I know it takes having a baby to have PPD, but does anyone out there feel like if their baby was different that it wouldnt be so hard?
I dont know if I can make this sound right and not like a whine, but for ds first 3 months of life, I didnt complain, even when I was up with him every half hour all night long. I didnt complain when I was glued to the couch with him and couldnt get up to pee or get food. I didnt complain when I woke up to crying all night long and dh slept like a log and worked waay longer hrs each day than he agreed to pre baby. I just assumed that this was the way newborns are and this is part of parenting. At our birth class, the teacher said if you are un happy with your baby's temperament, wait 6-8 weeks, especially if you have an epidural. I was induced but no epidural so I figured we wouldnt even have to worry. This also seemed like a life time, but when it came and nothing changed, we read in a book to wait for 3 months. So when this milestone came and went, and nothing changed, and he in fact seemed to be getting worse, we just kept holding out. I can look back at this time and realise this was when my mood changed. Nothing we read indicated that if we kept waiting there was a chance for change later, it was 3 months or thats the permanent temperament. At least thats what we got out of it anyway. It was around three months that I decided that I couldnt be around girls with babies better "behaved" than mine. I live 2 1/2 hrs from where I grew up, and I moved when I got preg to be closer to the man who is now my dh. So I know a limited amount of people here that I connect with, but still it was easier for me to lose contact with two girls I met in my birth class because hearing stories about babies sleeping through the night and not crying 24/7 was too hard for me. I dont regret this, as I needed to survive with as little anger as possible, but It wasnt me that didnt want a friendship. It was like I physically couldnt maintain one without becoming rageful in my head at someone who wasnt going through what I was. As months passed after this point, I have found that ds isnt getting a whole lot better and I find I go through the motions with him because I dont find alot of joy in spending time interacting with a baby that just fusses and crys most of the time. If I put him on the floor to play with toys, I get maybe ten minutes max and most of the time, he kind of groans and prefusses from the start. Hes not happy or content most of the time and he still doesnt sleep well. We have managed to get him to sleep in his crib without the whole "crying it out" business but it took weeks, and I only did it because I wasnt sleeping when he was with me in bed. He will LITERALLY nurse all night. My nipples will be so sore they feel bruised the next day and he wont have really slept.
So I guess Im explaining all of this because I dont want anyone to think I think Im depressed because I dont have the perfect baby. I know I dont and Im ok with struggles and frustration, but hes now 71/2 months and I cant even go to the bathroom without him crying. Even if hes laying on the floor next to me. I try to spend time each day just holding and singing to him and relaxing with him, but he usually fusses through it. He doesnt want to be held, doesnt want to be put down, just unhappy.
So all of this to ask: Does anyone feel like me? Like maybe I wouldnt be struggling about actually wrapping my mind around calling it PPD because of the behavior of the child and not just me? Am I mean to even feel like this? I just dont get it or know how to feel, I go to a PPD group and all the girls there seem to have babies that sleep through the night, etc, and from what Ive gathered the problem isnt the baby at all. Ive heard people say "I have a really good baby, etc" and I think "I wouldnt even be here if I had your kid!!!" Not that I am judging these girls, I feel very close to them and protective of their situations. I guess Im rambling because I feel rude even saying or asking this. I have met girls where I live through my dh that have babies months younger than ds and they are happy, they sleep, they play, they eat contentedly, while I end up nursing ds many, many times a day just to shush him and soothe him. I love my son I really do. I am not blaming him. I just think "would I be this way if he were different?"
Am I alone in feeling this way?
I dont know if I can make this sound right and not like a whine, but for ds first 3 months of life, I didnt complain, even when I was up with him every half hour all night long. I didnt complain when I was glued to the couch with him and couldnt get up to pee or get food. I didnt complain when I woke up to crying all night long and dh slept like a log and worked waay longer hrs each day than he agreed to pre baby. I just assumed that this was the way newborns are and this is part of parenting. At our birth class, the teacher said if you are un happy with your baby's temperament, wait 6-8 weeks, especially if you have an epidural. I was induced but no epidural so I figured we wouldnt even have to worry. This also seemed like a life time, but when it came and nothing changed, we read in a book to wait for 3 months. So when this milestone came and went, and nothing changed, and he in fact seemed to be getting worse, we just kept holding out. I can look back at this time and realise this was when my mood changed. Nothing we read indicated that if we kept waiting there was a chance for change later, it was 3 months or thats the permanent temperament. At least thats what we got out of it anyway. It was around three months that I decided that I couldnt be around girls with babies better "behaved" than mine. I live 2 1/2 hrs from where I grew up, and I moved when I got preg to be closer to the man who is now my dh. So I know a limited amount of people here that I connect with, but still it was easier for me to lose contact with two girls I met in my birth class because hearing stories about babies sleeping through the night and not crying 24/7 was too hard for me. I dont regret this, as I needed to survive with as little anger as possible, but It wasnt me that didnt want a friendship. It was like I physically couldnt maintain one without becoming rageful in my head at someone who wasnt going through what I was. As months passed after this point, I have found that ds isnt getting a whole lot better and I find I go through the motions with him because I dont find alot of joy in spending time interacting with a baby that just fusses and crys most of the time. If I put him on the floor to play with toys, I get maybe ten minutes max and most of the time, he kind of groans and prefusses from the start. Hes not happy or content most of the time and he still doesnt sleep well. We have managed to get him to sleep in his crib without the whole "crying it out" business but it took weeks, and I only did it because I wasnt sleeping when he was with me in bed. He will LITERALLY nurse all night. My nipples will be so sore they feel bruised the next day and he wont have really slept.
So I guess Im explaining all of this because I dont want anyone to think I think Im depressed because I dont have the perfect baby. I know I dont and Im ok with struggles and frustration, but hes now 71/2 months and I cant even go to the bathroom without him crying. Even if hes laying on the floor next to me. I try to spend time each day just holding and singing to him and relaxing with him, but he usually fusses through it. He doesnt want to be held, doesnt want to be put down, just unhappy.
So all of this to ask: Does anyone feel like me? Like maybe I wouldnt be struggling about actually wrapping my mind around calling it PPD because of the behavior of the child and not just me? Am I mean to even feel like this? I just dont get it or know how to feel, I go to a PPD group and all the girls there seem to have babies that sleep through the night, etc, and from what Ive gathered the problem isnt the baby at all. Ive heard people say "I have a really good baby, etc" and I think "I wouldnt even be here if I had your kid!!!" Not that I am judging these girls, I feel very close to them and protective of their situations. I guess Im rambling because I feel rude even saying or asking this. I have met girls where I live through my dh that have babies months younger than ds and they are happy, they sleep, they play, they eat contentedly, while I end up nursing ds many, many times a day just to shush him and soothe him. I love my son I really do. I am not blaming him. I just think "would I be this way if he were different?"
Am I alone in feeling this way?
And no, mine isn't sleeping through the night and fusses a lot also. I can't go to the bathroom alone either. <sigh>
So I cut dairy almost 2 mos ago and his skin has gotten worse. I called and begged for an allergy test, had to listen to ANOTHER dr blab about hydrocortisone cream....no thanks, and finally referred us for a test. I am jumping out of my seat to get the results, but dont have alot of faith it will change his whole personality. IF allergies is whats bugging him, would he still calm down if I pick him up? Would they only bug him when Im trying to sleep or wash a sink of dishes?
