I would like to get this off my chest because it's been bugging me lately and I could use some insight or at least some sympathy. I'm currently 21 weeks along with my second and my life lately has been really intense. The father of this child is no longer in my life and it doesn't look like he's going to be in our child's life much, either. I recently moved several states away to live with my parents and be near extended family. I got a divorce last year that was very hard on me and I've realized that trying to care for my son on my own is just too difficult. If putting him in daycare or school all day didn't bother me then I would just do that, but I can't bring myself to do that. So making money has been a challenge. Thus, I'm living under my parent's roof again which has been difficult in different ways...being triggered emotionally, namely. It's not super stressful but the thought of being here long-term doesn't feel right, so this is making me a bit anxious.
All of that plus I've been suspecting twins for quite some time now. What with the morning sickness starting early and lasting much longer than it did with my son, extreme exhaustion during the first trimester and part of the second, and now I'm showing a lot more at this point than I did with my son (twice as big actually and I started out at about the same size, maybe 5 pounds more at the most). However, only one heartbeat has been detected (although she didn't search around for another one...I haven't mentioned the twin suspicion yet) and at 18 weeks (my last prenatal) I was measuring right on target for a singleton. The kicking has been unreal, there's been so much, all day long and all over my uterus. I finally got an ultrasound last week and it showed only one baby. You'd think I would let go of the possibility of twins, but I haven't fully. I've mostly let go but not completely. A part of me is still obsessing over the possibility, searching on google for stories about women who had twins but their ultrasound(s) had only showed one baby. Stories about the second baby hiding behind the first, for example. I know this is far-fetched, the odds of this are extremely slim, but there's this strange need to keep thinking about this. On top of that, I keep seeing twins out in public and on TV. I don't even watch much TV, hardly any, so that makes it even more bizarre. The only places I typically go in public these days are parks and grocery stores, so that also seems odd to me. I don't know, it's like the "world" won't let me stop thinking about this
Maybe I'm just noticing twins more because of the obsession? Maybe they've been there this much all along but it hasn't been since this obsession started that I really started noticing them? That's definitely a possibility. I hate obsessing over things, it bothers me that it feels like I don't have control over what I'm doing or thinking...and it also seems to be a coping mechanism (given all the emotional chaos and change lately). Any tips on how to let this go or see it for what it is?
All of that plus I've been suspecting twins for quite some time now. What with the morning sickness starting early and lasting much longer than it did with my son, extreme exhaustion during the first trimester and part of the second, and now I'm showing a lot more at this point than I did with my son (twice as big actually and I started out at about the same size, maybe 5 pounds more at the most). However, only one heartbeat has been detected (although she didn't search around for another one...I haven't mentioned the twin suspicion yet) and at 18 weeks (my last prenatal) I was measuring right on target for a singleton. The kicking has been unreal, there's been so much, all day long and all over my uterus. I finally got an ultrasound last week and it showed only one baby. You'd think I would let go of the possibility of twins, but I haven't fully. I've mostly let go but not completely. A part of me is still obsessing over the possibility, searching on google for stories about women who had twins but their ultrasound(s) had only showed one baby. Stories about the second baby hiding behind the first, for example. I know this is far-fetched, the odds of this are extremely slim, but there's this strange need to keep thinking about this. On top of that, I keep seeing twins out in public and on TV. I don't even watch much TV, hardly any, so that makes it even more bizarre. The only places I typically go in public these days are parks and grocery stores, so that also seems odd to me. I don't know, it's like the "world" won't let me stop thinking about this
Maybe I'm just noticing twins more because of the obsession? Maybe they've been there this much all along but it hasn't been since this obsession started that I really started noticing them? That's definitely a possibility. I hate obsessing over things, it bothers me that it feels like I don't have control over what I'm doing or thinking...and it also seems to be a coping mechanism (given all the emotional chaos and change lately). Any tips on how to let this go or see it for what it is?
