adult or authority". Either of which could get children removed, felony drug charges (which screw.up.lives!). Like I said, I don't smoke currently but I may on occasion sometime in the future and I assure you I have never ever been in a position when I "don't think" as a PP said. Never endangered my children or anything of the like. I think you can have a discussion with your kids without putting other families in danger...

But if they aren't lying and the information gets to the "authorities"....it isn't the child's fault. It is the fault of the person breaking the law and doing something wrong.
I also think being taught to go to another grownup if they see someone doing drugs/pushing drugs is a good thing (if it is being seen, not hearsay, and especially if offered to a minor) I would never turn in someone for smoking pot, but I have no problem with teaching my child to go to another trusted adult, especially if they are offered some....that is a big no in my books.
....I was 11 when DARE came into being....I remember the teachings and have no problem with it. I grew up hating the idea of smoking/drugs and drinking and driving (these were all pounded into my head as evil) and I am glad of it. I have never and will never smoke, have never been tempted to do drugs and am usually the dd.

I think marjhauna should be legalized and think that it is sad that people get jailed for these thing btw....that being said, until things change it is the law.

[Mackenzie]

Well, I suggest you tell your friends about your plans to advise your children of everything that goes on in their house so that we can decide that friendship with you is worth the risk (or not, as likely will be the case).... Wether I ever smoke again or not, I would really like to know what kind of friend you are going to be. Cause really. It's not fair to us...

[Bluegoat]

Originally Posted by Mackenzie

Well, I suggest you tell your friends about your plans to advise your children of everything that goes on in their house so that we can decide that friendship with you is worth the risk (or not, as likely will be the case).... Wether I ever smoke again or not, I would really like to know what kind of friend you are going to be. Cause really. It's not fair to us...

You know, i would not tell my kids, under normal circumstances, about people's parents smoking pot, and I wouldn't be going around turning them in or anything either.

OTOH - if a person is going to participate in an illegal activity, which it is, it seems to me that they need to really think about the consequences. It is entirely possible that an 11 year old could notice this kind of thing on his own and blab it inappropriately. If the risks of that are too great - losing your kids, or some jail time, or whatever - is it really sensible to do it at all? For what amounts to a bit of fun?

A friend of mine, at about that age, told me his mom grew pot in her bedroom. Looking back, she could, potentially, have lost her house, her job, and her kids - she was a single mom. Now that I have kids, I really can't see how that could have seemed sensible.

I just don't get the "not fair" thing. My dad thinks it's not fair that he has to separate his garbage. Well, he can register his opinion with his political representative - heck, he can run for office himself. But he still will not get garbage pick up if he doesn't do it correctly.

[Mackenzie]

Not all people who smoke pot are so overt about it. I am sure that there are people who you know that you would never have guessed. I think that there are a lot of things that people do that are either illegal or questionable that don't deserve to essentially obliterate someones world. I'm sorry, I just don't agree. And it's not always "just for a little fun", as in the example of my father I used earlier.

What is not fair is having the choice of who is entrusted with that knowledge taken away from the person that it affects. Let's use non illegal, or borderline, examples... Say you live in WV or MS and you don't vax and a "friend" you trusted with that information calls CPS or whomever and tells them, (or tells their child, for whatever reason)... and not only that but *gasp* you are still nursing your 5yo. Does that not have the potential to eff up your world?

Also, keep in mind that these are friends that you otherwise have enough trust in to allow your children to go over there. If they are potsmokers who are so irresponsible then don't allow your children to be around them. I don't want my kids around ANYone who is going to put them in danger, I'm not going to say, "ya know... jimmy's parents are not safe, but you can go over there... just make sure you don't touch the crackpipe and 9mm on the table". No, if I don't trust someone, my kids aren't going over there. Period. But if I think that they are good parents who happen to need to smoke a J in order to have lessened pain to be a good parent, or to have an appetite because chemo has otherwise obliterated it. Or who just enjoy it. It just does not make sense to me. If it is someone who you have no other concerns about other and they happen to toke up on occasion, why do you need to out them?

I think that if you don't have the ability to educate and "protect" your children without violating a friend, then you have greater problems afoot than the evil potsmokers

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Mackenzie

I would be beyond pissed if someone told their child my personal business. That puts delicate information in the hands of a child who may not know how treat that information with care.

I think that anyone doing anything ILLEGAL so openly that all their neighbors know is a bit of a fool.

If someone is habitually breaking the law and they don't want to be caught, they ought to be secretive.

I don't think I would name names to my child in this situation because I don't think that would be best for my child, but if I felt that being VERY frank about another adults "personal business" was in the best interest of my child, I'd be frank. My obligation is to my kids.

[Mackenzie]

No one is talking about all of the neighbors knowing. As I said in my last post, many are not overt about it. It is far more common than people think.

No one is saying don't protect your children. You absolutely should. What I am saying is that if you feel your children are threatened by someone smoking pot, and that is 100% your decision to make, then don't allow them around that adult. It's is irresponsible parenting to allow your children into a situation you are not comfortable with. Telling them who does does not make it better. And hell, it can be mistaken as well. A LOT of people that I am friends with and work with etc assume, for a lot of reasons, that I smoke. And I haven't for quite some time. What if they decided to tell their kids that I am a druggie and might offer them weed and whatever other ridiculous assumptions they are making?

[Smithie]

Another child of MJ users here, and they did it in front of me. I don't advocate for that, solely on account of kids should never ever ever be in the position of keeping secrets about the laws their family is breaking. My parents now agree with me on this issue. But if MJ were legalized tomorrow, I would not stop people from using it in front of my kids any more than I'd stop them from drinking (i.e., a little is OK, start doing it to excess and I'm taking my kids out of the situation).

Other than that, though, I have very few reservations about MJ, and would not stress about it other than to tell my kids that any nonparental adult offering them a substance they're not legally allowed to ingest is a person with HIDEOUS judgement who cannot be trusted. Personally, I think parents who do this are making a mistake as well, but nonparents offering drugs or alcohol to a minor are in a whole 'nother zone of stupid.

[Bluegoat]

Originally Posted by Mackenzie

No one is talking about all of the neighbors knowing. As I said in my last post, many are not overt about it. It is far more common than people think.

No one is saying don't protect your children. You absolutely should. What I am saying is that if you feel your children are threatened by someone smoking pot, and that is 100% your decision to make, then don't allow them around that adult. It's is irresponsible parenting to allow your children into a situation you are not comfortable with. Telling them who does does not make it better. And hell, it can be mistaken as well. A LOT of people that I am friends with and work with etc assume, for a lot of reasons, that I smoke. And I haven't for quite some time. What if they decided to tell their kids that I am a druggie and might offer them weed and whatever other ridiculous assumptions they are making?

I was really thinking of the scenario in the OP, where her social group seems to be pretty obvious about what is going on - that after all is a big part of what is bothering her. And even one's own kids are likely to be blabby about such things - my friends, who were middle class kids with good grades, loved to gossip about that stuff in the 12 to 15 year age range, and I think that is pretty common. A lot of kids share more with their friends than with their parents at that age.

On a more general note, I'm surprised no one has commented here on the links that have been drawn recently between mental health and MJ use, which are pretty sobering, especially with regard to young people.