My husband has been 100% supportive of my desire to try for a homebirth for our first child. We found a midwife whom we both like a lot. She requires us to use a doula, which is an added expense, but something that I had thought about doing anyway.
This is the only part of the homebirth my husband seems concerned about. He thinks he should be able to replicate the support that a doula offers during a birth (I disagree, even though he said, "Couldn't I get some training?"). He totally gets why someone would want a doula in a doctor-attended hospital birth, too, so his concerns are specific to homebirth.
Does anyone know of any books or resources online that have a good description of how a doula works when there is a husband or partner who also wants to be involved in supporting the mother during the birth? I'd like to be able to give him a better idea of what it could mean to have a midwife AND a doula AND a supportive partner present at a birth.
His bottom line is that he doesn't want to spend money on something that makes him feel useless. He said, "What if I offer you support and the doula is handling everything, so all I can do is stand off to the side?" I do agree that the money hurts, but it's required by our midwife, so the best I can do is try to reassure him that there will still be something for him to do.
This is the only part of the homebirth my husband seems concerned about. He thinks he should be able to replicate the support that a doula offers during a birth (I disagree, even though he said, "Couldn't I get some training?"). He totally gets why someone would want a doula in a doctor-attended hospital birth, too, so his concerns are specific to homebirth.
Does anyone know of any books or resources online that have a good description of how a doula works when there is a husband or partner who also wants to be involved in supporting the mother during the birth? I'd like to be able to give him a better idea of what it could mean to have a midwife AND a doula AND a supportive partner present at a birth.
His bottom line is that he doesn't want to spend money on something that makes him feel useless. He said, "What if I offer you support and the doula is handling everything, so all I can do is stand off to the side?" I do agree that the money hurts, but it's required by our midwife, so the best I can do is try to reassure him that there will still be something for him to do.
I feel that saying "I'm having a homebirth" doesn't acknowledge (for me, personally) that I am open to transferring if my midwife and I deem it necessary. So I agree that language is powerful, but this way of phrasing it empowers me (and, again, I know this is not something that would work for everyone) to be happy with a hospital transfer if that happens down the line. But I understand your concerns.
But the money thing. Ouch. It's $1200 if I go with their "preferred" doula. And I'm still not sure how much of the homebirth cost my insurance company is going to cover. They won't cover a doula at all, as far as I can tell.
