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Dh called my side carred crib a death trap.

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
which is strange bc i have been doing it since DD1 was 6 mo old. which was 3 years ago. and this is the first time he has ever said anything like that. the only other hing he ever said was to comment on the right bungy cords to use to hold it to our bed. .

i think it is bc his mother said something when she baby sat. and then the next weekend she came over for DD2 bday. i never leave her nap alone in her crib. i always hear her the moment she wakes up. so she had never fallen out before. but i went to the store and when i got back i heard her crying. DH and his mother said she tried to climb out herself and fell off the bed. they obviously werne't listening for her like i asked cause they would have heard her. i live in a trailer. you can hear her fart in her sleep from across the house. and it was only him, his mother, and the other 3 kids.

so what did i learn. i learned i cant trust anybody. sigh. i just cant leave my kids with anybody else. DH would have been fine alone by himself.

he aso said i only do it cause i am too lazy to get up at night to feed her. well duh. of course i like to sleep. it makes me a better mom to the other kids if i get sleep. but iit is not the only reason. it is also to strengthen the bfing relationship and our parent child bonding.

he never said this stuff before. i think he regrets saying it bc it was during an argument. but still. he might really feel that way or have a doubt now or something.

make me feel better. please. how do you keep your kids in their side carred crib? how do you deal with other people?
post #2 of 14
We have the same set up as you, but dd almost never sleeps in it, she just sleeps in the bed (since about 3 months). She does roll or crawl into sometimes, so I like having it there (I think she rolls into it since she knows it's there). She's fallen off twice, 16 month old now, but our bed is only about 18 inches off the ground so at 10 months we taught her to crawl on and off it. I don't know a single child out of my family and friends that hasn't fallen off something, either the bed or the couch or the stairs (or all three). Seriously. I guess you could always get those bed rails, but I don't know much about them. Sorry they aren't being supportive!
post #3 of 14
Maybe your dh and your mil felt bad about letting your lo fall off the bed, so they were looking for someone/something else to blame (ie the side carred crib), instead of taking the blame themselves because they weren't listening for her. You aren't awful for having a side car crib, and they aren't terrible caregivers because she fell off the bed once. Everyone is ok for the most part it seems.

And, as an aside, if my dh called me lazy for sleeping with my little one, I would have told him that he should be thankful I wasn't so lazy as to make hime do all the nighttime parenting. I suppose that wouldn't be helpful though
post #4 of 14
Thread Starter 
my mil heard my lo cry loud and went to look. instead of picking her up right away, she left her there and went to go get DH to show him that it was in fact dangerous. she actually told me this.
post #5 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by LionessMom View Post
you can hear her fart in her sleep from across the house. and it was only him, his mother, and the other 3 kids.
Umm...I don't think I could hear a baby fart from across a room if there were 5 people there! Kids can be loud! And, my ds has fallen off the bed when I was less than a foot away from him (he's too fast for me!), and he's fine. I think its a bit over-board to say you can't trust anyone.
post #6 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by LionessMom View Post
my mil heard my lo cry loud and went to look. instead of picking her up right away, she left her there and went to go get DH to show him that it was in fact dangerous. she actually told me this.
Lovely.

We have the same get up as you. Crib together on 3 sides, bungeed to the bed. I don't like that there's a small gap in between the two mattresses and another on the other side of the crib. I also don't like the small discrepancy between the mattress heights, but these things haven't actually presented any problems. You *can* get rails for the sides of your bed, but your LO might just climb over them and then have that much more to fall.
post #7 of 14
Tell him to sleep in it then if he's so concerned and bring baby in with you! Surely he's only looking out for the safety of the baby and won't have a problem with the arrangement

Sigh, sometimes our husbands just make me laugh.

But seriously, I feel for you. It's not easy but there is no rule that says that you have to live your life the way that others expect you to.
post #8 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by LionessMom View Post
my mil heard my lo cry loud and went to look. instead of picking her up right away, she left her there and went to go get DH to show him that it was in fact dangerous. she actually told me this.
Ok, this is a little bizarre. Sometimes people can act oddly though when they are upset. I still think maybe she was very upset and thought you/your dh would blame her for not listening well enough, so instead she blamed it on your sleeping arangements. Or maybe she thinks by doing things differently than her, you're judging her parenting choices so this was the perfect oppurtunity for her to feel better about how she did things. Or maybe she is honestly concerned about the baby's safety (even if she shouldn't be, because your sleeping arrangement is fine, and sometimes babies fall, and they can fall lots of different places), so she felt this proved her concern was valid. I don't know, I don't know your mil.

I'm sorry they gave you a hard time about it though . Next time I would just place some pillows/blankets on the floor so she would have a softer landing if she did try to get off herself. You could also get a cheap baby monitor for when others are watching your baby, to make sure they can hear when she wakes up. Or both
post #9 of 14
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie Mac View Post
Lovely.

We have the same get up as you. Crib together on 3 sides, bungeed to the bed. I don't like that there's a small gap in between the two mattresses and another on the other side of the crib. I also don't like the small discrepancy between the mattress heights, but these things haven't actually presented any problems. You *can* get rails for the sides of your bed, but your LO might just climb over them and then have that much more to fall.
i stuffed a pool noodle between the mattress and the crib side. it makes the mattresses snug to each other. and for some reason my crib matress is level with my bed mattress, but you can put foam under it to bring it up. i have mine set to the highest level to make it even.


thanks every body for the support. it means a lot.
post #10 of 14
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by thyra View Post
Umm...I don't think I could hear a baby fart from across a room if there were 5 people there! Kids can be loud! And, my ds has fallen off the bed when I was less than a foot away from him (he's too fast for me!), and he's fine. I think its a bit over-board to say you can't trust anyone.
ok i exaggerated a little. but i can hear her wake up even if i am on the other side of the house, the tv is on and my other kids are all home.
post #11 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by LionessMom View Post
i stuffed a pool noodle between the mattress and the crib side. it makes the mattresses snug to each other. and for some reason my crib matress is level with my bed mattress, but you can put foam under it to bring it up. i have mine set to the highest level to make it even.


thanks every body for the support. it means a lot.
only we used a dense foam block the same length as the crib matress and I made a cover for it. It pushed the crib matress up against ours tightly. I purposely left our crib matress 2 inches lower than ours because I don't want her rolling out of the crib in her sleep. She's almost 9 months old and has fallen off of our bed once, then we practiced crawling to the edge and stoppping with her. Now when she wakes up she crawls to the edge, stops and sits up, and yells for us to come get her.
post #12 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by LionessMom View Post
i stuffed a pool noodle between the mattress and the crib side. it makes the mattresses snug to each other. and for some reason my crib matress is level with my bed mattress, but you can put foam under it to bring it up. i have mine set to the highest level to make it even.


thanks every body for the support. it means a lot.
Great idea! I'm going to go get a pool noodle.
post #13 of 14
OP, I'm not sure how old your LO is but it sounds like she is mobile. When my twins were about 9 months old I taught them to back down off the bed so they could get out safely. As for your MIL, if she really thought it was a "death trap" then why did she leave LO there?
post #14 of 14
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by twinergy View Post
OP, I'm not sure how old your LO is but it sounds like she is mobile. When my twins were about 9 months old I taught them to back down off the bed so they could get out safely. As for your MIL, if she really thought it was a "death trap" then why did she leave LO there?

that is a good question. it has puzzled me.

LO is a year old. i have been teaching her how to back down off the bed, but this time she fell. i know it happens. i know she is ok. but it really hurt my feelings that after 3+ years of doing it like this, that all of a sudden my DH had to say that.
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Mothering › Mothering Forums › Baby › Co-sleeping and the Family Bed › Dh called my side carred crib a death trap.