What to Do With Co-Sleeping Toddler During Homebirth

[OurLittleNest]

I'm really struggling with what to do with my two-year-old when I give birth this December. I am having a homebirth and don't think she will sleep through it during the nighttime. My parents are willing to watch her but not willing to cosleep. That might be okay if my mom would lay down with her to put her to sleep and again if she wakes up in the middle of the night but ... I don't know if that will go down. (My mom has a long history of undermining my parenting choices if she disagrees with them.) We have no other family or friends in the area. I wish she could sleep through the birth but she usually doesn't sleep through the night normally, much less with a birth going on/people in the house etc.

This whole problem makes me wonder what other co-sleeping parents do when their child needs to spend the night somewhere else. How do you handle that? Do you have friends/family who cosleep with your LO? Do your friends/family act attentively throughout the night (consoling them back to sleep if they wake up etc.)?

(There is hope. If I give birth in the short window of time that my sister is visiting from out of state, she would take care of my daughter at night. And even more important, I trust that she would take care of her in a way that I would want, as opposed to my mom who I don't trust very much in this area.)

[clevelandmama]

My oldest daughter was 2yrs3mo when I had my 2nd homebirth and I was also concerned as to what she would do during the birth. I went into labor in the middle of the night and was able to lay down with her to get her back to sleep after her usual early morning waking, then my husband slept with her while I labored on my own (my choice...it was early enough that I was fine bouncing on the birth ball, taking a shower and sitting on the toilet). My MIL showed up right as DD woke up for the morning - perfect timing.

My first thought is, could you get a doula? A doula could either be with you while your DH is with your daughter, or she could be with your daughter if you needed your DH. You could have her come by the house more frequently before the birth so you DD is familiar with her.

I've never left my DD with anyone at night, so it was never an option to have her go somewhere else for the birth. I just figured we'd work her in as needed and hoped that most of the birth would be during the day. Ended up being a 4 hour labor, but even if it had gone longer I feel secure that she would've been happy with our doula and/or MIL.

Good luck!

[sammymama]

I agree with the PP on a doula... do you ever use a baby sitter for any period of time? If there was one other person that your dd knew ahead of time, maybe you could have them "on call" for your birth? And not to be frank about it, but if it is someone you are paying (and obviously someone you deem trustworthy, whom your child is comfortable with!), they would have to honor your wishes (and you would have no emotional baggage, so to speak, around it, like you may if you are worrying about your mom). It might be a bit of an expense, but since you don't have many folks close by, maybe worth it? Could be someone you could have take your toddler to the park, play with, etc, even just for a few hours after your new babe arrives? Good luck!

[peainthepod]

I would do whatever it takes to keep your mom from taking your DD while you have your baby. My concern is that the anxiety you'd feel while she was gone and being supervised by a person who doesn't respect your parenting wishes could really impact your labor. This is why we're keeping 2yo DS (who also co-sleeps with us) home but under the care of my MIL. I love my MIL, and she's fantastic with DS, but I know I would be terribly anxious about him if she took him anywhere. It's not that I don't trust her; it's that DS has never spent a night away from us and I would be a nervous wreck not knowing if he was crying for me or scared or whatever.

If you can swing it financially, paying a familiar babysitter or hiring a good birth doula would be a really good idea. You need to feel relaxed, secure, and as comfortable as possible during your birth.

[Adaline'sMama]

I agree with PP about getting a doula. Also, have you thought about having you mother or sister come and watch her at your house instead of sending her to another place? She may well sleep through part of it, only to wake up really early in the am, like 5-6am and then your mom could just take her out for an early breakfast or something. There is no telling what time of day youll be in hard labor. If your kid sleeps from 8am-8pm (guessing...) then thats still only a 50% chance that you would be waking your kid up during that time.

You could also try posting in your tribe to see if anyone would be willing to help you with childcare since you dont have any close family that you trust.