Would you let your child ride the bus in this situation?

[StephandOwen]

DS has been having some issues with drop off at school in the morning. I've always driven him to school and picked him up. This year is the first year we started doing the drop off line (last year we tried but failed miserably so I would park every morning and walk him to his classroom). This year starting on the second day of school we started doing the drop off line. He doesn't get upset with it, but he simply will not willingly get out of the car. The adult has to literally drag him out of the car. He's not screaming or anything, just being obstinate- holding onto the carseat straps, pushing his feet under the seats, etc. When they finally get him out of the car he's fine- puts his backpack on and walks up to his classroom with his adult. No problems at all once he gets out of the car.

I've tried taking away stuff at home if he pulls this crap, I've tried rewarding him if he gets out of the car nicely- nothing works. I sent an email to his special ed teacher and his regular teacher asking if they had any ideas (something we could use to say "if you get out of the car nicely you can....."). Today when I picked up ds we stopped by one of the buses to talk to his special ed teacher. DS kept trying to get on the bus. He's now insisting that he wants to ride the bus.

His special ed teacher kinda joked "well that would solve the morning problem if he rides the bus!".

I had been totally opposed to it. I've seen the buses around here run red lights constantly. In the past 2 years I've seen 3 very close accidents involving buses in our neighborhood because they run red lights.

In the mornings ds is barely awake until we pull into the school. He eats his breakfast in the car on the way to school every morning. If he rides the bus he'll have to wake up sooner and eat his breakfast before leaving the house.

He's rode the bus 3 times in the last 2 years for field trips and he's done great during those. He just rode it for a field trip a couple weeks ago and his teacher said he did great- sat just fine and caused no trouble at all.

I have a bad feeling that if we try the bus, once the honeymoon period is over then he'll start acting up on the bus too and I won't be there to see what's happening (we've had issues with the school saying everything is fine until it gets *really* bad and then suddenly they bring up issues that have been happening for weeks/months that they've never told us about so we couldn't nip it in the bud).

[Eyelet]

My son has autism and rides the bus to school. It hasn't been hassle-free, but overall he really enjoys it.

Maybe give it a try? If serious issues come along later, you can always go back to driving him.

[muldey]

Ds rides the bus,has since kindy(he's in 4th now).We've had a few issues(crying a couple of times,hitting) ,but overall it's been great.Give it a try.Good luck with whatever you choose.

[Lisa1970]

When my children were in public school last year, we stopped using the bus after they almost got run over, literally. And that was not the first incident, just the most severe. The driver had stopped to let them off but as soon as they got off, even though all 4 kids (2 were mine, 2 were neighbors) he closed his little stop sign and started to take off, I started screaming and ran in front of the bus and the kids ran away from the front of the bus and the driver slammed on the breaks. I called the school and totally laid in on it, I called the bus barn, I think the neighbors maybe called too. And I never let them take the bus again.

[Lisa1970]

I know he seems ok once out of the car, but I would look in to that more. Children, once out of the car, usually will resign even if something is wrong, and just go in. So I would also talk to my child more and ask non direct questions about his day "how is Mrs. Abby?" and other questions like that. I know you might not get good answers, but if he seems happy about some teachers and unhappy about others, you will know that something might be wrong.

[Linda on the move]

What about the short bus? My ASD dd can't handle the sensory overload of the regular bus, so if we were doing the bus, it would HAVE to be the short bus.

OR go back to parking and walking him in if that works. My DD is 14 and still gets walked in the door. Last year I had to walk her in holding her hand and take her to the school secretary, but she's past that now. Now she just walks in.

Punishments and rewards have no impact on my DD what so ever. None.

[Emmeline II]

Aside from bus safety issues (though the buses around here seem to behave "themselves), ds' behavior issues prevented him from riding the bus long.

I tried letting him go both ways, but he was too wound up in school. I tried just letting him ride home and that lasted about six weeks before his behavior issues became too much. So most of the year I had to park and drop/pick up... hated that.

This year ds is doing better on medication (and no buses at his new school) and we just do the drop line.

[karne]

Do you know much about the bus he would be taking, ie, who the driver is, who the other kids on the bus are, if there would be a buddy for him to sit with, or connect with, if there have been any issues w/behavior problems or bullying on that particular bus....etc. I'd want to know a bit about those issues.

[StephandOwen]

Thanks for the thoughts everyone! DP and I obviously need to talk to this more before we make a decision.

Originally Posted by karne

Do you know much about the bus he would be taking, ie, who the driver is, who the other kids on the bus are, if there would be a buddy for him to sit with, or connect with, if there have been any issues w/behavior problems or bullying on that particular bus....etc. I'd want to know a bit about those issues.

Nope, I know nothing about it. The positives are I believe he would be one of the last (if not the very last) stop on the way to school (we often follow the bus into the school from our house) and he would be one of the first (if not the very first) stop on the way home from school (we often follow the bus from the school to our house). The few kids he knows from our neighborhood are not riding the bus- their mom drives them and picks them up.

But I don't know much about anything else on that topic.

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

What about the short bus?

I don't think they'll let him ride the short bus. From what I've seen, the only kids who ride the short bus are those in a wheelchair, siblings of those in a wheelchair and there is one older girl who is severely disabled (but not in a wheelchair). I don't think they would let him ride the short bus unless/until he rode the big bus and "failed".

OR go back to parking and walking him in if that works.

I've thought about this but I'm getting a lot of resistance from his school (not his teachers, whom we love, but from others in the school). They make a big deal about how he is a "big boy" and needs to be treated as such and he needs to be encouraged to do what the typical children do

While I don't agree with THAT, it is a lot easier on me to use the car line. Last year when I was dropping him off and I was having to drag him into school they wouldn't help at all until he was physically in his classroom (which is through the building, up the stairs, around a corner and down another hallway). Until he was in his classroom they would say it was my problem to get him there. If I was dragging him down the sidewalk from the parking lot to the building and they saw it but the bell rang before I got his foot in the door- he was marked tardy. I went to the downtown/district office and ripped them a new one about that. At his worst last year, I ended up being late for my school many times (I have an 8am class 2 days a week, his school starts at 7:45).

I am not opposed to walking him in the class though.

Punishments and rewards have no impact on my DD what so ever. None.

DS too. Not sure why I keep trying

[Emmeline II]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

I've thought about this but I'm getting a lot of resistance from his school (not his teachers, whom we love, but from others in the school). They make a big deal about how he is a "big boy" and needs to be treated as such and he needs to be encouraged to do what the typical children do

Well screw that I got a lot of crappy advice from ds' teacher and other staff.

Last year when I was dropping him off and I was having to drag him into school they wouldn't help at all until he was physically in his classroom (which is through the building, up the stairs, around a corner and down another hallway). Until he was in his classroom they would say it was my problem to get him there. If I was dragging him down the sidewalk from the parking lot to the building and they saw it but the bell rang before I got his foot in the door- he was marked tardy. I went to the downtown/district office and ripped them a new one about that. At his worst last year, I ended up being late for my school many times (I have an 8am class 2 days a week, his school starts at 7:45).

If tardiness is still an issue I'd ask (in writing) for a 504 meeting.

If he isn't doing any therapy, I'd look into CBT. Ds goes for help with his social skills and it is finally paying off.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

I've thought about this but I'm getting a lot of resistance from his school (not his teachers, whom we love, but from others in the school). They make a big deal about how he is a "big boy" and needs to be treated as such and he needs to be encouraged to do what the typical children do

While I don't agree with THAT, it is a lot easier on me to use the car line. Last year when I was dropping him off and I was having to drag him into school they wouldn't help at all until he was physically in his classroom (which is through the building, up the stairs, around a corner and down another hallway). Until he was in his classroom they would say it was my problem to get him there. If I was dragging him down the sidewalk from the parking lot to the building and they saw it but the bell rang before I got his foot in the door- he was marked tardy.

I think you need to write a letter to the principal requesting a 504 or IEP meeting about this issue. The school needs to be working WITH him (and you). The school social worker would be a good person to be helping with this.

The schools lack of assistance is totally unacceptable. There is a serious problem here that that are refusing to working with.

Physically forcing him is a VERY short term plan. Soon, you aren't going to be able to do that and right now no foundation is being laid to help with that.

My DDs 504 had accommodations related to her difficulty walking through the door.

[beachcomber]

I think you need to write a letter to the principal requesting a 504 or IEP meeting about this issue. The school needs to be working WITH him (and you). The school social worker would be a good person to be helping with this.

Yes. This.

I also agree with the PP who said that the school staff pressuring you to let him be a "big boy" and "like the typical kids" can just bite their tongues. Seriously. People who don't LIVE this live with our unique kids really have No. Idea. what they're talking about.

If I were in your shoes, I'd stop and think "what will benefit him most right now?" and go with that. What does he need to get through his day? If it's being driven by you and led to class by you, then so be it. Maybe he'll be ready for more independence next year. Or maybe not. You just have to keep in mind that he's not like "them" and try (despite the pressure) not to compare him.

I should talk, though. i have a hard time with that myself. Hugs to you Mama. You have his best interests at heart.

[StephandOwen]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

I think you need to write a letter to the principal requesting a 504 or IEP meeting about this issue.

He has an IEP meeting coming up next month. This will be one of the topics discussed, which is why I need to decide what I'm comfortable with and what I want before we go into this meeting.

[Guinevere]

I feel for you -- I was also one of those parents who swore I would never let Sophie ride the bus. And last year, I didn't -- she was a non-verbal 3 yo last year, and there was NO scenario on the planet that would have made me comfortable with that. But a few things have happened since then, the greatest of which being that she had a language explosion over the summer and now talks up a storm, and now that she lets her opinions be known, she talks about riding the bus ALL THE TIME, so I reluctantly agreed to try letting her ride home from school every day this year.

Turns out, she absolutely loves it. She's not on a short bus, either, and the ride home takes an hour (!!!!), which again, I initially freaked out about (and the school is only 4 miles from our house, what on earth?), until I realized that she was napping for almost the entire hour's ride and it was the only nap she will now take. So now I pack a travel pillow in her backpack every day and she wakes up at the end of the ride, refreshed and super cheerful. Had you told me that this would all work out well at the beginning of the year, though, I would never have believed it. It was definitely something we needed to try out to see if it would be a fit or not.

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

I had been totally opposed to it. I've seen the buses around here run red lights constantly. In the past 2 years I've seen 3 very close accidents involving buses in our neighborhood because they run red lights.

Now this would concern me, too. Do you have any way of getting the safety statistics on buses for your school district? We live in one of the largest school districts in the country (in the top 30), and while I'm sure there must be better or worse drivers in a system this large, I've never observed this behavior from the school buses, and they're everywhere in town b/c there are so many of them.

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

In the mornings ds is barely awake until we pull into the school. He eats his breakfast in the car on the way to school every morning. If he rides the bus he'll have to wake up sooner and eat his breakfast before leaving the house.

If it would help him to sleep on the bus for that extra time, you could pack him a small pillow and just let him rest, and then he could be allowed to eat something small once he gets to the classroom. Or let him eat his breakfast on the bus -- Sophie has eaten an afternoon snack on the bus several times due to scheduling issues, and the driver had no issues with it. If they have a general policy against food on the bus, you could get it put in writing that he needs to be allowed to eat then.

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

I have a bad feeling that if we try the bus, once the honeymoon period is over then he'll start acting up on the bus too and I won't be there to see what's happening (we've had issues with the school saying everything is fine until it gets *really* bad and then suddenly they bring up issues that have been happening for weeks/months that they've never told us about so we couldn't nip it in the bud).

I would engage in direct conversation with the bus driver to avoid problems cropping up that you're not made aware of -- I'm sure the driver would tell you what's going on, provided your DS is near enough to notice. I will say that both the aide and the driver on Sophie's bus are super nice, it's always the same two people who drive her every day, and they often tell me, unsolicited, whether or not she fell asleep or what she did during the ride. Now because she's still in preschool, there aren't many kids on her bus, so I'm sure it's not hard for them to pay attention to her, which I know wouldn't be the case for you, but the driver could still have him sit nearby so he/she could keep better tabs on him.

I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do -- I think it might be worth a shot, though, to see how it works out. If it's not a good fit, you can always go back to dropping him off or taking him in.

Kind regards,
Guin

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by StephandOwen

He has an IEP meeting coming up next month. This will be one of the topics discussed, which is why I need to decide what I'm comfortable with and what I want before we go into this meeting.

At the IEP meeting, you can have it put in writing that there will be a follow up meeting in 4 weeks to assess how the plan is working.

That way, whatever you decide has time to play out, and you have a chance to request something different if it really isn't working.

GOOD LUCK!. This is a difficult thing to deal with daily, and what works for each child is different.