I would add that I hear alot of guilt over big feelings.
Often a huge temper is a sign that you are trying to hard to control those big feelings, rather than expressing them appropriately.
When I was first switching to gentle parenting I would have these moments of just mind-blowing fury. I was trying so hard to do things "right" and always be sweet and lovey...it isn't natural.
The kids would just keep pushing and I would EXPLODE. I started trying to at least make my meltdowns less scary, and would yell things like" I'M SO MAD THAT THE TOYS ARE EVERYWHERE!" or whatever.
I always felt awful after for losing my temper. Then one day my dd had a meltdown, and instead of the usual throwing and hitting and nasty words, she stood in place and yelled "I'M SO MAD YOU WON'T LET ME XYZ!" It was the most mature expression of anger and frustration I had ever heard from a 5 yr old. And I realized that it is important for our kids to see our anger and frustration, appropriately expressed, so they can learn to express theirs!
I'm so glad to see this thread, b/c I really needed to see that I'm not the only one with anger like this. I just want to stop expressing it the way I've been taught (yelling, etc.). I remember when I was growing up, I'd see other families and my friends in college express their anger with silence, or calm, and I couldn't understand it. I never trusted anyone who could just say to me in a neutral tone, "I'm so angry about xyz. I'm very upset." Um, really? B/c you sound like you're talking about the weather.... It seemed disingenuous. But now I get it. You don't have to yell to be angry. (And I was raised that not only do you yell when angry, you don't have to be angry to yell, either!)