There are a couple of things I just wanted to mention, based on my own experience with my DS (9).
We had a call last year from the school, because DS was bullying someone...him and another boy were putting a third boy in a garbage can. The third boy was asking them to stop and was quite visibly upset. DS was taken to the principal who spoke to him about it, and wanted him to apologize, which DS didn't think he needed to do. They took away his recess for however many days, but the principal called me so that I could talk to him about it as well. When i got the call, I was absolutely floored! I had never witnessed DS bullying someone before, and I had often watched him play...many times without him knowing! He usually plays with anyone and everyone who will play with him. I was trying to think of anything that could have happened that would make him act out this way. It just didn't seem like something that he would do: targeting someone like that! I asked DH to "do bedtime" that night (1/2 hour of quiet reading/chatting time in bed), because he can quite often get to the bottom of things easier that I can. DS explained that the three boys were all taking turns being put in the garbage can, and were having a great time. The third boy decided at some point in the middle of the game that he didn't want to play anymore, but DS (and I assume the other boy) wouldn't stop. A-ha, I thought! This has been a recurring theme and something that DS has always struggled with, and we have learned ourselves that when he gets wound up, it is difficult to get him stopped. This rang true to me! It still looks like bullying, and this doesn't by any means make it ok, but it puts a whole different spin on what happened, and needs to be dealt with in a different way! He either couldn't stop, or didn't understand the "stop sign," and didn't feel an apology was necessary because in his mind they didn't do anything wrong...they were all playing the game! Since this incident (but not because of), DS has had a PDD-NOS diagnosis, which makes this and a few other "smaller" incidents sort of understandable. We know where he's coming from now, and we know that he needs a lot of coaching to see the things that other kids naturally pick up on.
That might not be what you're dealing with...I'm just saying make sure you take everything into consideration, and listen to what your heart tells you about your DD. You know her. Although it looks like bullying (which I think of as looking for a target and going after them), there may be some other circumstances and therefore a different approach to the problem. Just my two cents! Good luck!
For DS's first few years of school, he was apparently (although no one thought to mention it to me) sort of tagged as a potential bully by the teachers. I honestly only heard about a couple of instances, so nothing really serious, but he was treated as an "offender." This year, now with a diagnosis, he still has some of the same issues going on, but it's dealt with differently and more effectively, for him, anyway. A little more of a supportive approach rather than punitive.
