Birthday Invitation Help! (Wording)

[WindyCityMom]

I'm trying to think up stuff ahead of time and start planning my DD1s 3rd birthday party. It's going to be small, probably 6 or 7 children ages 2-3. One of the children, age 2, has older siblings, ages 5 and 8 that are extremely rowdy, use foul language ("swear" words and put-downs) and are very aggressive. They live upstairs in the attic apartment, and the party will be held in my MILs house, so I need to prevent them from "inviting themselves" over (MIL actually agrees with me about that, but I still need to put it in writing in the invite, just in a nice way).

We're loosely Waldorf inspired and DD has chosen her "theme" (which is really the theme of her everyday life ), it's "Fairies". I decided to spell it as "Faeries" on the invitation to sort of distinguish my DD's "faeries" from Tinkerbell (we don't do Disney).

So.. Here's my "rough draft".

You’re invited to a “faerie” special celebration!

Faeries, Gnomes, & Trolls, oh my!
It’s that time of year again-
Time sure does fly!
It’s a big day for Nayeli Marie,
For this little faerie is turning THREE!


*date time etc here*


**If your little faerie or gnome has any food allergies or sensitivities, please let us know!**

Note to parents: This is a “Little Kid” party. In order to maintain an age appropriate atmosphere, we kindly request that only the invited child(ren) are in attendance. Thank you!

I really don't know how to word the bolded part. Any advice?

[ASusan]

can you work something in that says, "and this invitation is just for YOU, Jonathan." Direct it to the individual child, specifically by name.

And then maybe for the RSVP, "Can you please let us know if Jonathan will be attending?"

[Shaki]

I've seen invites where people say something like:
"space is limited, so unfortunately we can't include siblings"
There's probably a more gracious way to say that (than the way I've written it here), but I've never found it to be offensive and it doesn't single anyone out.

You may want to clarify whether or not it's ok to drop the invited child off at the party, if siblings aren't invited but parents are expected to stay that can be difficult sometimes for families...

I hope your DD has a great time!

[JudiAU]

I think your wording makes you sound nervous. I'd probably choose the breezier version by the pp. I don't think it is rude to exclude siblings, but I wouldn't exclude nurslings.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

Your wording is not great. Also *I* would consider a 5yo a "little kid" so that would be very unclear to me. And "age appropriate atmosphere" is sooooooo passive aggressive and really subjective. I, for instance, wouldn't mind having an 8yo at my 3yo's bday or a 5yo (in fact several 5yos came). We also had many adults and served alcohol. I consider mixed age settings age appropriate so I, for one, would have no idea what you meant. That you didn't want it to be a make-out party? No R rated films? It's very unclear what you are saying with that statement.

Also you are having the party in the same house where these kids live, that you don't want to invite? I think its okay to say that you only want the littliest one, but you should probably plan on what you are going to do when they show up.


And you aren't just excluding siblings of the kid invite you are excluding cousins of the birthday kid. I think that is very different dynamic than saying "Hey I only got enough cupcakes/treat bags/space for x kids and can't accommodate siblings." You are saying "yes you cousin, but not you cousin."

Addressing the invite only to the invited child and saying that it is a small party for tiny faeries etc might get your message across passively. The day of, make a tiny door that guest have to come through and then tell the cousins they are too tall/old for the party? Or stating it like it's a playdate for kids 3 and under if all your invitees fit into that category?

[ImaSophie]

I am not sure were the Waldorf is coming into play really, a Waldorf birthday party would be two same age guests and your DD.

I think this is going to be difficult because you share a three family home and you are inviting 1 cousin but not the other two cousins. It seems to me the potential is great for hard feelings. Maybe talk with the cousins mother and explain you just want children around DD's age at the party and that the invite is just for the youngest child.

[WindyCityMom]

Haven't read all of the responses yet, but just wanted to say that we may include the children after all. If we do we might have to watch them like hawks, and correct the bad behavior. I just really want a calm, relaxed party. DD also gets horriby overstimulated around those kids. Yesterday she was at my GMILs house because I had to take the cats to get neutered and DH had to work. The kids were there and she came home frazzled (and acting like them).

[DevaMajka]

Originally Posted by Shaki

"space is limited, so unfortunately we can't include siblings"

I like that. Direct, to the point, and doesn't seem to specifically exclude any individual.

If the mom says anything, perhaps mention that it can be REALLY overwhelming for a child to have too many kids at their party (I know that from experience...), and the way you chose who to limit was by age. Something like that.

[WindyCityMom]

tbone_kneegrabber, thanks, those are some great ideas I know my wording is horrible, that's why I'm requesting help

Space is also extremely limited so I really have to take that into consideration.

Oh, and I mentioned the waldorf inspired part because it relates to our theme, which DD probably would have never known about had we not introduced some of those things. I do believe I used the term "loosely" Waldorf inspired, though


I mean- could I just address the invite to the youngest child, and only prepare enough crafts for the invited toddlers? And if I did do just that (have a place for everyone at the table, with their names set at their places) what would I do when the older children came along?

I also think it would sit better with their parents if I used the "space is limited" or "toddler party" etc. issue, than if I were to have to kick the kids out in the middle of the party because they were being rowdy and getting everyone riled up. What do you think?

Everyone would be 3 and under. Maybe the said toddler's invitation will be extra "frilly" and the 5yo (boy) will be less inclined to come along because of the "girly" factor. I just would really like to avoid the chaos of older kids talking about sexual this and that and fighting (even with the little kids) and putting them down. I really wouldn't be opposed to it if the behavior was different, I love multi-age parties when everyone behaves themselves.

We do live in a multi family home, but there are apartments w/i the home, so it's kind of complicated... but we're not all connected sharing the same living space or anything.

[eepster]

I would just put on the invite that planned activities are appropriate for 2 and 3 yo. I would also try to get MIL or GMIL to offer to baby sit the older siblings in question and take them somewhere or do something more grown up with them while the party is going on.

[crunchy_mommy]

Well I've never held an age-specific party so this is a little out of my comfort zone but... Since they are family, could you arrange for an alternate activity for them? I'm trying to think this through... like, maybe they can all come over a day or two before for a little pizza party or something. Or another family member could take them out for the afternoon of the party. I don't know. Anyway, I think just saying, "space is limited, no siblings please," would be fine. Still a little awkward but not offensive I don't think.

[Polliwog]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

Well I've never held an age-specific party so this is a little out of my comfort zone but... Since they are family, could you arrange for an alternate activity for them? I'm trying to think this through... like, maybe they can all come over a day or two before for a little pizza party or something. Or another family member could take them out for the afternoon of the party. I don't know. Anyway, I think just saying, "space is limited, no siblings please," would be fine. Still a little awkward but not offensive I don't think.

If it were another situation, I wouldn't have a problem with just having the youngest one come. But you live in a small building, they are cousins, and you already have some family conflicts. I like crunchy mommy's suggestion about a little family thing at another time.

[zinemama]

I don't see anything wrong with saying that space is limited and you can't accomodate siblings.

[lilyka]

What we did in the past (and these were just neighborhood kids) was we had the party for the 4 year olds and then after the party we did movie, pop corn and hot dogs for the neighborhood kids who would have been bored and mischievous during the party. I talked directly to the kids about this being a kid party but Lily still wanted to celebrate with them. It was a great wind down from the party and low key, no present sort of event. everyone brought their own pillow and we watched a movie that the kids at the party were too young for. They also got to play with the left over party props. it was a good time.

And I agree the "space is limited and we cannot accommodate siblings" is the best way to say it. Also are parents invited? You may want to specify.

[ImaSophie]

Originally Posted by WindyCityMom

tbone_kneegrabber, thanks, those are some great ideas I know my wording is horrible, that's why I'm requesting help

Space is also extremely limited so I really have to take that into consideration.

Oh, and I mentioned the waldorf inspired part because it relates to our theme, which DD probably would have never known about had we not introduced some of those things. I do believe I used the term "loosely" Waldorf inspired, though


I mean- could I just address the invite to the youngest child, and only prepare enough crafts for the invited toddlers? And if I did do just that (have a place for everyone at the table, with their names set at their places) what would I do when the older children came along?

I also think it would sit better with their parents if I used the "space is limited" or "toddler party" etc. issue, than if I were to have to kick the kids out in the middle of the party because they were being rowdy and getting everyone riled up. What do you think?

Everyone would be 3 and under. Maybe the said toddler's invitation will be extra "frilly" and the 5yo (boy) will be less inclined to come along because of the "girly" factor. I just would really like to avoid the chaos of older kids talking about sexual this and that and fighting (even with the little kids) and putting them down. I really wouldn't be opposed to it if the behavior was different, I love multi-age parties when everyone behaves themselves.

We do live in a multi family home, but there are apartments w/i the home, so it's kind of complicated... but we're not all connected sharing the same living space or anything.

I am from New England momma I know a multi family home is a bigger home broken down into apartments on each floor. I hope you get it figured out.

[WindyCityMom]

Oh no, I was just clarifying My current situation is a bit confusing to say the least!

DHs family usually throws big extravagant house parties for the kids birthdays, complete with music (FIL DJs) and alcohol that last until 3am. That's not really my thing though, I'm more of the quiet sort. My DH has never been at a party like this, so he's curious to see what it will be like. Maybe the older kids will find the party too "boring" and go back upstairs.

So, we're probably going to just invite the youngest child and if the siblings show up, they show up. I do want to make sure that I make it clear to them that we will not tolerate such behavior. My DH is worried that inviting the little sister but not them will create a huge family uproar so I need to respect that... but I think that having to ask their parents to leave the party (or even subtly correcting the bad behavior in front of their parents) will lead their parents to just scoop up all 3 children and leave, thus leading to another family uproar. Blergh. Why do I even need to be thinking about this...

[pianojazzgirl]

Are the dynamics with the cousins' mom such that you could just have a quick word with her about the party saying that you were hoping that just youngest cousin would come because you're planning a bunch of toddler crafts/activities/whatever and you're sure the older 2 would be bored and you're not sure how to include them. Say that you were thinking maybe another evening (maybe even that evening?) you could get all the cousins together and order pizza, watch a movie and have a special family celebration of your dd's b-day?

[WindyCityMom]

The cousins' mom and I don't exactly get along, there have been numerous occasions where she has outright ignored me speaking to her, even in front of other people or in front of our children. Their father has some issues with me as well.

Most issues stem from the fact that I once called the police on them for zero car seat use (after speaking to them about it, though I don't know what happened in that case, but nothing has changed) and because I constantly correct and say things to their children (in front of them, and they do nothing!) like "Oh, well that isn't very nice" etc when they put down my DDs (and myself!), hit my DDs, etc. There was one really bad situation when the 5yo asked me if I'd like to [insert sexual act]. He then said some extremely vulgar things, I went and told his mom, and he got hit (which I felt terrible about), but his mother seemed more angry with me than she was with him. Just a ton of things. We do not get along. I'm not sure if she'd even respond if I said something to her. Someone else talking to her might work, though it might result in a lot of smack-talk.

[crunchy_mommy]

Can you just not invite any of them, including the toddler?

[WindyCityMom]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

Can you just not invite any of them, including the toddler?

I think my DD would miss the little girl being there, and I think that it might make matters even worse if I don't invite any of them. Hopefully I can just try and keep the kids as mellow as possible, maybe I can give them a special "job" at the party if they show up.