"I'm going to hit you"

[Hokulele]

DD turned 2yo in June. She's normally a very easy-going charming little person. But she does have the usual frustrations of a 2yo.

Recently she's started speaking violently when she gets angry. I don't like it, but I don't know how to stop it. She'll say things like "I'm going to hit you and throw you down" or "I don't like Daddy" (whether or not Daddy is in the room). Mostly it is threats of things she's going to do to me and/or other things in the room she's going to harm.

She rarely acts on the threats, but still, even saying this stuff is not ok with me.

What is a natural consequence to saying violent things? How would you handle this?

[redvlagrl]

Firstly, i would try and work out where she learnt to talk about this stuff. DD seems to react well to talking it out. Perhaps you could try telling her how sad it makes you when she says those things. And talk about how it hurts when we get hit.

[Hokulele]

My 2yo (DD2) learned these phrases from her older sister.

DD1 is 5yo and went through a brief phase of saying this type of stuff. Eventually she realized that talk didn't really get her anywhere and she stopped.

During that time, though, DD2 learned these phrases from her sister and now they seem to have become her method of voicing agressive angry feelings.

[KLM99]

It might actually be a good thing that she's verbaling her feelings instead of acting on them? I think maybe feeling angry and wanting to hit something might be a natural feeling, but being able to stop and say "I feel angry" is healthy. and yes, she probably heard those statements somewhere and is just repeating them. Maybe help her to use healthier words to verbalize how she's feeling?

[Petie1104]

Originally Posted by KLM99

It might actually be a good thing that she's verbaling her feelings instead of acting on them? I think maybe feeling angry and wanting to hit something might be a natural feeling, but being able to stop and say "I feel angry" is healthy. and yes, she probably heard those statements somewhere and is just repeating them. Maybe help her to use healthier words to verbalize how she's feeling?

I relate this to what adults do. Someone frustrates you to no end and you say, "I could just smack her". But you never actually smack someone. You are blowing off steam, and that is good. Now if you talk TO the person, you use better words, "You know you are really aggravating me now" or however you say it. This is acceptable. So there is no consequence given for expressing feelings, because that is what she is doing in the only way she knows how. You have to give her the right words to say, so something like...

dd "I'm going to throw this toy at you"
you "So that means you must be really angry"
dd "I don't like daddy"
you"did daddy make you angry"


You get the idea. Help her work through those feelings and supply her with enough feeling words that she doesn't need to make threats to let you know how she feels.

At the age of 2 she should learn the meaning of

angry
happy
bored
scared

Those are the big four that my kids needed. By 4, my youngest right now can identify when he is

angry, happy, bored, frustrated, tired, cranky, scared, and content

By knowing the words, they can use them. That way, instead of threats, you get, "mommy I'm angry with you" which is completelly acceptable.

[Hokulele]

Thanks for the comments. Yes, I see how this can be good. She's verbalizing but not acting on it. So thank you for pointing that out. And you are right, I do need to continue to help her with vocabulary that helps her express herself. I do show her how to use the word "angry" but your comments have helped me realize that I need to stay on that path and keep giving her words to use that will help.

I feel much better about this! Thank you!