checklists on what to do to prepare for divorce (SAHMs especially)?

[FlyingGoddess]

I would like checklists for what I can and should be doing before divorcing.

Things like buying clothes and misc supplies, and so forth. Any links?

My background:

I'm going to be filing for divorce before January 2011.

I'm a SAHM of 2 kids, we're unschoolers.

I've got an awesome setup ahead, moving in with a single mom friend. Bartering childcare in exchange for a room and bathroom for my kids and me (kids will have 50 percent nights w/ their dad), as well as for when I get a 20-hour-week job. (My friend's professional, PT work schedule is flexible).

I haven't worked, really, for over 9 years. But I'm just finishing up some schooling (accounting diploma) to get me going--will be done December 2010.

[provocativa]

you can stockpile food, and vitamins, and get expensive stuff for the kids like shoes a size ahead. i needed copies of all bills and the mortgage to get temporary child support and maintenance, but if you're bailing on your house then you might not need those. fyi my xh has to pay for everything during the temp order except food- i am a sahm. 50% nights seems so long for kids to be away from their 24 /7 mom! try to get your kids up to grade level on their work. we're unschoolers, too, and xh is really fighting continuing homeschooling. if he wins legal custody, he can make you put them in school, and so can an anti-homeschooling judge here, MN might be different. you need all their papers- ssn, birth certs, etc. - yours too. start getting your credit report(s). my eldest is way ahead in reading and way behind in math, so a transition to school if i lose will be rough for her.

[FlyingGoddess]

I'm guessing he'd get Friday-Sunday nights (3 nights a week). Otherwise, they will be with me from Monday a.m. - Friday evening. I don't know if the 5 yo will want to be away from me for 3 nights. She'd be welcome to stay w/ me I'm sure.

Hm, I didn't think of buying clothes for the kids. Sorta assume that their dad will be covering them. Me, now that's another story.

Dh will keep the house. Because of sucky home prices now, we don't have any equity.

Yeah, we'll see what he does about homeschooling. I hope he doesn't fight me on that. He's really close to our older child, and she doesn't want to go to school. I think he wouldn't fight *her* on that.

Credit reports: You mean mine. Or his too?

Why did you only get temporary child support?

Thanks!

[LoveOhm]

Plan to do everything 100% on your own and IF your ex consistently is dependable then great if not you have a safety net.

Have a career or skill / job in place. Financial security or lack there of caused great deals of stress

Realize you may have to give up anything that is not tradition in parenting and be willing to accept those changes or to fight like mad to keep them. (This includes not vaxing, extended nursing, co-sleeping, homeschooling, etc.)

I assume most men fight homeschooling because then it seems like then the at home parent cannot work since they are homeschooling and thus their childsupport will be higher.

Get YOUR physical and dental check up for yourself and your kids. Get all fillings and dental work or medical work done on yourself (and your kids) before you even file.

Copies of your and his credit resports.
Copies of all financials you can get your hands on (for the house, cars, you, him, etc.)

Seek some support for yourself in this tranisition time. Friends and family can really help and if not them maybe a professional. (I have used both)

I will add more if I think of some....

[LoveOhm]

btw - where I live 3 nights a week is not 50% of the time. They often do one week with mom / one week with dad or split it half way thru the week and alternate weekends aiming for true 50/50 in time.

[doubledutch]

in minnesota, for child support purposes, it's ideal for him to have 45% parenting time or less. (of course, 3 days/wk is less than 45%). for child support calculation purposes, the state assumes that any parent who is "voluntarily unemployed or underemployed" has the ability to earn 150% of minimum wage at full time hours, so $1885 per month. that is the monthly gross you need to enter for yourself in the child support calculator.
http://childsupportcalculator.dhs.st...alculator.aspx

don't assume he will do anything above and beyond what he is ordered to do. in fact, assume it may be difficult even to get him to do that.

[doubledutch]

oh i can't believe i forgot to say this. the first thing on the list for anyone even considering divorce is START TALKING TO LAWYERS. like, immediately. get consulations with several. find out what your rights and responsibilities are, what the likely outcomes are, what you should do now to protect yourself (and your kids), etc.

[LoveOhm]

Originally Posted by doubledutch

oh i can't believe i forgot to say this. the first thing on the list for anyone even considering divorce is START TALKING TO LAWYERS. like, immediately. get consulations with several. find out what your rights and responsibilities are, what the likely outcomes are, what you should do now to protect yourself (and your kids), etc.

consult with a lawyer or three AND a financial planner.....

[FlyingGoddess]

Originally Posted by LoveOhm

consult with a lawyer or three AND a financial planner.....

When you talk about these consultations, are you talking about *paying* for them. Or free intro-meetings.

Why a financial planner?

[Halfasianmomma]

I had two over the phone free consultations with lawyers. It gave me a good idea of where I was headed. Then I had one face to face meeting with a lawyer, which cost me 50$. I went with her because I didn't know better and didn't think to ask about her experience. My bad. She turned out badly and I "fired" her. I then had another paid face to face consult with a lawyer that came recommended by a coworker who was also going through a divorce. That consult cost me 100$, but was worth every penny, since I came prepared with a long list of questions I needed answered.

For the free consultations, you can call the Bar Association in your area and ask which family law lawyers provide this service. However, it's like a shot in the dark so it's best to have several of these consultations to get a broad idea of your rights and responsibilities.

Can't speak to the financial planner suggestion as I was completely broke when I left XH. I did however speak to "someone" at my bank and requested that my name be removed from the joint accounts etc etc.

[chel]

i've found you get what you pay for with "free" attorney consults. i saw two and one was $200 for about 45min, the other was $400 for about 1.5hrs. my nsdh was $300 (unsure of time).

i was not able to get my name taken off joint accounts (bank and credit cards) the accounts had to be closed.


yes, i would get your medical care in order. plans for insurance. clothes for everyone and whatever household furniture you might need.

[doubledutch]

i paid $50 for face-to-face consultations. they said it was for however much time we needed, but that an hour was typical. the first one i talked to for an hour, the next for about 1/2 hour.