I don't like infants :(

[neonalee]

Am I the only one? I don't like this total dependency stage. Guessing what he needs/wants. I love my boy, I do. I just really, really wish he could move around on his own and tell me what he wants. I wish I felt more like he "loved me". That doesn't really express what I mean ... it's hard to put into words. I mean, he smiles at me and we 'play' and I feed him and everything, but I feel like I'm only here to meet his needs. Does that make sense? I understand just how important that is. He's not even 3 months yet. When does the relationship start to change? Or am I missing something?

Also, whenever I say I wish he walked/talked other moms always correct me - oh no you don't! you won't be saying that when he's older! enjoy it now before they are running around and talking back! That's always the response! Except from my mom She says she was the same way with us!

[P.J.]

For me things really started to change when my baby was about three months. He was already smiling by then, but that's when he became much more interactive and social and we could really play together. It's also when he started to interact a little with toys, and he also got more mobile and was rolling over by then too.

But I do know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a rush for him to grow up just so I can regain the slightest fragment of my own independence back. And boy do I ever understand wishing he could talk and tell me what he needs ~DS is a pretty fussy little guy and it can be real annoying, and heartbreaking at times, not knowing what's making him so unhappy. For now I'm trying to teach him sign language and I hope in a few months he'll start using it and we can have a bit more communication that way.

Even without me saying anything, so many people have told me to enjoy his infancy as it goes by so fast, blah blah. But the one thing I do know is that we'll never be so physically close again in his whole life, so that part I really do try to appreciate. Even if he's super cuddly as a kid, he won't be sleeping in my bed or BFing anymore, which provide so much closeness. And all those people who've told me that know from experience and say it with a wistful longing so I trust I'll miss his infancy too some day. But no, I probably won't miss all his fussing and crying for no known reason and yes I will appreciate being able to go out and have my own life back again once he's older.

....so for me it's really a balance.

[Super~Single~Mama]

The best age so far is RIGHT NOW! My ds is 21mo, and he's SO FUN! He's talking, and learning his letters! It's great!

I LOVED the infant stage though, it was so wonderful to hold such a tiny little baby, and to nurse him tons. I just loved it. I'm the ONLY one of my friends that liked it though! the ONLY one - all the rest of my mom friends hated the infant stage - so you definitely aren't the only one!

Don't feel bad, and my advice would be to get out of the house with him as much as possible so that you can see your friends, and do your thing - since that gets harder as they get older!

[Annie Mac]

I don't think you're alone in this. I felt the same with my first, always looking out for the next stage and wanting her to be more a kid than a baby. But with my second, totally different. This one is 6 months old now, and I can't believe how fast she's growing. I wish time would slow down a little! It's the one time they really really really need you -- like not having you around would signify death, at least from an evolutionary standpoint. They're programmed to cling. Either you enjoy it or you don't, but either way, this phase will be over before you know it and your LO will be onto something new!

[lifeguard]

Not everyone loves the baby stage, just like not everyone loves having a toddler or a 10 year old or a teenager. That's ok.

The good news is this stage goes by reallllly fast.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by lifeguard

Not everyone loves the baby stage, just like not everyone loves having a toddler or a 10 year old or a teenager. That's ok.

The good news is this stage goes by reallllly fast.

It certainly didn't feel like it at the time, but now I really wish I could go back to the good moments! When things are going well (the moments you find you love having your sleeping lo in your arms, etc) try to really slow down and imprint those moments into your brain. Stop doing the laundry to see the smiles, b/c there will be a day when your toddler is SCREAMING AT YOU b/c they WANT SOMETHING NOW that they aren't allowed to have, and you will miss the days she didn't know scissors existed. Trust me!

It's completely ok to vent too - thats why we're all here!!! It feels like its a lifetime going by and they need need need, but now that its gone, it feels like it just FLEW by!

[starlein26]

What you're feeling was also my experience. If you enjoy reading, I recommend 'The birth of a mother' by Daniel Stern as well as Mother Nature by Sara Hrdy.

I didn't "feel" like a mother until my son was close to 2 (although I nursed on demand, we co-slept, I learned to read his cues and respond warmly). I thought something was wrong with me. But, it's ALOT to learn. Mothering a helpless child for the first time in your life is a tremendous and exceedingly dynamic job.

I don't think there's a magic number where everything will suddenly fall into place and make sense, per se. Raising children is a little too dynamic for that. BUT, I think you will gain in confidence over the coming months. Once you feel self-efficacious, you will feel better, more in control.

[octobermom]

I had a huge inner party the day my LOs learned to sit up on their own
I love newbies but there is just sucha huge relief and change when they gain just a bit of independance..

Though yea there are times like when I'm arging with my 7 year old over XYZ that I don't think hey you were soo much easier BEFORE you could walk and talk..

ANd times when I've been touting a 17lbs infant around the house or getting the toy that's always JUST ouuta her reach 5,000 times or her crying for no apprent reason at 5pm that I dont think.. more movement and words would be nice.

Deanna

[sparklefairy]

I understand. While I loved the infant phase, there have been others that I have really not enjoyed as a parent (ie I enjoy observing children that age but don't like to be in charge of them). I really really enjoy my big kids! But can think of a lot of ways in which the tinies were easier. But more confining for me for sure.

One thing that really facilitated connection for me when they were tiny (though I didn't realize it at the time) was time spent skin-to-skin. I happened to have summer babies and it's hot here, plus they needed to be held a lot at that age.

[Chamomile Girl]

Babies

They're just big lumps of neediness. And when you finally manage to get out of the house people stop you in the street and coo over the baby. So you get to be invisible too.

The first three months are the worst because they are so, well, empty of curiosity. But then they start to notice the world around them (outside of boobs) and suddenly they become little people. Then things start to get awesome. Really though I didn't start to enjoy my kid as an individual until he was a year old. And I am loving the fact he is walking now. Its a little hard to keep up with him sometimes, but walking is so, so, cool.

I don't like babies either, but toddlers are the bomb.

[treeoflife3]

I know EXACTLY what you mean! My kiddo is 19 months now and you better believe I do NOT miss her being a little newborn/infant at all. Well, I miss the size and how she looked sleeping... but I can look at pictures for that!

We are SO much happier now that she can communicate more and play on her own a bit and walk.... oh man the walking is nice! She actually doesn't say many words yet which is frustrating, but I am definitely glad I taught her some signs because it makes life so much easier. She was never good with cues (she even stopped showing a hunger cue around 3 months. No joke) so having signs is VITAL with my little one.

I'm not sure though if I just don't like INFANTS, or if my problem was kiddo specifically. I was a new mom and the pp hormones hit me hard. It was a bad year and she was borderline high needs so a lot was working against me to be able to enjoy it in the first place.

I hated when people would say 'don't blink!' or 'you'll miss this!' or 'just wait til they walk/talk... you'll wish you had never taught them!' All of it was wrong. It didn't go by quickly for me (it feels like the last 6 months have been going by fast though!) and I DON'T miss the crying and not knowing what she wants and having to hold her NON STOP or the getting up at night every couple hours to nurse her (and we couldn't make co sleeping work which made it harder) or not being able to really PLAY with her. It just felt so RUDE that people would completely ignore my feelings and tell me they were wrong. Being a new mom is hard, tiny ones are hard... I couldn't stand it when people would act like it was this perfect wonderful thing and all they do is poop and sleep and how could anyone possibly NOT love it? I didn't love it.

I LOVE this side of the first year though. She is so much fun to watch learn and grow and experience life. Her new favorite thing is running through the crunchy leaves. She also randomly hugs and kisses me now. She'll just run up and attack me with a hug making that awww sound. Oh yes, I am prefering this to the first 6-12 months.

There were moments I missed when she was little.. but not enough moments to make me wish SHE was little again. However I DO feel confident that I won't hate the next baby's infant stage QUITE as much now that I have a bit of experience. I doubt I'll love it the way some do (and try to claim everyone does... grr) but I think next time I won't want to scream and run away.

[neonalee]

Originally Posted by treeoflife3

She also randomly hugs and kisses me now. She'll just run up and attack me with a hug making that awww sound.

There were moments I missed when she was little.. but not enough moments to make me wish SHE was little again.

This exactly. I want hugs & kisses. I do enjoy when he's happy or sleeping and I do stop and fully enjoy those moments. But they aren't enough to enjoy this stage.

It also doesn't help that DP has been business traveling since last Tuesday until tomorrow (and 2 days next week, and 2 the following week). I don't know how single moms do it! I've been late to work every day! My back is out so I can barely pick up DS, and one of the cats (not the one we thought was dying) has puked everything except today's breakfast for the past 2 days! Of course I can't get him to the vet - I can barely pick up the baby!

Thanks for telling me I'm OK mamas!!

[MJB]

I'm not a huge baby person either but my current babe is my last and I'm trying to enjoy it more.
At 3 mos., I like how she is so curious about the world; she only likes to be carried facing away from me so she can watch everything. She is starting to get "jokes" like if I go "Boo!" she gets scared for a second but then laughs because it's just me. She babbles all day long and watches our mouths when we talk so she can learn to talk. She is close to sitting up and when she falls back, she lifts her head and legs in her best attempt to get back up. She likes mirrors. She rolls over. She is nothing like the helpless newborn she was a couple months ago. I feel like she loves me and is learning to communicate better every day.
I remember feeling so overwhelmed when my first was little and wanting him to be bigger, but knowing how fast they grow, I'm adoring every day with this little one. FWIW the toddler stage is my very favorite (so far; my oldest is almost 8) and it'll be here before we know it.

[jsh7809]

I can relate - I've always loved babies, but having my own is such a different story! I have to say, she's 6 months now and I am really really enjoying this age. Independence, better communication, but she still isn't crawling or walking.

I too have gotten that "oh NO you don't wish she could walk and talk!" and I understand, but I think I really will thrive with a toddler/ preschooler. Time will tell, bu that has always been my favorite age when I've worked with babies and kids, so I hope we will have lots of fun together! I picture reading to her when she can understand (and doesn't just want to chew on the book), making bread together, talking about her crazy perspective, etc. But I know I'll miss parts of the baby period, too, so I try to remind myself to slow down and breathe and take it in sometimes.

And I do NOT like the teenager phase, I can already tell you that so I'll take this one over that...

[AutumnAir]

Me too. Compounded (or possibly caused?) by the fact that my HN babies don't like being babies - at least that's certainly how it was for DD1 and seems to be similar for DD2. Each milestone that brought a little independence made DD1 happier and a bit easier to live with, and helped me to enjoy her that much more.

I think if I'd had babies that mostly just smiled, and cooed and laid there happily, like so many of the babies that I see out and about, then I might enjoy the baby-stage more. But really I just much prefer them when they've actually got a personality! I love them both fiercely, but I think I only *really* started enjoying DD1 around about the time she turned 1 - she could walk well at that stage and was communicating fairly well with baby-signs. It just made such a difference to me when she could go where she wanted and 'tell' me what she wanted.

I am enjoying DD2 a bit more as a baby, because I know she's my last, and because I know that this stage does go by pretty quickly in the larger scheme of things now.

[Kuba'sMama]

I remember with my first I was waiting for him to reach the next milestone and then the next, thinking it'd be easier, and I guess it was at that time.
My second baby, I also had a toddler and her whole babyhood is a foggy blur.
But this one... dealing with a 7 year old 2nd grade drama... and 4.5 year old JK drama.. and playdates... and extracurriculars... and homework... and birthday parties... and mouthiness... and attitude...and....

I look at my calm baby's face as a reprieve from all that. I smell her skin, bury my face in her neck. She reaches her milestones without me ever anticipating or wishing for it ("OMG, is she almost sitting already?") This is my first baby I can say for real I'm enjoying every minute of it. And while I am excited for her to grow and develop, she can do it as slowly as she wants. I guess it's true, you don't know what you got until it's gone. I feel like I'm getting a third chance to be the kind of baby-mom that I really can be. And I love it

But i can totally get why people don't like babies, lol. I'll get off my high horse now.

[Norasmomma]

I had easy babies and I am not a newborn person, sure they smell great, but it's once they hit around 6 months they get fun at least for me. My ILs are really baby people, they LOVE babies. I like babies but I'm not giddy like they are.

I'll admit I'm not much of a toddler fan, at least my DD at toddler age, she was extremely difficult.

Every age has it's great parts and downfalls.

[Liquesce]

For me deciding to have kids means deciding to just sort of get through both pregnancy and the first year. I don't regret making it, but that fact is the biggest factor in my being sure I'm done having kids. But it does get better. So far I wouldn't give up the toddler and preschool years for anything.

[bethanta]

I understand what you are feeling. DD is 5 weeks and a lot of things seem really hard. I hate not knowing if she's getting everything she needs, or what she wants, and I can't wait until we can play. I love her playful moments, and new baby smiles, and I'm certain I will miss those moments, but I have a feeling I'm going to love the toddler and preschool years

[pregnant@40]

I don't enjoy infancy either, and lots of parents feel the same way. Luckily, they grow up, and fast!