How much of an effort would you make?

[babymango]

Im 30 weeks pregnant and I have a 15 month old son. I've had no complications from the pregnancy, but im feeling very uncomfortable (swelling, back/hip/pelvis pain, heartburn, etc). My toddler is an angel, most of the time, but he IS a toddler.
Now, the problem. My grandmother is dying. She's a 3 hour flight away. It's a matter of days at this point... I would be expected to attend the wake and service when she passes.
I have never been close to this grandmother. Most of the time I forget that I still have grandparents (her husband is alive too). I havent seen either of them more than 3 times in the last 5 years, including my wedding day. I feel no duty to be there for "her" or my extended family, but I feel bad for not being there for my dad even though he's also never been close to his mom.
IF DH had been in town, I would probably make an effort to go. If anything, I miss my parents and my friends from my hometown and would love to see them again. But he's out of town and will not likely be back on time. I just cannot picture myself travelling alone with DS. I have a hard time carrying him at the best of time, there is no way I can drag a suitcase, a stroller, a carseat, etc too. Our families and friends at the other end of the trip don't have little kids, we can't borrow anything, i'd have to bring everything i need. Money is limited and last minute tickets are expensive (even though Delta has deals for this type of situation).
I know there is no real answer to this, but im wondering what other people would do. Is it completely unrealistic to not go?

[AZgirl2207]

I'm sorry you are facing this tough decision.

It is not unrealisitic for you to stay home. Traveling while PG is hard, traveling with a toddler is hard....I certainly wouldn't want to do both at the same time. Even though you have no complications, it's still alot of work to be PG and you need to take care of yourself first.

If your family is going to give you a hard time about not being there, feel free to blame your HCP. Statements like "My OB says it's safer for the baby to not travel" can go along way.

[Ruthla]

I would stay home if I were you.

My grandmother died when DD1 was only 2 or 3 months old, and we WERE close. But it was winter and I'd gone to visit a few weeks before, while she was still alive. My father told me NOT to come- that everybody would understand, and it wasn't a good idea to travel with an infant in such horrible weather.

My 2nd daughter is named after her. I didn't forget Grandma, even though it just wasn't practical for me to attend the funeral.

[greenmulberry]

I would not go. I have a similar relationship with my grandmother and I would not go in your situation.

Considering all you have going on, I think you can opt out. It sounds like the family is not counting on your support, and it would be a big burden for you to go.

[Adaline'sMama]

This grabbed my attention, because my grandmother suffered through the last months of her life during my third trimester of pregnancy. I was very very close to her and made the 6 hour trip to see her 9 times during the last three months, and four more times during my first 4 weeks PP. As someone who has dealt with all of that stress in my last trimester, I wouldnt have done it for anyone else. Not ANYONE. If you arent close to her, dont go. It will stress you out to travel, to see your family members upset, to be around tons of people that will inevitably say the wrong thing to you, ect...
If you want to go home to visit your family and friends, you can go in a couple of months and everyone will be elated to see the new baby.

I think you can totally opt out. The only question is, how will your parents do without your support?