I am SOOOOOOO fed up!!!

[Bananas]

I just DON'T know what to do anymore! I feel like going away somewhere for a week straight, no contact with husband or two kids. --By the way I am BF one 7 1/2 mo. and I have a 3 year old. It's just the same monotonous thing day in and day out, STUCK in the house with the kids. I literally have NO friends my one and only best friend lives out of state. I live in RI. I haven't slept good in 4 months! Ever since my daughter turned 4 months she wakes up every 3-4 hours, I am SOOOOO tired of being tired. I just want to sleep and do whatever the hell I want to do when I want to do it. For 7 days straight that sounds like absolute heaven to me! I'm just so frustrated I don't find being a mother a joy very often now.
I don't know what I'm looking for from this forum, all I know is I feel like I'm going to snap and just take off one of these days. It sounds soooo nice when I think about it...................

[Naturopath Mom]

I sure have been in the same place! In between my 3 kids and being stuck at home as well, it gets so hard. I believe now it has been 8 years that I have not slept a solid night's sleep...except for maybe a handful of occassions! I remember those feelings when I was so desperate for sleep, so desperate to just get away.

I felt there was nothing I could do about my circumstances...I didn't have anyone to rely on. Is dh there for you? Would he watch the kids so you could get away? Perhaps just going somewhere with just your baby would be enough of a break if you can't leave baby. If you have some extra money you could pay for a mother's helper, someone that could help watch the kids and/or keep you company. I was so very lonely as well during my kids younger years, not having many friends either. I can tell you it has gotten easier but you need to get out and get active.

Any mom groups in the area? LLL? Maybe a MOPS? I found once I started talking with other moms it helped alot. You need time to yourself, we as moms function best with some r-n-r.

You and the kids could just do more activities too. Find out what is going on in your community, the library, local kids play areas.

Hope some of that was helpful!

[Turquesa]

You probably won't want to hear this, but here goes. Have you tried posting in the Post-Partum Depression forum? I've soooooooo been where you are right now....

I agree with the PP that it's really important (although difficult) to avoid isolation. Definitely follow through on some of those suggestions, or post in your Tribal Area to find or start a play group. again.

[crunchy_mommy]

Ooo I know that feeling. I'm in the same area as you, if you want to PM me with your town I can see if anything is going on in your area. Do you have a car? Getting involved in mom's groups, local events, LLL, etc. has helped me soooo much and if you're not sure where to start I'm glad to help with some local resources!!

[Surfacing]

Bananas, I too REALLY know that feeling. I hope it helped just to get that out there and to know that you are not alone.

Not having friends IRL is very lonely and isolating. What is your neighbourhood like? Are there other moms and kids on your street? I swear, something that saved my sanity was when my child started school, started making friends... then I started making friends with the moms of those kids... made SUCH a difference! Having an older kiddo (mother's helper $5/hr) to play with the older ones while I slept with the baby in the afternoon gives a good break as well. I have heard where people don't have $$ to give a mother's helper, they sometimes swap yummy things in the pantry for the helper's services.

About the exhaustion - sometimes a small thing can make a big difference. Sometimes even just a big ole nap in the middle of a Saturday while dh watches the kiddos and protects your sleep can help make things a bit brighter.

Hang in there Bananas, it won't always be like this. It does sound like you need a break though. Is your family around? Your best friend who lives out of state - how often do you keep contact?

[Bananas]

Thank you so much for replying guys! I was checking in randomly and no one was responding. To answer some of your questions, money is EXTREMELY tight right now so no extra funds for any kind of help. Hubby can be helpful when he's actually home but when he's not at his regular job he's out doing other random jobs to try to bring home some extra money. What makes me mad is that I explain to him what's going on and how I feel and he genuinely sounds concerned and understanding but than it's dropped. Nothing is ever done for me to help
Now with all this stupid stress my pumping is going down the toilet drastically! I can only pump at night once my daughter is sleeping and the last 4 nights I've probably gotten only 50 ounces total, whereas I would've had 360 by now (two bottles worth!) I only have 3 bottles in the freezer as I speak and I'm working Tues and Thurs nights as something to just get out of the house, I really like my job but it's really not the same as being with friends and getting out.
I keep in touch with my friend at least on a weekly basis but it feels more like a tease, where when I first start talking it's really nice but than all I want to do is see her
I was trying to get my 3 year old into a pre-school not only for some time without him but also I think he would benefit from it immensely! But we couldn't afford what everyone was charging and we "made too much" for any state assistance.
As far as my neighborhood-its brand new and you would think it would be great but EVERYONE LITERALLY HIBERNATES!!! WTF!!!! I LOVE the outdoors and being outside but with the cold coming it's a little harder. There are literally families all around but nobody comes outside--it's creepy, and unnatural! Maybe one thing that will help is I found a sort of class session coming up soon and I've signed my 3 year old up for that, it's only for a month but I think he'll love it and maybe I'll be able to meet someone. It seriously is so depressing when your like, "well I've got my mom and my sister" but literally no friends here My sister has a kid but she's always had more of a life than me, and always goes out with friends. Well my always=once a week.
Thanks for listening to me ramble again.

[crunchy_mommy]

I PM'ed you about a LLL meeting near you on Tuesday, that could help with the socializing AND the pumping issues I hope you can make it.

I know what you mean about everyone hibernating around here. I took DS to the playground Friday and it was deserted. We play outside, no one's around. We do have neighbors but I've lived here 3 years & still haven't seen some of them. It's so depressing. I'd seriously be going insane without my mom's group & LLL meetings & stuff like that!!

[abbylotus]

I have totally felt that way! When I first read your post I had to think back to when my kids were little...it didn't take long for me to remember the sleepless nights, the all consuming neediness of the babies. I stayed at home with them when they were young, too. It can be so isolating to be stuck at home with babies. I definantely know where you're coming from. I can say, it will get better with age! I've got it made now that my kids aree 7 and 8. They practically manage themselves. A bath, food, and love...WAMO all needs met. It will get better. In the mean time, take a nap!