"They must be wrong" Personality trait or stage?

[LynnS6]

Dd (6) has had a number of incidents in the last year (or more), which make my dh quote the line from Mythbusters "I reject your reality and replace it with my own." I figured it was a stage, but I'm beginning to wonder if it's a personality trait.

The latest incident was as follows:
Dd asked me last night: "When did Roy Halladay pitch his perfect game?"
"I have no idea," I responded.
"Daddy, when did Roy Halladay pitch his perfect game?"
"I don't know."
Dd sat down in front of the computer and began to type into Google. She asked me how to spell a few words (Halladay, pitch, perfect). (We'll ignore the fact that my 6 year old knows how to google information -- really how times have changed!)

A few minutes later she began to read: "On May 29th, Roy Halladay pitched the 20th perfect game in MLB history." She stopped. Then she wailed "No, it was the 25th!"
"The 25th?" we asked.
"Yes, it was the 25th."
Dh looked it up on his computer. "Well, according to this, it was the 20th perfect game in major league history. Maybe it has to do with when they start counting the major leagues."
"No, it was the 25th of May."
"Really? It says here it was the 29th," was dh's response.
"No, it wasn't, it was the 25th. I heard...Somebody said it was the 25th. Well, I think the person who wrote it got it wrong."

Now, here's the deal. She doesn't really care about baseball. NOTHING important was riding on this conversation. She just had it in her mind that Roy Halladay pitched his perfect game on the 25th of May, and when the printed sources didn't agree with her, she decided that the printed sources must be wrong!

So, is it a 5-6 year old stage? Or is it a personality trait? And if it's a personality trait, can I survive her teenage years without going batty?

[lilyka]

I tend to approach such things with an attitude of "if it is not going to be ok when she is older it is not ok now". phase or attitude it would not be ok (i know adults like this and it drives me batty)

I would matter of factly correct her and if she insists I would show her a few more sources (checking internet sources is a good habit to get in to. They can be wrong.) If she insists she heard it somewhere I would tell her the person she heard it from was wrong and now she has the correct information. And then I would remind her it was ok to be wrong and that it is good she now has the correct information and that ot was a very good idea for her to look it up etc.

[Smokering]

I have that tendency. I remember having a huge argument with a teacher when I misspelled "vacuum". I was generally a very good speller, so the idea that I'd gotten a word wrong was an absolute outrage to me. I think I spelled it "vaccuam" or something equally odd, and when I finally snuck away to look it up in the dictionary I was mortified to find out I was wrong.

What helped - eventually - was modelling. My friends and DH are all very geeky, so we're accustomed to holding each other to a high standard of intellectual honesty and challenging each others' statements on Google. I figure if they can voluntarily walk up to me and say "Hey, you were right about that argument we had three weeks ago, it was Peter Weir, not Andrew Nichols", I can do the same.

Maybe you could point out to her that even very well-known news and magazine writers have fact-checkers. Don't make it about her, just discuss the phenomena of Chinese whispers, internet unreliability, exaggerated stories and so on. Show her snopes.com. Once she gets used to the idea that anyone can be fooled by incorrect facts, but that reputable sources go a long way towards establishing credibility, she might find it a point of pride to be correct and willing to retract or amend statements.

Really, though, this is part of being a grownup, and one which many of us never quite master. So don't expect her to "get" it overnight. Nobody likes to be wrong.

[4Marmalade]

My oldest ds has this tendency to never admit to being wrong. Your example sounds very familiar . He is very much a perfectionist and will never admit to making a mistake. We actually are just starting out getting him evaluated for some anxiety issues which I think is contributing to this tendency. Not sure how related it is though.

For my ds, if we were to take the approach of discussing it at length it would very quickly result in a full scale meltdown. We have found it much more useful to try to do a quick correction. If he doesn't accept it and starts arguing with us I quickly back off and tell him "I'm not going to argue with you about this". If I talk any more about it he just argues more and more that he is right and everyone else is wrong. I know that he will accept the correction because there have been times when I hear him talking later and he is using the correct information. He will NEVER admit he is wrong. Dh and I openly admit when we are wrong and sometimes model this in front of ds so hopefully it gets better. I think as we work on his anxiety issues he will be able to accept mistakes more readily. I hope anyways .

[frogautumn]

Wow, something in this post really struck a chord with me. I remember being exactly that age and asking my grandmother how many days the months of August (my friend's birthday month) and November (my birthday month) had in them. When I learned that August had 31 and November had 30, I was so upset, I wept. Why? Because my parent's wedding anniversary is March 31st.

So my first reaction while reading your post was, "Hmm...I wonder if the number 25 meant anything special to her at the moment."

I definitely have perfectionist tendencies and that kind of stuff was common with me.

[limabean]

I can imagine that getting frustrating if she's doing it with every little thing, but in a way it's a good thing to not blindly believe everything she reads.

I probably would have said, "Yes, sometimes written sources can be wrong. How about we look up a few more links and see what they say?"

[jillmamma]

I noticed she has a May birthday from your siggie, is the 25th her birthday? Maybe she wanted it to be then for it to be a special day?

[MusicianDad]

Originally Posted by limabean

I can imagine that getting frustrating if she's doing it with every little thing, but in a way it's a good thing to not blindly believe everything she reads.

I probably would have said, "Yes, sometimes written sources can be wrong. How about we look up a few more links and see what they say?"

That's what I would have done.

BTW the source was right Halliday pitched his perfect game on the 29th. Interestingly enough the 19th perfect game in MLB history was pitched by Dallas Braden on the 9th of that same month.

[minkajane]

DS (5.5) did this exact same thing last night. He's going to be Link from Zelda for Halloween and I spent a week crocheting him a Triforce bag to go with it. When I showed it to him, all he could say was that it wasn't supposed to be yellow, it was supposed to be blue. We showed him pictures and statements that said over and over that it was gold, but he kept insisting that it was supposed to be blue. Apparently in ONE part of ONE game, it turned blue because it was broken. It actually turned into a major meltdown because he kept arguing even when we tried to stop talking about it and move on and he wouldn't stop yelling that it was blue.

This is a new thing for DS, so I think it's just a phase. Here's hoping!

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by frogautumn

I definitely have perfectionist tendencies and that kind of stuff was common with me.

This is what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid this is a personality trait. She just doesn't like to be wrong. When I make a good point in a discussion, she'll often say "I hate it when you're right!" We do model when we're wrong a lot, so I'm hoping that it will eventually stick.

I have visions of her being a powerful activist for something when she's older. She's amazingly incensed at instances of discrimination ("they shouldn't do that, it's just wrong!"), and the idea of cutting social services ("But then kids wouldn't have enough teachers, and people wouldn't get help when they're sick.")

Originally Posted by limabean

II probably would have said, "Yes, sometimes written sources can be wrong. How about we look up a few more links and see what they say?"

If she's ever rational during these events, that would be a good idea. Right now, she's just not open to logic!

Originally Posted by jillmamma

I noticed she has a May birthday from your siggie, is the 25th her birthday? Maybe she wanted it to be then for it to be a special day?

No, her birthday is the 20th. Her best friend's birthday is the 10th. Those are the major special days in May! So, it was really just a matter of her not wanting to admit she was wrong.

[contactmaya]

I say its definitely and age thing. I seem to remember being around that age, and having the craziest arguments with my older cousins (age 18/19). One argument, was my insistence that all cats were girls, and all dogs were boys. No matter how much they tried to correct me, i still wouldnt have it.
Just let it go. Show her, alternative information, but dont try to prove *you* are right. Let her figure it out herself.

Another argument that got me in a fit of tears, was my cousins' refusal to explain to me how fire burned. Nobody would explain it, and i got very angry.

its an age thing....cute really

[nola79]

Wow! I though my son was the only person in the world like this....seriously, he will do the exact same thing you described in your post. I am guessing personality trait. He'll be 8 on thursday, and he has been like this since age 5 or 6. Like your dd, he is also not open to logic. I don't have any advice for you, as I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with my own ds.

[flower01]

Interesting...my 3 1/2 year old does this. I have always wondered if it was the age or her personality. I was really hoping it was age...but it sounds like that's not the case?

[blessedwithboys]

My son is this way and for him it is bi-polar grandiosity.

[mama_daba]

my son who is about to turn 3 is very much this way. he frequently "corrects" us about things and gets very upset if he is wrong about stuff. for now we just tell him we don't want to argue about it and stop talking about it try and change the subject. his baby sitter tells him "that's what you think and this is what i think" . i am glad for this thread if he remains this way as he gets older there are some really good ideas. i hope it is not a personality trait but if it is he probably got it from me

[flower01]

Originally Posted by moonfroggy

my son who is about to turn 3 is very much this way. he frequently "corrects" us about things and gets very upset if he is wrong about stuff. for now we just tell him we don't want to argue about it and stop talking about it try and change the subject. his baby sitter tells him "that's what you think and this is what i think" . i am glad for this thread if he remains this way as he gets older there are some really good ideas. i hope it is not a personality trait but if it is he probably got it from me

That's pretty much what we do, too.