Desperate for night weaning help!

[lkmiscnet]

I am at the end of my rope. I have been wanting to wean my 18 mo old for 6 months or more and have been caught on a merry go round and it is negatively affecting my personality. I have posted a couple of other times on the same topic over these many months, but have not progressed. I am sinking into a depression and have been crying often. My marriage is strained and my DH has said my personality has changed the past few months for the worse. I am quick to anger and am just losing it. I have grown into an impatient mother and have not been the best mom to my son because of the stress I feel at wanting to wean and feeling like I'm being held hostage. I actually feel resentment toward him and get angry with him easily now because of the situation. This has got to stop and I have got to successfully wean him.

He is taking in very few solids during the day and nursing through the night to make up for the calories. For example, today, he's had two graham sticks, the size of my pinkie and it's already almost 3pm. I've tried offering him several things and he just whines and pushes them away. He has had some sips of cow's milk in a sippy cup, but that's all he wanted. I presume he is legitimately hungry when he wakes at night, but in order to get him to eat more during the day and to get out of the vicious cycle, I need to stop BFing, first at night and then gradually the rest of the feedings. We have been to a feeding clinic and all 4 specialists agreed about needing to wean him because he is underweight and it's the only way to get him hungry enough to eat more during the day, though that is not why I am wanting to wean. It just further supports my desire to do so.

His schedule now is nursing when he wakes up (he cries if he can't and I am never sure if he will go back to sleep for another hour or so) and then I nurse him to sleep for his nap (we co-sleep) around lunch time. Sometimes, he doesn't fall asleep at the first nap attempt and I end up having to nurse him yet again an hour or two later to try to get him to sleep again for his one main nap. I don't nurse again until bedtime around 8pm, so I sometimes can get a 6-8 hour stretch of not BFing between his nap and bedtime. After nursing him to sleep at bedtime, he wakes up crying about 3 hours later and I nurse him, then another 3 hours later and then he wakes up crying hourly from about 4am until 7am/7:30am until he is finally up for the morning. If I don't nurse him during the night, he cries persistently and I worry about my DH waking and not being able to function at work. He already has to sleep in another room.

We tried having DH sleep with him one night a couple of weeks ago, but after our son cried after his first waking for about 10 min, DH signaled me on the baby monitor to come back. I don't know if trying to night wean is going to entail having to let him cry in DH's arms or mine for as long as need be without my giving in and nursing, but that is what I am uncertain about and worried about. When he wants to nurse, he will push any other options away.

So, I'm in a catch 22. If he's hungry at night and I nurse him, he won't eat during the day. But, if I don't nurse him, he'll be hungry which won't help with him going to sleep. How do I get out of this cycle?

I do not want to continue to BF, so I am requesting that my motives or reasons not be questioned nor advice given on continuing to nurse. I need to wean for the sake of my sanity, my DH, for our son to get enough calories, and to be able to be a loving mom to our DS.

The nightweaning is the most critical thing for me to do first, but I just don't know how it's supposed to go, so if anyone has been through a difficult night weaning process, I would be grateful for your advice. Second step would be to tackle him needing to fall asleep nursing.
Thank you.

[Marissamom]

DD needed to move to her own room before she would nightwean. while we were in the same room/bed she was nursing 6 times a night, she would stir and wake us up, or we would stir and wake us up. in her own room she will wake up once during the the night about 25% of the time or less. she also wakes less often if she's had a higher fat/protein meal about an hour before bed.

(we actually didn't move her with the idea that should would immediately nightwean, but we were ready to be done with cosleeping because no one was sleeping well, it worked out really well for us because everyone is sleeping better, and DF and I have our bed back to the two of us, until the next baby comes)

[annettemarie]

Moving to Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy

[svs79]

Dr. Jay Gordon has a nightweaning method you could try:

http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

Good luck!

[Steph152]

This sounds so familiar, especially when you talk about the personality changes that come with long term sleep deprivation. I had similar issues with DS around the same age. He got up at least 6-8 times every single night, and he almost never went back to sleep without nursing. I'd resented the frequent night nursing for a long time, but I knew that he really was hungry because at 17 months he got very few calories from solids. I was anxious and frustrated, and I felt trapped and claustrophobic nearly all the time. I tried night weaning halfheartedly several times, but I always felt too guilty and tired and just gave in..... until I conceived baby #2. I just couldn't take being up 6-8 times/night anymore with first trimester fatigue, and I finally felt less guilty and got more support from my partner. We used Dr. Gordon's method, with a few tweaks, and things are much better now. It was really hard for a long time though. DS got extremely upset, and DP had to take him into another room at least 1-2 times every single night to calm him down and offer a drink and a snack. DP always offered DS's favorites since it was impossible to get him to eat anything else when he was angry at 2 am. They were often up together for half an hour or longer each time. This went on for weeks, but gradually DS started eating more and more during the day and calming down more easily at night. I recommend Dr. Gordon's plan, like a previous poster, but I was surprised at how long and hard the adjustment was for us. We've stuck to it for several months now, and he usually wakes me up to ask to nurse once, but quickly gives up when I tell him it's too dark and that we'll nurse when there's a little light. Hugs and good luck. I wish I could offer you more because I remember how trapped, lonely and miserable I felt then.