Help me school my mother. I don't know how to tell her that how I am parenting is good for my babe. Actually I have tried, but I can't get through to her in a way she can accept or understand. Maybe it's impossible. She was born in 1927, had her kids in the 50's and 60's- she didn't BF, had us on a schedule etc. I'm sure she meant well, but I have to face it she is not the most attached mom. Well I am! It's not just a conscious choice, it is my instinct, and if she tells me to CIO, start formula, put her in her crib (never used) or "put that baby down" one more time I am going to lose it. Today we were on a walk and dd started crying so I picked her up out of the stroller (the only reason she is in the stroller and not on me is she has boots and a brace for her club feet and the only way I've found to wear her is the Bjorn and I'm not willing to do that too much). Of course dd stopped crying and my mom lays into me about spoiling her. She has also accused me of spoiling her by: feeding her, letting her sleep on me, and giving her naked time. She also keeps suggesting that I try a little bourbon in a bottle with milk to get her to nap
. I can't take it, but my relationship with my mom is really important to me. She's 83 holy cow and lives in my town now to be near me and my family and I need help. How do I explain it to her? She thinks I am a wimp, not making choices, not being a strong parent. Not only am I making choices about how I parent, I couldn't do it any differently because it is not my instinct to put the baby down. My mom is very smart, just set in her ways. I do think she will listen to me if I can find a less emotional way to respond to her, or if I can give her something short and succint to read... any suggestions, links, thoughts? I've got to do something more than stammer and cry in the street like I did today.
. I can't take it, but my relationship with my mom is really important to me. She's 83 holy cow and lives in my town now to be near me and my family and I need help. How do I explain it to her? She thinks I am a wimp, not making choices, not being a strong parent. Not only am I making choices about how I parent, I couldn't do it any differently because it is not my instinct to put the baby down. My mom is very smart, just set in her ways. I do think she will listen to me if I can find a less emotional way to respond to her, or if I can give her something short and succint to read... any suggestions, links, thoughts? I've got to do something more than stammer and cry in the street like I did today.
- what's important is that you set the boundary, tell your mom you know that she loves you enough to respect it, that you would never talk about this unless it was EXTREMELY important to you, and you know that she, your mother, probably just didn't realize it was upsetting and leave it at that. If she doesn't respect the boundary, you need to draw back from the relationship so she realizes the impact of her words.
I think that is exactly right -- focus on your relationship with your mom, not on changing her mind and teaching her about AP stuff in the hope that she might agree with you and be supportive. At 83, she's probably not going to change her mind on a lot of things she's believed for so long. All you can do is keep on parenting the way you want and try to maintain a good relationship with her despite your differences.
