I thought this would have gotten better by now (separation issues)

[Wild Lupine]

I've worked very lightly part time, 5 - 10 hours a week, since DD was 13 months old.

In August I began working much more, about 25 hours a week. Every time I leave DD protests vehemently, screams, cries, clings to me and has to be peeled off by whoever is taking care of her, usually her Dad or a baby-sitter she loves.

I try to make goodbyes light, quick, and pleasant, and spend lots of time with her when I am home (which is a lot; except for work I hardly go anywhere). But at the mere mention of 'good bye' and 'work' she melts down.

She's a few weeks shy of four and is a happy, confident girl. She loves preschool (9 hours/week) and has no trouble leaving me when she goes there.

[bluebunny]

My almost four-year old has a meltdown every morning before preschool. I have worked part-time her whole life and I thought these morning meltdowns (separation anxiety) would get better. I guess I don't have any advice, just commiseration.

[Peony]

We are going through the opposite but same problem. DD2 who turns 4 this week started preschool in August, until until then she had been at home with a sitter when I worked, which is also part time. She went with an adjustment period late last year when we had to switch to non-family member sitters to ones that she didn't know. We slowly worked through it and I thought we were good to go. The school is the same one where DD1 is at, it is this small, crunchy, awesome place with an amazing teacher and I finally had to pull her out this week because it has been soo hard on her.

I can get her to agree to go with a sitter but to school, no. The change in her over the last few monthd has been huge, she is just so resistant to any change now. No real advice because I feel like I tried everything. I withdrew my application from grad school because I couldn't do it if she was with me all the time that I wasn't working. Sigh, not better over here either.

[caenach]

I'm just curious if she's able to talk through it at all outside of the moment--or tell you what she needs to make a better transition? DD, for instance, has recently been able to communicate that she needs me to sit with her and read her a story when I drop her off in the morning. We still have the occasional meltdown, sure, but WAY less of them since I started talking to her about it. We spend some time discussing what the transition plan will be...i.e., "We are leaving for daycare now. I will sit with you and read you one story. And then I will go to work. Daddy will pick you up in a few hours." We also spent a lot of time talking about "work" and what it is (DD had no idea, she said she thought I went back home) and at home we have been playing a few games where DD gets dressed, packs a bag, and leaves to go to work while I make a big fuss.

I know common wisdom is just to make a quick, happy break, and that seems to work when DH drops her off...but I think maybe DD just needs to have a more gradual transition when I'm leaving her.

I don't have a four year old yet, though...so it's just a stab in the dark. I empathize...I just really cannot handle a traumatic separation in the morning--it makes me feel so awful.

[Wild Lupine]

I guess I'm not the only one experiencing this. Maybe four is an age of separation anxiety, or increased ability to express it!

I have talked with her about it, and she says, "I don't ever want you to leave the house unless it is with me." She's very clear about what she wants!

[Peony]

Originally Posted by Wild Lupine

I guess I'm not the only one experiencing this. Maybe four is an age of separation anxiety, or increased ability to express it!

I have talked with her about it, and she says, "I don't ever want you to leave the house unless it is with me." She's very clear about what she wants!

LOL, DD2 says something very similar.