Feeling stressed about daycare - help me feel better!

[IshaMT]

First off, I live in a pretty rural area with very limited options for childcare. The place I decided on is supposedly the best in the area and was highly recommended by a coworker of my husband's. The daycare is a one-room, old school house with 12 kids ranging from babies to 5 year olds. However, mine will be the only baby on MWF.
My main concerns:
-With everyone being in one room, I don't how my little 4 month old girl will take a morning nap. Everyone takes a nap from 1-3, but she will need a morning nap. My daughter is a super light sleeper and only really sleeps in her carrier. She has never slept in a crib or pack-n-play, which she will be expected to sleep in there.
-I worry about what she will be doing all day long with all other kids being so much older. I worry she will just be in a bouncer or swing.
-There are only two adults! The ratio requirements here are far larger than most (not sure what exactly it is)
- My biggest worry is that she does not take a bottle! I have three more weeks to work on this, but I am terrified she will be crying all day long, refusing the bottle. It terrifies me and makes me want to cry With there only being two caregivers and so many other kids I am afraid they will be unable to give the necessary time and patience to give her the bottle.

Any reassurance or encouragement would be greatly appreciated because I am so worried about this. This is my first baby and the day care is far, far from my ideal daycare, but unfortunately the best choice I have at the moment.

[Renai]

Can you tell us what you're other options are? I'm a home childcare provider, so can only give you my experience in my state (NM). A 1:6 ratio would be standard for a licensed childcare home in my state with only 2 allowed to be under the age of 2. It can be licensed up to 12 with up to four children under the age of 2 with a second person. A licensed daycare is the same, but most try to keep the under-2 numbers low.

However, nap time- babies eventually get used to the noise (although I say this with only 5 in my care not 12!) and will sleep when tired. Is there a separate sleeping area for this purpose? I have an infant that I transitioned from her "preferred" sleeping place, and when she got used to extra bustle, moved her to where she needed to be. She did fine (she was 6 months old at the time).

Is there an area for the infants? Have you been able to observe how they interact with all the children when infants are there? Now, I have a small area, but can set up my now-7 month-old childcare child in a boppy right next to where the other wee ones are playing (ages 16 months, 2, and 4) and all have a good time. Each child is still able to get developmentally appropriate activities. Since she'll be the only infant on some days, are they willing to sling-carry her periodically-- she is pretty young. I can't carry mine all the time, but feel it is important for them to feel secure.

The bottle- my daughter wouldn't take a bottle either. Can you try a cup, and is that school willing to use a cup with her?

Gotta go right now, if I think of anything else, I'll try to post at another time.

[GuildJenn]

For the nap, I would give them a few weeks to work it out. It's amazing how different caregivers and kids can work it out, or find quiet corners. For what it's worth my son was ONLY falling asleep in the Ergo for naps when I got a nanny and she gently (I was working from home and could hear) got him to go down by rocking within 3 days. Not that he would do it for me.

For what she'll be doing, I would ask - but I think a multi-age environment is great for kids; they have lots to observe and try out. I would also ask if the caregivers will wear her - that's a nice way for her to be included.

That could be a tough ratio, depending on the other kids. I would ask how they manage breaks, diaper changes and so on.

Keep trying with the bottle and if you can experiment with different nipples that may help - I speak in ignorance on this one though; my son never took one (I was lucky enough to be home enough though) and went straight to a sippy. Three weeks seems like a pretty good lead to me ignorantly. Can your partner help with that?

[Super~Single~Mama]

I just wanted to say that even though this place is rumored to be the "best" doesn't necessarily mean that it will be the best fit for your family. Have you checked out the other daycares? Even though theres a limited number of options, you may find that you like a different place better.

[IshaMT]

Thank you everyone for your encouragement! As far as other options here in this town, there is one other day care facility, but they only take kids above 2 years. The coworker I mentioned also went to a few people's homes that offer day care and described a series of dark and dingy trailer homes - not something I even want to go check out myself.

One thing I did not mention is that I split my work time between home and an office an hour away. The office is in a much bigger city with lots of options there. However, I need the option of the daycare close by for when I am working at home. I am sure I will sometimes keep her home while I work, but I do not think I could be productive and I have a lot of work to do when home. If the daycare I am planning on is awful (which I don't think it will be) or not working out for some reason I will look for something near my office. In the meantime I really think I need to have her taken care of in the area of my home. I hate being so far away and knowing that she will be there for two extra hours each day due to my commute alone. However, sometimes I am only at the office a few hours and then can go pick her up. So, she will rarely be there for long full days. And my husband works near our home so will always be close by if there were a problem.

As far as the bottle I am going to try a cup if the bottle isn't working after this week. I think they would be okay with this. I have had my husband helping me out, but no success with that.

I am going to go to the day care this week on the day the other infant is there. He wasn't there when I went last week. I am looking forward to seeing what he's doing when all the other kids are running around. There's not a designated infant area there, but I think they may put up a barrier of some sort. I will also bring up the idea of wearing my baby. I am doubting they'd be into it, but who knows.

[monkeymama09]

Are you in the room when your husband tries to give your daughter a bottle? I know sometimes if they even know you are near by, they won't take a bottle that they otherwise would. I was worried about the same thing when I went back to work, even the day before I returned I still wasn't sure my son would take the bottle from my husband. I stayed glued to my phone all day, but it never ended up being a problem.

Also, depending on your daycare's policies, could she spend some days at the rural daycare and some days at a city daycare. I know it mixes it up for her a bit but I've heard of some babies not having a problem with that. I know the daycare we're eventually planning to use will accommodate us as long as we have set days we're going to bring my son in. That way, on the days you are in the city, if you have a chance to head over and nurse DD, you can.

Good luck! I soooo know the anxiety you must be feeling over this transition.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by monkeymama09

Are you in the room when your husband tries to give your daughter a bottle? I know sometimes if they even know you are near by, they won't take a bottle that they otherwise would. I was worried about the same thing when I went back to work, even the day before I returned I still wasn't sure my son would take the bottle from my husband. I stayed glued to my phone all day, but it never ended up being a problem.

Have your dh try when you are GONE - like at the store for 3 hours gone. Or go out with your girlfriends for an afternoon. You can stay close by if she refuses for a half hour, or 45minutes, but if you're in house she knows about it!

[Girlprof]

I know this is really hard. Four months is so little. I just wanted to share our very positive experience of mixed ages care. My daughter's daycare ranges from 4 months to 3.5 years. The older kids learn quickly how to be careful of the babies. Many of them adore playing with the little ones and of course, the babies are thrilled to have so many "big kids" around to watch.

Many of the parents at our place have tried to encourage babywearing, but that hasn't gone anywhere. The teachers all say, we've been doing this for years, it's too late to teach an old dog a new trick. Well, if I were the old dog, I would learn this new trick but I have to say, these "old dogs" have a lot of tricks up their sleeves and it works out. The babies always get attention first because you can tell a two year old to wait a sec, but not a baby.

The bottle issue is tough and it's hard to predict how that will play out, but three weeks is a lot of time to work on something. Good luck!

[momtoTnT]

On the bottle issue - my dd never ever took a bottle ever - no matter what was tried -- every nipple imaginable, sippy cups, syringe feeding, spoon feeding - she wanted it straight from the tap and that was that. She gagged on any type of artificial nipple (including pacifiers). She would drink water from a cup, but not BM. We even tried formula once or twice because we thought maybe it would be different enough - she just gagged on it.

What she ended up doing is reverse cycling - which honestly wasn't horrible since we co-slept. She pretty much nursed from the time I got home from work until it was time for bed, then every 2 hours all night long - it got her through the day at daycare - once her DCP and I both realized she was fine, we stopped stressing and then it WAS fine. But it is frustrating to go through.

I don't have any advice on the other issues though except to say that your LO will probably learn to sleep through the noise.