childcare using timeouts??advice please!

[fireweed]

We've been looking for one day a week childcare for our 2.5 yr old DD, and we found a dayhome that meets all of our requirements(well, except for all the plasticrap toys), except for the mom's use of time outs as a discipline tool. I don't have any experience with the childcare industry, but is it fair of me to request that she not use time outs with my daughter? I would give her an alternate method(preferably redirection, possibly time 'in' if she really feels the need to provide 'discipline'). Are time outs commonly used in childcare settings, by people with early childcare education??

[mooshersmama]

I would definitely talk to them about it. Find out what they mean by time out, too. At DD's preschool, they will have a child sit on a bench with a teacher until they've calmed down, and then they'll talk about it. I don't really consider that a time out.

[fireweed]

She turns on a timer- one minute for each year of age- and has them stand in the hallway adjacent to the toy room. No, she doesn't stand with them.

[EarthMamaToBe]

It is really not fair to the provider/other kids to have a different form of discipline for just your child.

[oaktreemama]

Since it is only one Mom, she probably CAN'T necessarily promise to sit with just your child for a time in.

This was a surprising thing for me about daycare. I choose a public daycare for many reasons and discipline actually never entered into the equation. But, it has worked out really well in that my son's daycare uses time ins because they have the staff to do so.

That said, using other people for childcare does mean that they are going to do things you don't do out of necessity or different beliefs. I think part of picking the right daycare (and possibly the hardest part!!) is finding the one whose differences you can tolerate.

[Marissamom]

next question would be what deserves a time out? is it every little thing? or is it reserved for hitting and biting? my mom had an in-home daycare, and we did use time outs when one kid was hurting another, so it really only got used when a kid was going through a hitting or biting stage, and was a way of separating the kids involved until they calmed down. That said, our time outs were in a corner of the room, and we didn't set a timer, just waited until the child had calmed down enough to go back to playing.

If you really aren't comfortable with her discipline style, then look for someone else. You should be comfortable with the person helping raise your kid.

[Evergreen]

I would just ask about the policy. Chances are that she mainly uses redirection. I remember when my child was that age I was pretty anti punishment including time outs but when I went to put her in daycare I understood that it's a lot different having 5+ preschool aged children who are dealing with their own issues than it is to have just your own children. As easy as it is to say that you don't want time outs used sometimes in a childcare setting there just aren't other viable options once redirecting isn't working.

[fireweed]

Thanks for the different viewpoints! I think we're going to go with her, but provide her with a journal that she can enter info about any time outs she used(as well as food eaten, and nap info).

[KCMichigan]

Originally Posted by mooshersmama

I would definitely talk to them about it. Find out what they mean by time out, too. At DD's preschool, they will have a child sit on a bench with a teacher until they've calmed down, and then they'll talk about it. I don't really consider that a time out.

I work in a preschool and this is what we do IF redirection does not work.

Sometimes a child just needs a 'moment' to get unstuck in a behavior or they also need to know that x behavior is not acceptable. Depending on the child we do a teacher sit next to time out or a student sit in an observable location.

Usually timeouts are for infractions that are a safety concern (pushing, hitting, biting, running inside, aggressive behavior, LOUD yelling/screams, blatant defiance)---otherwise we try modeling and redirection.

It is not done in a negative way, rather as a moment to regroup and discuss the problem (depending on the age of child). Then we will usually model the behavior as well (a child pushes in line...we pretend we are a line and role play what to do. Or we practice talking in an indoor voice, etc).


Often in a setting that is not one on one where you have more leeway- timeouts are an effective way to discipline/redirect young children.

[Drummer's Wife]

Well, I'm not the biggest fan of time-outs, myself (though, we have definitely resorted to them with four wild children), but I think it depends on the frequency and why they are used. Also the caregiver's attitude - is it for punishment, like what comes to mind when someone yells, "go stand with your nose in the corner!!" type of thing, or is it more gentle like, "you may sit down here on this bench until you are ready to join the group and act appropriately" -- well, in different wording, but ykwim.

My 3.5 yo is in a Montessori program that I really like - but they do use a time-out spot, of sorts. Why... I can't think of what they call the chair now, but it's more of a space when other approaches, like re-direction, aren't working, and the child needs to take a break and calm down before he/she continues to interact with the children or the environment as they were. It's fine with me if my DS is put there, and he has been, b/c he has been aggressive with other children and materials in the classroom. He doesn't like sitting and simply observing what all his friends get to be doing, so after a minutes of "time-out" he's ready to join the group again and treat others respectfully. If a kid is in time-out on a daily basis, at home or in daycare/school, I'd probably figure it wasn't a very effective tool, otherwise they wouldn't keep ending up there... but I suppose it depends on the kid.

[nextcommercial]

Originally Posted by Marissamom

next question would be what deserves a time out? is it every little thing? or is it reserved for hitting and biting? .

That would be my question too. I almost never use time out. But, I will when it's the last resort. I use it maybe five times a year... and that's with six kids. So, it's rare, but I'll do it. The parents don't get to choose that.

Usually if they are throwing toys, they have to leave that area and play somewhere else. Today, one child continued to crash into the other kids on bikes, so we all came inside to play in here instead. If one is being rowdy at nap time, they get moved to a new nap location away from their friends. (placement of nap mats is a HUGE deal here)

I would listen to a parent who said they weren't comfortable with me using time out. But, if that same child was unmanageable, and I had no other resources, I'd probably tell the parent that something else needs to be done. If it's not working for us, I'll try something else.

[Shannie77]

Originally Posted by Marissamom

next question would be what deserves a time out? is it every little thing? or is it reserved for hitting and biting? my mom had an in-home daycare, and we did use time outs when one kid was hurting another, so it really only got used when a kid was going through a hitting or biting stage, and was a way of separating the kids involved until they calmed down. That said, our time outs were in a corner of the room, and we didn't set a timer, just waited until the child had calmed down enough to go back to playing.

If you really aren't comfortable with her discipline style, then look for someone else. You should be comfortable with the person helping raise your kid.

I had my dd in a home daycare once a week last year and this is how our dcp used timeout. I was ok with that and dd only had one timeout the whole year.