"You're just making it easier for when I move in February"

[mommy_to_2angels]

That's what my ex told my this morning.

The topic came up when he asked if he and I could take the kids trick-or-treating alone, without my boyfriend. I told him, No, I am not comfortable with that and besides, he's a huge part of the kids day to day life and deserves to be there if he wants and the kids want him to be. My ex has been trying to get me to spend time alone with him and the kids regularly and I have to keep reiterating that it's not what I want. We are not a couple, not a family anymore. He's just fighting it like a little kid who's been told he can't have something.

So apparently he has decided to move back to Rhode Island in February. 1500miles away from the kids, that he claims are his only reason for living... WTF... My daughter already cries and is having a hard time and that's seeing him once a week...

I just don't understand him. One day it's "I'm gonna kill myself because I don't have anything to live for" and the next it's "The kids are everything and I'm going to do everything I can to take care of them." and then "I'm leaving and you and Jesse can raise them...".

I told him plain and clear:
#1 - You forfeited your right to be suicidal when you created these 2 kids.
#2 - They are your responsibility too, you should be doing everything you can to take care of them

How can he think to just walk away from them? His father did it to him, like mine did it to me... he knows how much it hurts... And he's doing it anyway. I'm sooo angry I just want to scream and beat him... What am I supposed to tell my daughter who will be devestated...?

[~Charlie's~Angel~]

Be careful that this in not another ploy to create drama with you. He knows how to push your buttons. Dont let him.

[mommy_to_2angels]

Thanks! I just said whatever it is you need to do. I bit my tongue despite my desire to bash him over the head with something heavy. His repeated "I'm going to kill myself!"s were met with me calmly saying what I put above. I refuse to rise to his little power plays. He yells, I hang up. He swears I stop answering and limit him to email until he can act like a grown man instead of a tempramental 2 year old. I've come a looooong way in the last 10 months. My boyfriend is proud of that. Lol. You girls would be too! But I really needed to vent... So thanks for listening!

[smeep]

Originally Posted by mommy_to_2angels

How can he think to just walk away from them? His father did it to him, like mine did it to me... he knows how much it hurts... And he's doing it anyway. I'm sooo angry I just want to scream and beat him... What am I supposed to tell my daughter who will be devestated...?

It seems they tend to go one of two ways...either incredibly involved because of their loss, or they just repeat the cycle. DS's biodad learned from his father. His father was always very emotionally distant (these are things I observed and discussed at length with biodad's mother, prior to biodad exiting the picture of course). He loved his children (biodad and his sister), but he was never emotionally there. He didn't show them any kind of love...it was just a roof over their head and toys under the Christmas tree, and only the occasional question of how they were doing or the occasional "I love you." Biodad's mom expressed a lot of concern over this. Then about two weeks after we found out we were pregnant, biodad became distant. Two months later I left. He has never met his son, completely by his choice. He has nothing to do with anything. He learned how to disconnect from his own father and, because he didn't want to grow up and be a parent, he just took it a step further by having nothing at all to do with his child. I just hope so badly that my son never repeats that cycle with his children.

Do you think it would be better if he just went to RI and never came back? Generally that works best when kids are younger and never knew the other parent, though.

And I wouldn't tell her anything. Not until you are sure that he is definitely moving. He could just be lashing out and pulling BS.

[mommy_to_2angels]

Honestly, I think it will be better in the end. My son doesn't know any different. His dad is just some guy that he spends time with that his sister adores. My boyfriend is more dad to him than my ex. It's the 5 year old that will be devestated by all of this. And she will be devestated... I'll be just supporting her as best as I can, but it's gonna hurt her so badly and that breaks my heart.