Grad school phobia?

[Witch's Titee]

I'm really starting to see the light at the end of the undergrad tunnel...I've been working at this degree, off and on, for over a decade.

So, I've got a decent GPA and fantasize teaching university one day. When I read over the entrance requirements, I can meet them, at least theoretically(still have quite a bit of coursework left, and don't know much about the GRE). What gives that I have some hang up that grad school is somehow too good for me? I'm the first in my line to get a BA, which doesn't feel weird, but maybe I've got some sort of psychic tether that keeps me from feeling I can transcend *too much*? Fear that I'll get all uppity and not be able to relate to folks outside my field(I assume everyone knows 'that kind')?

My youngest will be nearly nine when I finish my undergrad. The oldest is pretty self-sustaining, the 'baby' is high-maintenance and probably needs therapy and/or is a little bit spectrum-y, I hardly feel I can get anything done when he's around.

I'm not sure how much my issue is some personal mess to be sorted out in therapy(inferiority), and how much of it is very reasonable and appropriate...Who the hell wants to parent two kids (we live with their daddy, but I'm the default caregiver and do many days solo while he's away at his poverty-wage job) and go to grad school at the same time? Grad school will be there when they are grown, right?

Did you experience significant ambivalence about grad school? What did you 'end up' doing? Are you satisfied with your path?

[lolar2]

What would you be studying in grad school? The job market for the humanities is very bad right now. Are you sure it isn't the opposite-- that grad school isn't too good for you, but rather it isn't good enough because you need/ want a good stable job with a good stable income? Sometimes it seems to me that people I know feel like they are "inferior" to something when in reality the problem is that it is inferior to them, or else just a bad fit for them at that time in general. Just a thought.

[la mamita]

I think it depends on what kind of grad program you are going into (professional vs academic, career prospects post-graduation, the type of work you will be doing in it--projects, research papers, internships, whether you can afford child care, whether your program will be funded).

Yes, grad school will be there whenever you are ready for it. But, I think some sense of dread in entering grad school is normal, and ESPECIALLY if you are the first in your family to go through higher education/get a post-graduate degree. People won't necessarily be able to get the things you are thinking about, your family might not be able to relate, and shoot, grad school or any schooling in general changes YOU, your mindset, your priorities. Many of the women of color I studied with struggled a lot with this issue--getting a graduate degree made them so different from the rest of their community and they often felt on the outside of both worlds. I think definitely therapy helps a lot, also getting together with students of a similar background (be that racial/ethnic, older students, student parents, low income, etc...) so you can share gripes during grad school is key. I know I was really apprehensive about grad school, it gets discussed like it was some kind of torture experience sometimes...and I was graduating with a 4.0 from a high ranked university! No stranger to hard work! For me, grad school wasn't much different from undergrad. I did a pre-professional program (social work), and yeah, the papers were longer and the material was more in-depth and the reading was a little more than undergrad, but it seemed like a natural change. I also found grad school much more fulfilling because you get so much more freedom in selecting courses, in designing your own projects, and professors give you more respect/attention.

Is there any way you could take some grad-level courses while in undergrad to see what you think?

[pregnant@40]

Everyone is insecure on some level, it's just part of the human condition. Acknowledge it & proceed anyhow (go through the motions, it will become who you are). Grad school is more about practicality to me than undergrad. It's not a case of experiencing transcendence, but rather of potentially making yourself more marketable for the workplace (depending on the degree, of course). If you want to teach university, then go for it! Just choose your Doctorate or Master's degree carefully. You want the most bang for your buck. There are a lot of unemployed people w/ impractical graduate degrees.

And beyond practicality, grad school can also (potentially) lead to greater career fulfillment. However, once again you need a clear understanding of how to get to your end goal. Talk to others who have the job you want, or w/ your advisor.

And yeah, grad school will always be there. That's why I think it's important to work for a while w/in your chosen field first (in any available position), for at least 1-2 years. Work provides, 1) time to think about career plans more objectively (away from the academic setting), 2) an opportunity to use the hard-earned undergrad degree at least once in the "real world", 3) introductions to potentially valuable contacts, both for grad school letters & other (perhaps currently unknown) career opportunities that may refine your own plans, and, 4) a breather from school & allows focus on family and earning a wage for a bit of time (money!). Also, you can prepare for and take the GRE in the next year or so.

[Mosaic]

Originally Posted by Witch's Titee

Did you experience significant ambivalence about grad school? What did you 'end up' doing? Are you satisfied with your path?

I was set on going to grad school and, ultimately, loved it. But yes, there came a point in that grad school experience when I really, truly consider quitting, even though I'd never quit anything. Grad school didn't make me "uppity"... in fact, I swung the opposite way because everybody there seemed so much smarter than I was! It was grueling, but I'm working in my field, using what I learned in school, working alongside people who make more than I do, without the degree. I am satisfied with my path overall, but if I could go back and do it again, I would have gotten more work experience in my field before going to grad school so that I could really get the most out of the program.

[cakemama579]

First of all, hugs to you.

I'm not in grad school, however I am in a nursing program after already having a BA. So, while technically it is an associates degree, I like to think of it as a sort of quazi-grad school. I can tell you, before I started the program, not only was I ambivalent about it, I had severe anxiety about it, and doubted myself like I never have before!

I can only tell you that now, 9 weeks into the program, I still have days where I feel like a complete failure, and that I'm in over my head, but those days are slowly being overtaken by more positive days. (like today-- I passed my competency exams and am eligible to go to clinicals next week! woohoo!)

And I think you will only become uppity if you allow yourself to. I know plenty of PhD'ers that are completely down to earth, and you'd never know that they are secretly geniouses!!

First thing's first, finish this bachelor's degree. Then assess whether grad school is worth it to you in your fam. Who knows? you might be so relieved to finally be done that you might want to take some time before plunging into a grad program. Good luck!

Either way, you are definitely good enough and smart enough!

[Magistra]

I'm doing grad school with a kid on the spectrum (high-functioning Asperger's). We didn't know when I started--he was 2 and we knew he was a little different, but hadn't begun the journey yet. I ended up taking some leave at one point already and am on maternity leave now for his little brother. It's not easy and, if I'm honest, I probably wouldn't have gone back to school if we'd known about the Asperger's ahead of time.

For the sake of a reference point, I'm in the Humanities, so grad school may or may not lead to a university teaching position down the line. In the meantime, I've also gotten my teaching license in our current state and am doing a job I love via that.

[Witch's Titee]

Thank you all for these thoughtful, helpful insights. Thank you for your precious time!

It is true that I'm totally, completely worthy of grad school. Plenty of my undergrad classes feel too intellectually simple...contrast that with still needing to put in time/effort, and I am really seeing why I've felt a little 'off' with school.

Of course it makes sense that grad school will just be a natural extension of undergrad work...and since I'm not a little bored here, but still not working up to my potential...well, I'm really seeing that yes, I'm totally qualified, and yes, it will be there when I want it. Right now just knowing that grad school is 'waiting' on me, gives me the kick in the pants to not blow off some of this holdover undergrad work. I was taking senior coursework as a freshman, so it only follows that I have to pay the piper and take some freshman work as a senior...and I just have to lump it and act right and regurgitate where it's asked for. Blah.

Thank you all!