I am feeling really alone and depressed. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for here. I don't really have any real friends or family I feel I can turn to, and hubby is always at work (14 hrs a day/ 6 days a week.) Our DD will be 18 months old next month. She is wonderful, and I am blessed to stay home with her. She has always been just a tad high needs, and I have always seemed to be able to manage..until now. This week has been awful. Everything turns into a meltdown-diaper changes, changing clothes, going out, eating, even playing or reading! She will no longer let me brush her teeth. I try to avoid situations that become power struggles, but all of these things are necessary to everyday life. I understand this is typical toddler behavior. I have read books and articles and have trieed various methods. I distract her. I try to calm her. I communicate to her why she is upset. I have tried everything. I do not believe in spanking as a viable method of discipline, and I refuse to use that method. I was spanked as a child and am seriously scarred and resentful bc of it. Lately, I am so on edge and lose my temper so easily that it has been tempting. I can't imagine how awful I would feel if I even barely tapped her in a moment of frustration. I feel like an awful mother and like a failure. I feel like everyday I am failing my DD bc I have no idea how to deal with these things..and if I don't figure it out now, I'm scared it will only get worse. The only thing I feel we still have going for us is our nursing relationship. I am glad we have this, but it also bothers me that the only way I can comfort or calm my DD is by nursing. Some days I don't even want to get out of bed bc I don't have the energy or patience to deal. Just yesterday she hit me in the face with her sippy cup, and I am pretty sure my nose is broken. All I could do wasry..not bc it hurt like hell, but bc I couldn't comprehend why she could do that when all I have given her is love. I realize I need a break, but that is barely possible with our situation. I wish I could trust just anyone with my DD, but I don't..not even close family. I just want support in how to deal with this. I want to stop feeling like an awful mother. I want to stop feeling like an awful person. I want to know how other women do this with more than one. I want so badly to have another child, but I honestly don't think I could handle another. How do I handle these behaviors while staying sane and taking care of myself?? I am really desperate to get back to being the confident and happy mother my DD deserves, while dealing with her appropriately. Please, I will be thankful for any insight.
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10/21/10 at 7:10pm