Need support on figuring out the logistics

[ohblueeyes]

So I told my STBX in early September that I am filing for divorce.

This has been a long time coming and without going into all the details, it's about time I did this for me and my kids.

Since I told him he has "transformed" into a much nicer person to be around and has been much nicer with our two sons, 6.5 and 3.

Hooray for him if he can keep it up. I am still moving on.

I work at a school and earn enough to get a small one bedroom, maybe 2 bedroom apt. and can eek by. It will be very tight financially, but possible.

But, STBX is on worker's comp for a back injury and does not receive enough to support himself let alone pay me any child support. And will likely be in that system for another 6 months or a year.

Do I just go about my business, file for divorce, rent a apartment and move out?

I can't pay for the new place and pay rent on the current place, which is too expensive for me to stay in, or for him to stay in.

But nor do I feel like I can keep waiting or count on him to figure out what he needs to do. Since I told him he has consistently taken the approach of how much he "loves" me and see how wrong he was and how he wants it to work out. He freaked out big time at first and then seemed to realize that he had to take a different approach.

When I talk about moving out and needing to be on my own he has said many times that if I divorce him he will leave the area. Which for me might be a real blessing, but for my kids I of course feel pain at the thought of their dad just leaving them.

I know what I need to do, but it's also very hard for me.

I guess I get that he is not going to "agree" with me. He has said he will tell our kids that I am making him leave, that he doesn't want to, but I am making him, blah, blah - I told him that is inappropriate and puts a burden on the children that will harm them....but it is very likely that he will be inappropriate and that exhausts me and makes me feel very sad.

I guess I'm just reaching out because I feel like I need support to keep moving my plan forward.

And I'm not sure just exactly how to go about it....

Thanks for listening,

Alison

[doubledutch]

yes, move forward with your plans. are you on the lease at your current place? if so, then don't rent another place at the same time if you can't afford the rent. your landlord may be nice enough to let you out of that lease early, especially if you are able to rent your new place from the same landlord. however, if you have a while to go on that lease and your name is on it, you may have to stick it out. you may be able to get it court-ordered that he move out, or that he take over the lease so that you can move out.

[Halfasianmomma]

Have you spoken to a lawyer? I found my consultations very enlightening...

[ohblueeyes]

Thanks Doubledutch - so we are both on the lease, but we are month to month so we just need to give 30 days notice, but we both need to have a place to go.

I will have to have my mom, who lives far away, co-sign on a lease, probably, because I have bad credit right now.

Lots of obstacles, but I'm determined to seperate. There were times that my STBX was extremely volatile and early on two times he blocked me from going out the door. So while he is much better behaved right now I have a lot of stored memories of doing what I thought was fine and him FREAKING out.

I'm doing all I can to stay rooted in the present and see the possibilites for myself and my kids.

It been hard for me to still live with him. I want to move out ASAP.

[ohblueeyes]

Yes. I spoke to a lawyer who said that since there are no real assets, just debt, the only issue is custody.

He anticipates my STBX freaking out when the papers are served even though he knows it's coming.

I am working on buying a used car with a little money my mom is giving me, because right now we have just one car and if he just leaves, I need to be able to get my kids to their schools and myself to work.

It's been harder then I hoped finding the right car and I am feeling bogged down by that, but know it's super important based on past experience when he used to take off and I had to walk/bus the kids. Due to where the kids are in school and where my work is there is no public transpotation option for us.

[doubledutch]

have you talked to your landlord to find out if there's any way for you to give your 30 days and move out, without stbx's cooperation? if you give greater than 30 days (like 45) then your landlord should reasonably be able to give stbx 30 days notice that the landlord is not going to renew the lease and stbx needs to move out *or* sign a new lease taking on full rent.

[provocativa]

gather all important documents ssns, birth certs, in a file. you should consider filing for food stamps as soon as you sign the new lease, and childcare assistance if you're eligible. in my state, the court did not care that xh could not afford a place for himself and our mortgage. he is still paying for stuff, and staying at his sister's house for free. the court may consider that he still needs to pay some of that worker's comp to the kids, and if he has been abusive to you. . . . start saving for the lawyer so you can file. the kids deserve even an extra pittance a month to help them.

[SummerLove]

subbing, because I am in the same boat