Help please! 2yo gets to a point where NOTHING will please or calm him - Page 2

[Tjej]

My DS has this in his personality. It usually comes out if he is sleep deprived. Occasionally it's hunger. And sometimes it's just being 2...

I find that once I realize he is at a "no win" stage I stop offering any choices. None of them are going to make him happy anyway. I decide everything while acknowledging he is frustrated/upset. I also let him have his feelings - I'll snuggle him most of the time because that is what helps him. We talk about him needing to calm down, we get there eventually (not always snuggled, but sometimes), and then we move on and do whatever needs to be done or go onto the next thing.

With mealtime stuff and this type of fit I find I just leave the food and utensils on the table but out of reach, and when he has calmed down he will ask for them, even if he was screaming about not wanting them 2 mintues before.

Tjej

[Surfacing]

subbing to come back and read because my dd2 has these kinds of extendo-fits

[mamazee]

My feeling is that trying to calm them or stop their tantrums can sometimes backfire. One of the things they learn through tantrums is the concept of futility, that sometimes we can't have something no matter how much we want it, no matter how much or how long we fuss, and even no matter how much our parents want us to have it. And that it's OK to not always get what we want. Understanding that is a major part of maturity. Adults who haven't learned it become the ones who scream and yell when you get to the parking spot they wanted at the grocery store.

So if it's a tantrum over wanting something he can't have, and you try to make it better in some way, you're in effect teaching him that there actually is the possibility of always getting what he wants, and the more he holds onto that, the longer and fiercer the tantrums can get.

I would really just let it go and try very hard not take it personally. Think of it as giving him the gift of having gained another step toward maturity. Empathize, let him know you love him and are there for him, but let him go through those big emotions for as long as it takes so he can learn that it's OK.

[Surfacing]

I haven't read all the responses but I read many of them - does anyone's child go on with their fit for at least 30 min. or more? If so, do you let it run? I am concerned about the child developing emotional habits that are harmful.