Hmm...is there a marriage/partnership thread?

[mooshersmama]

Just curious, I haven't seen one. I'm looking to rekindle the spark in my marriage and was hoping for others thoughts and suggestions!

[PoetryLover]

Check out the Parents as Partners forum:

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...splay.php?f=41

[mooshersmama]

Ah, looks like I don't have access to that one yet (I'm new). I probably need to be an active member for a while longer. Thanks!!

[PoetryLover]

I'm sorry, I had no clue. You can probably post here and we can give you ideas. I'll think on it.

[katelove]

I think you only need 50 posts and to have been a member for a month (or maybe two?) so you're pretty close

[mooshersmama]

Originally Posted by katelove

I think you only need 50 posts and to have been a member for a month (or maybe two?) so you're pretty close

Oh excellent!! I can wait then...my issues aren't urgent.

[rhiOrion]

I think you only need four more posts!

Tell us about yourself!

[mooshersmama]

Lol!! Well, I'm a capricorn...hmm... Seriously, I'm a married WOHM to a three-year old daughter, and I'm just concerned that things are a little too routine. We're so focused on Ellie a lot of the time, and we're pretty tired at the end of the day...I'm looking to get some romance and excitement back!

[Linda on the move]

Dating.

Seriously. Start doing fun things together. A therapist I know refers to this as "recreating" and feels that it is the most important factor for happiness in marriage. My Dh and I are going to go to a driving range this weekend (I've never been before) and I'm pretty excited about it.

I'm trying to talk him into ballroom dancing lessons, but he doesn't think that sounds like fun.

[PoetryLover]

Woo-hoo! You're at 50 posts!

This is something I'm working on, as well. DH and I have only been married for 2 years, but we have an 8 month old son and have yet to go out without son. We planned to, but just had $700+ car troubles this morning and need to put off our anniversary dinner. I know we'll do it later, though. Sometimes we have a little alone time if DS falls asleep early. But DSD is moving in with us full time in a month (please don't think I'm complaining, as I'm very excited about her coming to live with us) and I know that we'll have to try that much harder to spend quality alone time together.

Honestly, though, it can be as simple as going to bed early one night and reading aloud together or snuggling up to a good movie. Maybe it's an hour break for coffee. I do believe in a weekly (or regular) date night. DH and I haven't made this happen yet, but I'm increasingly feeling the need for it.

Good luck! I hope you get lots of interesting/helpful responses!

[mooshersmama]

Thanks, mamas! I think it'll take a day or so before I'm able to see that other thread.

And, thanks for the tips. We are lucky that my sister lives nearby and loves to hang out with Eliana...we just don't make plans to make that happen often enough. I think I'm going to make a goal of doing a weekly date.

The other day we gave Ellie an early dinner and we ate after she went to bed and...it was nice! We were able to sit, chat, and not feel rushed. Maybe even doing that more often will help.

[PoetryLover]

Originally Posted by mooshersmama

Thanks, mamas! I think it'll take a day or so before I'm able to see that other thread.

And, thanks for the tips. We are lucky that my sister lives nearby and loves to hang out with Eliana...we just don't make plans to make that happen often enough. I think I'm going to make a goal of doing a weekly date.

The other day we gave Ellie an early dinner and we ate after she went to bed and...it was nice! We were able to sit, chat, and not feel rushed. Maybe even doing that more often will help.

I think that will definitely help. I know that going out without the kids is going to be a rarity for us for a while, but any focused time alone as a couple is awesome (and I believe, essential).

[rhianna813]

Yes, any time alone together is helpful and date nights are key. Flirting again is also good :-) It's so easy to fall into seeing each other as Mom or Dad. I know we actually call each other that now LOL So flirting brings you back to couplehood and can help that spark reignite.

Also if you like watching movies together, consider something with a hot couple or spicy theme. Like Mr and Mrs Smith, Thomas Crown Affair, Dangrous Liaisons, Secretary, Eyes Wide Shut, Like Water for Chocolate. Not porn but something more than just a romantic comedy.

Rhianna

[merryns.mom]

i feel your struggle; we have a two year old, and i want some excitement, not just dirty clothes and tantrums.

but, just my personal experience , in the parent as partners thread, i just get super depressed. i've thought about posting some of my problems/concerns/issues there before, but don't because it seems as much of the advice i see is to just leave. well, for me that's not really an answer or a good suggestion. (similar to the nighttime parenting thread where i always read negative posts, but not many positive ones)

i know marriage is super hard work, i'd just like some help and support, you know.

good luck mama, i've also found flirting is good, talking about your love life pre-baby, and just enjoying really small simple things like walks. every once in a while my dh and i will take a shower together--super fun and it saves water

[mooshersmama]

Originally Posted by merryns.mom

i feel your struggle; we have a two year old, and i want some excitement, not just dirty clothes and tantrums.

but, just my personal experience , in the parent as partners thread, i just get super depressed. i've thought about posting some of my problems/concerns/issues there before, but don't because it seems as much of the advice i see is to just leave. well, for me that's not really an answer or a good suggestion. (similar to the nighttime parenting thread where i always read negative posts, but not many positive ones)

i know marriage is super hard work, i'd just like some help and support, you know.

good luck mama, i've also found flirting is good, talking about your love life pre-baby, and just enjoying really small simple things like walks. every once in a while my dh and i will take a shower together--super fun and it saves water

Thanks for all the suggestions!! I did just pop over to parents as partners and it's pretty intense. I think, at this point, we know what we need to do, and just need to focus on making it happen.

[Caneel]

Originally Posted by mooshersmama

Lol!! Well, I'm a capricorn...hmm... Seriously, I'm a married WOHM to a three-year old daughter, and I'm just concerned that things are a little too routine. We're so focused on Ellie a lot of the time, and we're pretty tired at the end of the day...I'm looking to get some romance and excitement back!

Just chiming in to say hi!

I know how you feel. I feel stuck in a rut right now too and am in the need of a little excitement. DS is staying at my mom's this weekend and we have some non-kiddie activities planned, one being dinner at our house with dear friends who are childless (by choice) so the conversation will be all adult. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to that!

Yesterday DH said to me out of the blue "I saw someone reading a book at the coffee shop today that I thought you might like so I asked about it....." and I was blown away by that. It was a delight that he thought about my love of reading and took the time to write down the title. Just saying, the little things go so far sometimes.

Maybe we should start a positive chain of relationship picker-upper/spark ideas?

[mooshersmama]

Caneel, I love that idea!! Where should we start that thread? I'd love to hear others positive stories...

[PoetryLover]

I love this idea, too! I'll definitely be part of such a thread!

[Caneel]

I don't know where it should go. I guess it depends on from who's perspective it originates.

In a way, it think it could be personal growth. Because of his actions yesterday, I am motivated to think about how I can incorporate a special act into our everyday life.

PAPs can get a little intense, which I understand as a lot of people go there with really serious problems that get (rightly so as those posters need it the most) the lion's share of the attention. But maybe a positive thread along the lines of "here is what I am doing to build up the partnership today...." would be a refreshing addition.

Thoughts?

[Linda on the move]

I like it!

I also think that a gratitude thread stating something NICE about our partners would be lovely every now and think.