Anyone else feel "on hold" while pregnant?

[Smokering]

When I first found out I was pregnant with DD, I remember feeling kind of frozen for a few days. Not in a bad way - she was "whatevered" and I was happy enough to be pregnant - but just sort of consumed by the knowledge that I had a baby growing inside me. I spent several days basically sitting nervously, waiting - for what, I don't know - and feeling cautious and preoccupied and "what now"ish.

I got over it eventually, more or less, and went back to cooking and working and so on.

This time I feel kind of the same way. The baby was planned, and I'm 7 weeks tomorrow. I've felt sort of off my game since - well, since I ovulated, actually, because I'm a control freak. But definitely since the BFP. Partly it's nausea and fatigue and all that jazz, which means I can't plan to do anything remotely major more than a few hours in advance. Often I start doing a project and then have to go lie down five minutes in, and that gets depressing after a while.

But it's also just a general feeling of being on hold. I don't feel inclined to sink my teeth into anything, "because I'm pregnant" - even though that has no practical relevance as to whether I write articles instead of surfing the internet, for instance. Plus I'm sort of panicking that I should be using this time productively. My nausea is temporarily not too bad, and DD's at a really easygoing stage. I'm way less busy than I was when she was little, and I'm SURE I'm way less busy than I will be when I have two! So I should be doing... unspecified stuff... while I can, but nothing seems to leap out at me. I'm in the middle of knitting a baby jacket, but I haven't picked it up for days... and I'm making an early maternity top, but I've been making it in dribs and drabs for weeks and it's still not done.

Anyone else in the same boat?

[Mommel]

Wow. I DEFINITELY feel like that.

This is my first and three days after we found out I started spotting and have been for the last few days now... I saw my doc and it seems to be "not a big deal", hasn't gotten worse and we're just waiting for hcg level comparisons to come back (thursday), so I feel completely on hold. I didn't work on Monday or go to school today because part of me is terrified (though I know that reasonably everything is probably fine), part of me feels exhausted and bloated and nauseous and gross, and a part of me just feels "on hold".

Honestly, I don't know if it will go away once I get the test results... because then I wait to hear a heartbeat, then see a visual on u/s, then, then, then... I feel like I've entered a weird sort of limbo that is especially reserved just for pregnant women.

Less than a week ago, I had all these plans... and now I know that some of them will have to be on the back burner, but I have no urge to even decide which those will be. My entire world has shifted and I have no idea which direction to move in, so I'm just sitting still (when in doubt, do nothing, right?). I bought some baby stuff the day after I found out, but I know better than to do much shopping at this point, so... now what?

~Raqui

[Smokering]

I hope the baby's OK, Mommel! That would add a whole 'nother level of stress. I don't think it was a factor with DD, because I blithely ignored the possibility of miscarriage. I've been much more aware of it this time, for some reason, even though I have no particular reason to think I'll miscarry... maybe it is contributing a bit, though. I had an early dating scan with DD, so I "knew" she was there quite early... this time I'll be waiting for the heartbeat, so it all seems bit more... amorphous? I dunno. And yeah, you're right - there are lots of funny milestone-dates for pregnant women. The heartbeat, the 18 or 20-week anatomy scan, viability at 22ish weeks, 37 weeks (where I live) before you're considered low-risk enough for a homebirth or birthing centre birth, 38 weeks for term, 40 weeks for the "official" EDD... and then, of course, 42 weeks before you get huge pressure to induce. It definitely seems like a sort of waiting game. I spent some of my time wishing it would all just happen so I could get on with life and have a new baby... and half wishing I could just ignore the pregnancy and be symptom-free for the next nine months so I could do all the stuff I won't be able to do with a newborn.

[Mommel]

Yeah, I'm just a tad stressed out, but my doc said it seemed like I just have a sensitive and inflamed cervix, so it should be okay. A part of me really suspects twins... either that or I'm seriously bloated for just over 5 weeks!! I'll try to keep you posted on the results. All the women in my family have a miscarriage free history, so I feel positive and am keeping my chin up (and my butt in bed). LOL

In any case, I thought I'd like being pregnant, but I'm not really digging it so far... I'm with you. Healthy baby now, please.

~Raqui

[heatherr30]

I'm totally with you. I have NO motivation to do anything while pregnant. And I'm just entering the 3rd trimester, which means I've already spent 6 months not feeling like doing anything. It seems the further along I get the less motivation I have. Maybe it's some kind of instinct to make sure I get enough rest and not overdo it. (during normal life I tend to take on too many things.)

OK actually I had a bit of a nesting instinct in the 2nd trimester but ignored it because it was really too early to buy baby stuff, ya know? I faintly recall feeling un-motivated during my last pregnancy, too. I also didn't really bond with the baby till after she was born--not that I didn't want the baby, I just find it really hard to get to know someone I can't see or interact with. During pregnancy I find the whole baby idea really abstract. I HATE being pregnant, it is like my body has been taken over. The feeling totally ended after DD was born--I loved holding a little newborn and we bonded easily.

[coyotemist]

For 2 weeks after finding out I was pregnant with my last babe (it's been almost 2 years since he was born, WHAAAA!) I was in that limbo land. Sort of dreamy and stuck and out of touch.

Slowly real life comes back. But wow, that is a strange place to be.

[Tresa]

I've gone back and forth this and my previous pregnancies. I initially feel on hold, and then I feel physically drained, sick, awful for a few weeks, then during the second tri when I get my energy back, I feel almost panicked to catch up and get ahead and get stuff done because I anticipate being tired again during the third tri, and then for the first six months at LEAST of baby's life, I'm boxed in, nursing all the time, playing catch-up with an infant to care for.

So...yes, and no.

[Ellen Griswold]

I can certainly relate. This is baby #3 for me and each time I immediately feel like my creativity and concentration are gone. I have no desire to do.....well, much of anything. I'm an aspiring author, so I love love love to read and write. But while pregnant, I could really care less. Working on my novel is like pulling teeth while pregnant, but when I'm not pregnant, it's sometimes all I can focus on and I'm capable of living in my own little world. I'm not sure if it's a fear of miscarriage or my subconcious telling me that I need to focus on the baby, but it's actually quite annoying! I WANT to do those things, but - for whatever reason - I can't.

[asobakabosa]

oh mamas, i am with you ^)
19weeks and 3 days and nothing is going on. Laying down in the bed day to day, week to week, this is driving me crazy and i can't fight this !
first days of pregnancy I was dreaming about developing some skills, you know, playing piano, doing some math , drawing pictures to make my babe smart! .. fuuuuhhhhh! i can't start!
sometimes i wake up around 2pm!! ohh my Lord, where is my power? i used to be sooo fast and so energetic , nothing left.
tell me that after baby born it is gonna be different! i hate myself

[Smokering]

Well, I'm glad it's not just me.

After DD was born I actually did develop a new skill set - I learned to write for the web (on account of sitting nursing for 18 hours a day... I figured I might as well do something productive while I sat). So I was kind of hoping to develop another new skill set during this pregnancy, and then another one again after the baby's born. The idea being that I grew as a person as well as a mother, and didn't lose myself with every subsequent child - you know?

Well, I still think it's a good idea in theory. I'm learning to knit cables, but I'm not sure that really counts as a super-duper skill. Still, if I can master hardish knitting by the end of the pregnancy - knitting in the round, lace edging, picking up stitches - you know, not rocket surgery, but stuff I can't do now - I'll probably say that counts as my pregnancy skill. Not sure what I'll do after that. (Oh, and I am learning to drive, which is definitely a long-overdue and much-needed skill, but I started learning before I got pregnant so I'm afraid it doesn't count.)

TBH, I suspect a lot of my lethargy is just finding a semi-decent excuse for my natural state of underachieving and laziness. I mean, I do genuinely have crippling fatigue at the moment and regular nausea, but I have plenty of moments where I feel OK too, and I'm not exactly spending those saving the whales or weeding the garden. It's all a bit depressing, really...

[rati keli]

another writer

looks like there's a few of us writers on here

yea i know what you mean. i also consider myself an academic, writer, reader, project developer etc... I work(ed) very very hard even on things I wasn't paid to do.... but this is all before pregnancy. i'm due in just a few days and i have not done anything "productive" in the last 38 weeks. that's no joke.

i think some people think we mean "oh i haven't been keeping up with the house or working out. yada yada yada" but that's not what i'm talking about at all. i function on a day to day basis looking nice, taking care of the house, preparing for baby etc.... what i can't seem to figure out is why the heck, after 38 weeks of not having to work, i've wasted all my free time and not pursued any of my personal interests. while working i made time for them and always thought "i wish i had more time" but now i've had all the time in the world and i am 100% unmotivated to do the things i love the most.

i don't think it's jut an excuse. i think i'm distracted, weak, emotional, tired...etc... and my work is very demanding and requires me to be "on fire" so there ya have it... personally i just think being pregnant is not compatible with being an academic.

[WonderfulStuff]

Yes! I thought it was just me - we just moved to a new area, so I thought it was the change of scenery. I've always been a self-driven creative person, but little things - chores, even knitting and spinning - just seem less important since I've become pregnant. Just emerging from the 1st trimester now, so maybe being less tired will help.

But it's good to know I'm not the only one.

[Knittin Mama]

Holy buckets, can I just say Christmas Knitting? Did you know there's only 53 days left, and thats not nearly enough time to get it all done!!! aaaahhhh! I've not knit a stitch since I found out, which is odd as fish for me. Looking forward to a day off from work, and maybe a few stitches.

[buckeye_mama]

I definitely feel like I'm on "hold" right now! I've only know for just shy of 2 weeks, but I have another 4 until my dating ultrasound...I feel like I'm in the limbo of being pregnant, but not really knowing if it will stick - that there's ACTUALLY a little bean in there...it's like I'm in perpetual waiting mode until I can visually confirm that there is a heartbeat and everything looks ok...until then, my life has altered, but I'm stuck in the waiting game...pure torture!

[rockycrop]

Yes, I totally know what you all mean.

I'm taking a once a week business class for artists. Every week we get together and talk about what we've accomplished the previous week. For a while I was upset/almost depressed that I wasn't getting enough done. Then finally one week I came to the conclusion that I should just enjoy where I am (possibly pregnant for the last time) and not stress about what I'm not doing. Everyone in my group was like "Yeah! You are creating! Relax!". And now I don't feel pressure to do anything besides just grow someone. If something gets done, it's because I want to do it.

[Tumble Bumbles]

Smokering I think we're in the same DDC...June right?

I completely know how you're feeling, thanks for putting it into words. I've been trying to explain to my husband how I felt and it wasn't communicating right.

[Smokering]

Yep, June.

I'm feeling *slightly* more like myself now... *slightly*. Partly because I've been forced to be semi-productive for a few days now - I had deadlines. I really, absolutely, no-excuses $40-bond-at-stake HAD to bake my sister's wedding cake over the weekend (one huge fruit cake and two carrot cakes)... and I had to do a bit of editing and writing before a certain date... and things like that. And then I had to do a bunch of cooking for a barbecue. Never has making fudge felt like such a Herculean accomplishment.

But also, my tiredness has lessened. A bit (she says, wanting to go lie down). And I haven't had any significant nausea for a few days now! I can actually fudge my strict protein-every-hour-on-the-hour routine for a few hours without disaster. Yay.

That said, while I find I CAN do things if I have to, I really don't want to. So I'll be living in a permanent state of stress until mid-November. My sister's wedding is a week and a half away and I still have to bake one more cake, ice it in a complicated steampunk design, make DD's flower girl dress (without a pattern), make MY dress (without a pattern), bake cookies and meringues for the reception, write an article on child-led weaning, attend the kitchen tea, attend a birthday party for a one-year-old that I really don't want to go for... oh, and buy a present for that too, I suppose, which we can ill afford. Darn. And write my weekly articles online, and stuff. Echh.

[guest123456]

I feel the same in a few ways but mostly it's physically; I'm usually super active and into adventure/extreme sports. For the past 7 months, I've been relegated to... walking. And riding a bike just on the street... and not paragliding or climbing... it's a different kind of "on hold" but still takes some getting used to. I'm actually liking the airy, between two worlds feeling : ) and actually getting a break from always being on the go is nice most of the time too. The couch and I have become great friends : )