Visiting relatives who dont childproof...

[cristeen]

I could really use some tips here. We're supposed to go to nana's tomorrow for her bday and for whatever reason it didnt occur to me until late last night that this is going to be an issue. Their house is extremely not childfriendly, and hes at an age where hes into everything. Im not planning on staying long anyway, because they said to be there at 3, which means we likely wont be eating before 7, and DS' bedtime is 7. And i have no intention of spending my entire Saturday chasing him off everything and dealing w the frustrations that follow.

So, anyone have any brilliant ideas? The cat food i know is going to be a problem - ive dumped it twice myself, because its in the middle of everything... And ds is at a stage where he likes to eat it. I just dont know how this is going to fly... We havent been there since he became mobile.

[AllyRae]

IMO, I've always lived by the rule that it's not anyone else's job to change their way of life for my children. We visit a lot of people who have things my kids are allergic to out, do not have things that are childproofed, etc. I do spend my entire time dealing with it, but these are my kids and I am responsible for them. If there is something out (like a really expensive glass object or something), I'll suggest that it gets put up or I'll ask the host if they can shut the door to the room so that it doesn't get broken. But otherwise, I make sure my children are safe and not destructive.

MIL's house is not childproofed--they have a large banister in their split level that can easily fit a 3-4 year old child through it, and the child would then go crashing to the level below. Rather than say "my kids aren't coming over until you childproof that banister", I am on my children like hawks to keep them safe, or I have them go outside and play. There are breakables everywhere, but I keep them out of that area of the house. Kind of a PITA, yeah. But in 7 years, they've never broken anything or fallen through the banister, and it's less chaotic than what one would imagine. I just use a lot of redirection, a lot of making sure my kids have things to do to stay entertained, and they do a lot of playing outside. :

And if meals are being served late, I usually always pack something for my kids so they don't get too hungry. I guess I hate feeling like I'm imposing on others, so I just give the kids a bit less freedom and run of the house than they're used to. It's only for a day or two and then we're back home where they can be wild.

[Kuba'sMama]

well the cat food i would just asked me to be moved for the duration of your visit. The cat won't starve in 3 or 4 hours. Isn't there maybe a spare room or guest room that's more or less "okay" that you can spend most of the time in? can you bring a blanket and some toys can be spread out somewhere for an improvised playarea? maybe the grandma has some tupplewares, plastic or wooden utensils that can entertain for a bit (something different, right?) would the relatives not be excited to entertain him themselves, passing him around so to speak, bouncing on the knee kind of thing?

Oh and by not child-friendly do you mean like precious antiques displayed everywhere? or like unsafe/unsanitary?

[crunchy_mommy]

We seem to often end up at homes that aren't child-friendly (we don't babyproof our own home really but it is still very toddler-friendly, there are no breakables or dangerous chemicals etc.) and it doesn't end up being much of an issue. Sometimes we will clear out a space (which just consists of moving the glass bowls off the coffee table or something) so DS can play more freely. Or we spend a lot of time outdoors. Or we just follow DS around and keep him from getting into too much trouble. How old is your DS? My DS would never tolerate a playpen but if your little guy is more mellow you could try bringing one along... or bring a pressure-mount baby gate to help keep him from the worst areas of the house... I find DS often clings to me anyway when we go somewhere he hasn't been, so he isn't off causing destruction as long as we make sure he also gets enough exercise beforehand...

[lifeguard]

Ime with ds even people who have children &/or have childproofed it's never 100% for every child - 'cause each child is unique in which things they are interested in getting into.

I'd put the food up, quite frankly I wouldn't even ask. I also have no problems moving an expensive bowl or vase of flowers or ....

I'd also probably show up a little bit late, especially if you have any plans of staying to eat.

I try to go prepared with toys & food & drink for ds but must admit I often fail.

I agree with pp though that at this stage it is often not relaxing to go to other people's homes.

[cristeen]

By not friendly, i mean a 3 bedroom nhabited by 3 adults and their lifetime of accumulated stuff. Floor to ceiling shelves in every room. There is not one safe room in the entire house, and no way to gate it off either (open floor plan).

Theres liable to be upwards of a dozen people crammed into this small living space with junk food spread at baby eye level. Really, itd be safer in the gravel driveway - there he can only eat rocks, but the weatherman is predicting 5 inches of rain tomorrow.

DS is 13 mos, and he'll be the only child under 20. He's never tolerated a playpen, and he's not yet at the point of understanding no, but past the point of easily redirected. He's extremely singleminded.

Im just really dreading having to be on high alert every moment for fear of him getting into something breakable or dangerous.

[Drummer's Wife]

Yeah, it's probably not going to be the greatest time for you, b/c you will have to be right there with your DS all the time making sure he's not getting into something dangerous/breakable. I guess it depends, too, on what you mean by not child-proofed. We don't child-proof, but of course, having four children means we don't have say, knives laying out in reach, or anything. But it can be a pain, especially with multiple LO's, to keep an eye on them in a less than ideal house/situation.

Will he stay in a baby carrier on your back for awhile? Even at 3, my youngest would tolerate it at least for a short amounts of time. Especially if there wasn't a lot of kid stuff/toys available for him. Speaking of, definitely pack things to keep him occupied. Do you have a clip on highchair or portable booster seat? That could keep him at the table playing with blocks or eating or whatever while you visit with the adults.

eta: I see your reply now. That sounds challenging, for sure. I'd try to make the stay short. Good luck!

[Toposlonoshlep]

Originally Posted by AllyRae

IMO, I've always lived by the rule that it's not anyone else's job to change their way of life for my children. We visit a lot of people who have things my kids are allergic to out, do not have things that are childproofed, etc. I do spend my entire time dealing with it, but these are my kids and I am responsible for them. If there is something out (like a really expensive glass object or something), I'll suggest that it gets put up or I'll ask the host if they can shut the door to the room so that it doesn't get broken. But otherwise, I make sure my children are safe and not destructive.

Yep. This. We spent no time childproofing our own house, but instead spent time playing with our son and never leaving him alone. As a result he has learned what is safe and what isn't. If I tell him he might get hurt somewhere, he will retreat, because he understands that being hurt is no fun. I don't scare him away from anything, just explain to him in detail that hot things burn, sharp things cut, and heavy things can fall. I want him to be prepared for the world and I don't want to waste time and energy childproofing the world.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife

Will he stay in a baby carrier on your back for awhile? Even at 3, my youngest would tolerate it at least for a short amounts of time.

This is what I was just about to suggest!

If possible, just plan to go for an hour or two. Get him good & worn out before heading over there, and put him in the carrier before you even walk in the door. Wear him as long as he'll tolerate it (so you can get some calm, chatting time in) and then when he gets restless, let him down and give him a snack. Once he starts getting too antsy, say your goodbyes...

[rightkindofme]

We take turns socializing. One parent is on 100% kid duty and all they do is follow the kid around intervening. It's a way to stay connected with people but honestly the parties aren't usually that fun.

[mamazee]

I'd keep him in a sling as much as possible and then take turns tailing him.

[Chamomile Girl]

Originally Posted by Toposlonoshlep

Yep. This. We spent no time childproofing our own house, but instead spent time playing with our son and never leaving him alone. As a result he has learned what is safe and what isn't. If I tell him he might get hurt somewhere, he will retreat, because he understands that being hurt is no fun. I don't scare him away from anything, just explain to him in detail that hot things burn, sharp things cut, and heavy things can fall. I want him to be prepared for the world and I don't want to waste time and energy childproofing the world.

Hahahahahahahahaha! This would never fly with my kid. He loves things that might hurt him...the more danger the better. Can we trade?

Originally Posted by rightkindofme

We take turns socializing. One parent is on 100% kid duty and all they do is follow the kid around intervening. It's a way to stay connected with people but honestly the parties aren't usually that fun.

This is what we do too. One person is on "kidwatch" and the other is drinking wine and eating canapes. Its no fun for sure, but its only for a couple of years. And I totally understand the frustration that its been so long since everyone in the family has dealt with kids that they just don't get it. Nor do they care to.

[texaspeach]

Originally Posted by Toposlonoshlep

Yep. This. We spent no time childproofing our own house, but instead spent time playing with our son and never leaving him alone. As a result he has learned what is safe and what isn't. If I tell him he might get hurt somewhere, he will retreat, because he understands that being hurt is no fun. I don't scare him away from anything, just explain to him in detail that hot things burn, sharp things cut, and heavy things can fall. I want him to be prepared for the world and I don't want to waste time and energy childproofing the world.

that would not work around here. at all. you must either have your furniture already bolted to the wall or you don't have a climber. also, a 13 month old doesn't have the ability to comprehend that a hot stove can hurt him even if he has burned himself on it. their brains have not yet reached that developmental stage.

[texmati]

Yeah... I think that you just have to literally be on top of him the whole time. You can't expect everyone to childproof.

[Norasmomma]

Originally Posted by rightkindofme

We take turns socializing. One parent is on 100% kid duty and all they do is follow the kid around intervening. It's a way to stay connected with people but honestly the parties aren't usually that fun.

Yep, it sucks but this is life with a toddler. I remember the Thanksgiving my DD was 14 months, my mom had cups of scissors, sharpened pencils, a burning wood stove and a million other things all at baby level. We have a pic DH took and I look tired and peeved. It's funny now, but OMGosh then I was ready to lose it.

[notneb]

Originally Posted by cristeen

I could really use some tips here. We're supposed to go to nana's tomorrow for her bday and for whatever reason it didnt occur to me until late last night that this is going to be an issue. Their house is extremely not childfriendly, and hes at an age where hes into everything. Im not planning on staying long anyway, because they said to be there at 3, which means we likely wont be eating before 7, and DS' bedtime is 7. And i have no intention of spending my entire Saturday chasing him off everything and dealing w the frustrations that follow.

So, anyone have any brilliant ideas? The cat food i know is going to be a problem - ive dumped it twice myself, because its in the middle of everything... And ds is at a stage where he likes to eat it. I just dont know how this is going to fly... We havent been there since he became mobile.

Honestly, I would revise your expectations. You probably will spend the whole day chasing your son around, keeping him and your relatives' belongings safe.

I've been there, it sucks, but there isn't really anything to be done about it, other than arranging to trade off baby duty with your partner or other willing relatives so that you can have a little time to visit in peace. Eventually visiting people whose houses aren't baby-proofed will be much easier, but not while you have a mobile, impulsive toddler.

[cristeen]

By the "frustrations that follow", I actually meant the screaming meltdowns, not my frustrations. *I* can deal with frustration, he can't.

And like a pp said, at 13 mos, he is not capable of understanding when I tell him he'll hurt himself. Any more than he is capable of controlling his impulses to poke and bite everything in sight. He absolutely will not stay on my back if I'm not moving (by which, I mean walking, not jiggling), and going for a "short" period of time really depends on your definition of short, since it's an hour drive each way just to get there.

And for the record the extent of our babyproofing has been a lock on the undersink counter, a couple pieces of cardboard to keep him from pushing the buttons on the cable box and a few baby gates to keep him contained to the front of the house. We haven't gone around padding the world for him, but we have restricted his movement so that he can't unplug all the computers, eat kitty litter or turn on the (gas) stove and blow us all up. We removed anything breakable to a higher level, and redirect him from destroyable things (like the bookshelves). I just know that nana's house is way beyond easily redirectable...

But it is in fact a moot point... nana called today and said she realized that this was not going to work to be comfortable for any of us, so she cancelled and they will come up here on Halloween to spend time with him in a bit safer environment.

[Chamomile Girl]

Originally Posted by cristeen

But it is in fact a moot point... nana called today and said she realized that this was not going to work to be comfortable for any of us, so she cancelled and they will come up here on Halloween to spend time with him in a bit safer environment.

Your family rocks. Mine never got the memo...plus we "live too far away" for anyone to come here (including my mother!)...but its ok for us to travel to their (unchildproofed) houses every two weeks . Did I mention your family is awesome?

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by cristeen

But it is in fact a moot point... nana called today and said she realized that this was not going to work to be comfortable for any of us, so she cancelled and they will come up here on Halloween to spend time with him in a bit safer environment.

Oh you must be relieved!!!

Feel free to say 'no' when something like this comes up again. You don't have to accept invitations to do things that make you uncomfortable & miserable!! DS is so clingy that I never really had the issues you were anticipating but one thing we did have issues with was long car rides. So, until recently, we refused invitations to visit people who were more than 20 minutes away. We did make efforts to invite those same people to our house or neutral territory (park/zoo), but I refused to but DS (and therefore the entire family!) through the agony of a long car ride. So, just encouraging you to speak up when you're truly uncomfortable with something!

[DevaMajka]

Yay for your family OP!

Originally Posted by Chamomile Girl

Hahahahahahahahaha! This would never fly with my kid. He loves things that might hurt him...the more danger the better. Can we trade?

For real!
We haven't "babyproofed" in the sense that most people take it to mean (buying contraptions meant to hold doors shut, etc). But we have an area where there is nothing that ds can break or get hurt on (well, we try. He still finds stuff).

I simply won't take him somewhere if people aren't willing to put up breakable things or things he can get hurt on. Nah, totally not worth the stress for me, and ds having fit after fit (each complete with headbanging). They don'y have to "babyproof" (which to me is just moving things that can get harmed or cause harm), but I don't have to go.
My MIL didn't put anything away before we came last time. She was more than willing to, but wanted to see just how much would need to be put away. We just put away stuff as it became apparent that it would be a problem.