Compulsive correcting of others - Page 2

[loraxc]

I do sometimes wonder if we may be asking too much from her developmentally. She really is a very black/white right/wrong kind of kid. Also very literal--still sometimes doesn't understand when someone is joking, and hates to be teased with topsy-turvy jokes (like "Oh, it's night! What do you mean it's morning?"). It's one reason we were concerned about ASD when she was younger. She probably is closer to the spectrum than not, though she has many very nonspectrum traits, too.

[emmaegbert]

Originally Posted by loraxc

... I told DD that in a way she was bullying her brother. She'd never been told that before, and she knows it's absolutely not okay to bully. She started crying. "But I can't help it! I was just born this way! It's the way I was born!" I really did feel a little bad for her. This is going to be a long road.

would she like to write down things that her brother does, or privately tell you... or some other way to let her express herself that is not directed AT her brother? I am just thinking... a way that validates her observation WITHOUT it bullying or interfering with her brother?

Originally Posted by loraxc

still sometimes doesn't understand when someone is joking, and hates to be teased with topsy-turvy jokes

oh well then my earlier thoughts are not helpful. sorry! different strokes for different folks. My son has always loved all that stuff. He had a friend who got very confused when we started in on it (they kept asking me to read a list of rules and I started making up very silly rules and a look of almost horror came over the other kids' face- I felt awful b/c I could tell I was freaking him out. Though actually then he got into quizzing me on it, and seeing if I could re-"read" the same silly rules...)

[joensally]

Originally Posted by loraxc

Oh, I wouldn't call that losing your temper! That seems very normal and appropriate.

This came up again yesterday, and I told DD that in a way she was bullying her brother. She'd never been told that before, and she knows it's absolutely not okay to bully. She started crying. "But I can't help it! I was just born this way! It's the way I was born!" I really did feel a little bad for her. This is going to be a long road.

So how did you respond to that? I'm honestly curious. I also have a kid who can be a rigid, stuck thinker.

[loraxc]

Well...I told her I knew it was very important to her for things to be accurate, and that I know wrong things bother her, but that she was still in control of her words and her actions. NOt that great, but the best I had.

I have thought about a notebook where she could write things. I might try it.

[Tigerle]

Well you did call it compulsive yourself. I know that's what it feels like to me still - a pressing physical need to set things right, and it is only maturity that enables me to shut up. Mostly. Sometimes I still don't. I've gotten in trouble for it professionally.
I imagine in the short run it might be the easiest route to encourage her to run right to you (if it's her brother) or tell you at the very first opportunity (if it's someone in school, say). Then it's just you who has to stand it.
I still start seething, for instance, whenever I happen to remember the idiot literature teacher (master's degree, too) I had in 8th or 9th grade who insisted on the wrong etymology of a word even after I'd told her the right one and explained how it was obvious from the way it sounded. After all these years. We never really get over it, we compulsive correctors.

[SubliminalDarkness]

My older son does it, too He is also a very bright child, and it is absolutely infuriating. He is especially bad when it comes to his brother(who's almost 4). He critiques the way he plays, the way he pretends, the way he practices learning things.....

I'm with you. It's not ok. It's not fair to my younger son to have to be beaten down by all the correcting.

I wish I had a solution. For us, it's just an ongoing battle.

[MJB]

I was a know-it-all kid and my parents thought it was funny. I had a very difficult time socially until about 13.

[loraxc]

Well, I definitely do not think it's funny. If anything, I probably come down on her too hard. Unfortunately it's all too easy to come down too hard on her.

I know that's what it feels like to me still - a pressing physical need to set things right, and it is only maturity that enables me to shut up. Mostly. Sometimes I still don't. I've gotten in trouble for it professionally.

It's helpful to hear an adult perspective on this. Although I am an editor, as I said, I am not usually that bothered by inaccuracy unless it's bigoted, political, or personally harmful to someone.

I do try to look at the bright side a bit. Sometimes you really SHOULDN'T let things slide. Sometimes you have to stand up, and hoo boy, she will.