I don't think I like EI

[babygirlie]

So we had our first official uh class?

I don't think we're on the same page and I just don't get it. I'm kind of irritated. Tell me I'm right or wrong; but I'm starting to dig my heels in a little.

My 18 month old JUST learned to use her bottle by herself and for the past week she has been walking and sucking all day long. She's pretty darned hydrated and we are loving it. I am really enjoying just setting her bottle on an end table and she just goes for it and starts drinking away. She's not pro yet. Still sucks air a lot but I'm letting her get it herself and she's emptying the bottles and I am just so proud of her.

Well her teacher wants structure! Structure is autism's best friend. When she is done drinking she is to put her bottle away. She wants her trained to put it in a box when she is done and me to scoop it up and put it in the kitchen when she is done.

I don't have a problem with it lying on the floor or blankies tbh. But.. she can't even put a block into a box let alone a bottle. It's a little cart before the horse thing. She has no concept of putting things into other things.

Plus... what the heck is wrong with being able to hydrate whenever you darn well feel like it? I'm just not getting it. I like her not relying on me to predict when she's thirsty. If she feels inclined she drinks. I think it's awesome.

Second issue. She pissed my kid off. I guess I'm pretty slow and laid back. I don't understand pushing a kid until they are just straight pissed.

She has a toy where you hit the button and a bear pops up or slide a button and a whatever pops up. For reference, she learned to push the pop thing down a few weeks ago . Proud of her. She's even anal about it. If one is left up she has to go put it down before doing whatever else she wants to do. She cannot do the buttons yet. I have gently pressed her finger or hand and we've practiced, but she wasn't there yet and I let it go.

Well, teach shoves her hand down on the button and the bear pops up, then pushes the bear down. She wants to teach her IF this THEN that. Ok, that's fine. Fine it was over and over and over and over and over and for the first time ever I see my kid push the teacher's hand clearly away from her toy. She never pushes anyone away from her toys before or for any reason. This is the first time I've seen this.

Teach does it again. Frankly after 30 times I'm wanting her to quit. Well my baby starts to cry. She's goes oh am I making you mad? And stops for a few seconds and off they go again. Baby tolerates it then starts to cry again. Up down up down up down.

this kinda upset me, but I didn't say anything because she's the teacher and she won't stay for too long.

Eye contact. I agree with this of course. get down to her eye level when giving her food etc. Don't call to her across the room, but get in her face. (She doesn't know her name yet). However... See my kid is a big hugger. Almost hurts my feelings because she has no stranger danger defenses and no mommy is best feelings.. she falls into anyone's arms as if they were me. I could fall off the face of the planet and she could care less. ANYWAY, she was throwing herself on the teacher a lot. She said we could use hugs as rewards instead of food etc. So she wouldn't let her hug her until she made eye contact. As soon as she did she would give her a hug and say good eye contact!! I don't think I want hugs as a reward. I think they should be given freely and whenever she wants them. I don't want to punish her by not giving her hugs kwim? It's the only emotion I get which isn't really an emotion I think but a sensory thing I guess.

I'm wondering if this is necessary at all. I mean she'll get things (or not) as she gets older anyway. She's not a puppy. I don't feel like "training" her I guess. I dunno.

Feel free to tell me I'm wrong. I'm totally new at this and perhaps I just don't "get it". I'm also worried she'll read this and get mad lol. I'm just trying to understand where we're going with this.

[kozer1]

We had a similar experience with one of my kids' therapists (OT). I have twins - boy/girl - and both have delays across the board. (They have already turned 3 a few months ago and not in EI anymore, but they were in EI 6 months-36 months). Anyway, we've had our run of horrible therapists, but this OT was the worst of the worst. My kids don't like loud noises, and this lady always came barreling in screaming at the kids from the get-go. She yelled at them (in their faces) if they didn't get/understand something, force them to do very difficult and uncomfortable activities - One example: She had this 8 foot long tunnel thing, and my DD is terrified of tunnels (at the time). She was crying on her hands and knees in front of the tunnel yelling "Please no!!" and the OT PUSHED her butt very hard and yelled at her to go in, and DD tumbled onto her face and bruised her nose! Needless to say, that was the last time I let her into my house. Before that incident, my kids just always hated her and cried the second they saw her coming up the walkway to the front door. They had other therapists (ST, DI, etc.) and loved them all. Never cried. So it was definitely because of the OT's actions.

I'd say, maybe give it one more session and see if her demeanor changes. It's okay to call your EI coordinator and ask for another therapist. It's all about finding the right fit for your daughter. Over the almost-3-years, I've called for a few changes until I found the right fit for my kids.

I wish you the best of luck!! EI can be a great thing for your daughter as long as it is the right therapist!

[ComplexOphelia]

We had a very similar experience - an OT who was very disrespectful of my son and had very few (read: no) helpful suggestions for our family. It turned out my son didn't even need OT - ugh.

Once we found the right teacher, she was wonderful, and I really enjoyed her visits and learned from them! I would suggest mentioning everything that you said to your services coordinator, who should work to set you up with someone who's a better match for your family.

Good luck!

[babygirlie]

Thanks. I am pretty introverted but I will need to figure out who to call if this isn't going to work.

I about cried reading the tunnel experience. how awful!

[HealthHomeHappy]

We've had some therapists like that. I specifically request laid back therapists (or EI people when we did that) that will follow the child's lead. You can ask for people who are familiar with and willing to use the Floortime/Sonrise approach, which is based on encouraging, not forcing, the child.

We've switched around a LOT and gotten great people who are willing to work with us as a family. I was nervous about switching at first, but now I'm so used to it that it doesn't bother me at all.

Your little one sounds like she's doing great! Mine wasn't walking or drinking from a bottle independently at that age, and now at 4 she's clearing her plate and cup from the table to the sink every night.

[CarrieMF]

ANYWAY, she was throwing herself on the teacher a lot. She said we could use hugs as rewards instead of food etc. So she wouldn't let her hug her until she made eye contact. As soon as she did she would give her a hug and say good eye contact!! I don't think I want hugs as a reward. I think they should be given freely and whenever she wants them.

I agree with the teacher on this. Not necessarily using hugs as rewards but on getting her to stop throwing herself on people. Yeah it's probably cute at 18months, but at 5-6 it isn't. With Autistic kids they get very set in their habits/routines. Even though she is young it is better for her to teach appropriate times for hugs/laying on people & when it isn't appropriate. It is much harder to UNTEACH this when they are older. I work with an 8yo autistic boy who we're trying to unteach this to. Yes it is most likely a sensory thing.

With the bottle I agree with you. If she can't put something in a box yet then try to teach her that but with something else. Why does it have to be the bottle, why can't it start with something else like a block.

I do & don't get the push the button thing down. Yes repetition is how she'll learn. She has to keep doing it until the "video" she makes in her head is If I do this than this thing will happen. Pushing the hands of the person away is typical 18month old behaviour. However when the child is showing frustration like that it is time to move onto a similar process but with something different so they can relate the actions with different objects not just this 1 toy. It is also a process that takes time. She is not going to "get it" in 1 session.

I mean she'll get things (or not) as she gets older anyway. She's not a puppy. I don't feel like "training" her I guess.

She may "get things" as she's older she may not & may have to be trained to do things. Yes sometimes it is like training a puppy.

[Linda on the move]

This is a very non-committal reply.

On one hand, our kids will have to leave their comfort zone to reach their potential. Part of what any therapy is about is pushing them past what they would do any ways. If the therapist isn't pushing them past their comfort zone, then they most likely aren't going to get much out of therapy.

<<I mean she'll get things (or not) as she gets older anyway. >> I don't feel like this at all. I want my DD to have her best life possible, and that attitude wouldn't get her there.

On the other hand, I wasn't there and it's possible that this specific therapist was a bad fit. I get the feeling that most of the people who work with my DD like her, care about, and want what's best for her. It doesn't sound like you got that feeling from her.

I have a hard time telling from the post if the problem was you being uncomfortable with therapy, the therapist, or a little of both.

But I think to be happy with ANY therapist you have to accept that you child needs to be pushed to do things she currently can't and things that are uncomfortable for her. I think that doing so really raises her options in life.

I'm on the other end of this, my DD is 14. I want her to live the most independant, meaningful life possible. Those little skills in EI are the foundation of that.

[babygirlie]

ok, I'm listening guys.

I don't understand pushing her until she cries. I guess I would and have gently pushed her finger or hand and go YAY!!! HUGS!! KISSES! While the teacher does it abruptly and hard and fast. Just looked painful to me, like literally painful with her hand.

I don't understand withholding fluids and how that helps "structure". When we're done drinking we're DONE. Though she said I could give it back in 10 minutes. Seems like unnecessary work. I mean I have a drink at my desk 24/7. When I am done drinking I do not put my cup away and say I'm DONE for now. Seems silly. I can understand not wanting a sippy cup on the floor but she JUST learned to use her bottle on her own. How about when she starts using a sippy cup instead? Maybe this teacher doesn't understand delayed kids but then again isn't that why she's here?

While I don't "click" with the teacher I don't think she's a bad person. Maybe just doesn't hear me. Like she thought she was only eating purees when i have told her three times she ate her first noodle last week. Then ignores me and tells me to teach her how to chew. She can chew fine now she's just new at it.

Hugs.. (personal issue) ....ok growing up I got one hug a year. I don't really blame my mom for that. It was just so rare that when she DID want a hug later it creeped me the hell out and man was it difficult to hug her without it feeling severely awkward and running away afterwards. My mom worked a lot and wasn't around much. I was home alone most of the time. Now even today I don't get hugged enough but that's dh's fault... sorta.. I very rarely hug him but yearn for it 24/7. It's like I can't feel love.

but these are my own issues and I don't want my kid growing up thinking hugs are rare or you have to work for them. i didn't hug my mom willingly until I was 30 and then she was weirded out. (My mom is passed now) My MIL hugs me like 6 times a year (when she sees me) and I feel there's something wrong with her lol. I just don't want my kid having the same f*cked up feelings I do about things. So I do go out of my way to hug her a lot which probably is still not as much as a regular person but how would I know. I grew up extremely secluded and socially I am extremely lacking (the only chatting I do is on here actually). (yeah, pretty sure I'm aspie too)

[marge234]

I'm far from an expert on this stuff but in the past few months of trying to figure out what's going on with our DS and help him I've learned that there are different philosophies on how to work with special needs kids--some are more behavioral, others more relational, others a combination. The person you're dealing with sounds very behavioral. I wouldn't be OK with that.

[nayma]

since you're asking, i'll tell you my honest opinion... ALWAYS, ALWAYS trust your gut, that woman is not a good fit for your daughter, and it sounds like you know it. you are her advocate. just because someone took classes and has two letters behind their name, does not mean they're a good therapist for your child. lots of people have LOTS of theories regarding what's best for your child, and all too often the theories are not rooted in research/"fact"- they are theories these people bring with them from their own sets of morals, upbringings, etc.
it's hard to be a parent who questions the experts. i have gone through this, and will continue to do so. that said, EVERY SINGLE TIME i go against my gut with the dd (4, ASD), i regret it. every single time.
if you want some thoughts on things like forcing eye contact, i suggest you read books written by adults on the spectrum. many will tell you it is literally painful to look someone in the eye, or it is impossible to look and listen at the same time. if your goal is to try to "fix" your child, and make her "look normal," this therapist may be a good fit. but if not, i'd keep looking. good luck either way!! xxxx.

[kathteach]

I don't know if any pp have said this but I think you should talk to the therapist before you go higher up and give her a chance to fix what you don't like about her approach. The therapist is also there for you so you can learn techniques so if you don't like what she's doing she needs to know that and use her other strategies that click with you. It is scary I know, but you will have to do this for the rest of your daughter's life and be her advocate. Depending on her response I think you will be able to see if it really will be a good fit or not. If you and your daughter truly don't fit with her find a new therapist ASAP because it takes so much time to get bonded to your therapist and then time is wasted. (By the way, most therapists use the first session to form a relationship with the child before making demands on them. Personally I think it is weird and counter-productive that your professional did not do that but instead jumped into such challenging expectations.)

My son's first therapist used a "hand-over-hand" approach with my son to get him to comply with clean-up time and it freaked me out. I told her to stop and that I wasn't comfortable with that. To her credit she stopped immediately and told me she was glad I let her know and that she would always respect my wishes. Much later I was able to accept the motoring them through it approach but at the time I was shocked and really kind of disgusted.

It also sounds like this therapist may be using ABA (which I personally hate.) You sound like the kind of mom who might be happier using a DIR/Floortime-based kind of intervention.

PLease keep us updated on what you decide to do.