My theoretical future homebirth, of course. 
Just curious as to thoughts re: my situation, and how you made the decision as well. I didn't want to hijack a similar discussion.
I am planning on TTC within the next year, and I am pretty dead set on homebirth. I have researched it on and off for about 5 years now, and barring any high-risk scenario (which seems unlikely), it's HB, all the way.
I never seriously considered a doula before-- and here's why...
My very supportive DH is 100% on board with this (and pretty well-informed by osmosis, LOL-- I can't keep my mouth shut). I have always planned on having him, my midwife (plus apprentice/backup if she requires it) and my mother with me.
Background: My mom is an MD who had two unmedicated hospital births herself, and who has a very low-intervention, slow-to-prescribe-drugs philosophy in general. She is semi-retired now, but spent most of her career in research and drug regulation, though she was Chief Resident of her hospital after med school and moonlighted quite a bit in Emergency Medicine and some specialty clinics, so she has clinical experience as well. She has her boards in Internal Medicine and Allergy/Immunology and partial boards in ER.
When I first started researching NCB/HB, she was skeptical of HB's safety. But being the evidence-based scientist she is, she was very open to all the studies and info I presented her with and concluded as I did, that it was safe for low-risk women. (She also had to be refreshed on the current state of hospital birth, as when she birthed in the 1970s/80s, hospitals had lower intervention rates in most respects. PLUS, as a doc, her NCB birth plans were more respected-- when she had me, she was a medical student at the hospital where she birthed, and when she had my brother, she birthed at the hospital in which she worked the ER.)
Anyway.
My mom is an EXCELLENT clinician and has always been a big advocate of NCB. When I first started researching and threw out "Why not get the epi?" she said, "Listen... If you prepare for a NCB, at least you have a chance of having one. If you don't prepare, you have almost no chance. Don't you want options?"
So I'm not worried about her being supportive.
I also like the idea of her being with me because she had two unmedicated births herself, and since we're close and she's my mommy (LOL), I really feel like I'll believe her when she says, "You can do it, you're doing it." KWIM?
Although she will of course take a complete (professional) backseat, defer and not use her medical skills unless absolutely called on by the MW in an emergency (or if I have a precip birth or something and the MW isn't there yet)... I also feel like if I do have to transfer, she may have more credibility with a hospital and be an additional knowledgable advocate, if that makes sense.
All that said! She is more of an intellectual type and less touchy-feely than I am (or my husband is). Which is not to say she's unemotional or cold (or that I'm not intellectual, or that we don't get along swell), but sometimes I feel like I have to remind her (and my dad) that I am more emotional and need a different kind of support. (For ex, if it helps-- in Myers Briggs, my dad is an ISTJ and my mom is an ENTJ-- while I am an ENFJ/P.) So basically we have two "Thinking" parents with a "Feeling" kid.
Something that brought this up for me... Yesterday I was bitten by a (large) dog while holding a yard sale at their house, while my parents had gone to run an errand. At first I didn't think I was bleeding and was kind of stunned, so I downplayed the whole thing to the dog owner. A few minutes later, I realized I was bleeding a little, so I washed it off and applied antibiotic ointment, etc. Then I felt very lightheaded and nauseated and was afraid I was going to pass out-- I mean, things started to go white and I felt like I was underwater, the whole nine. At first I was in denial, but I decided to call my dad's cell and asked him to come home as soon as possible, etc. He said they'd be back in 15 minutes and it was more like 30, but okay. I sat outside, thinking that if I passed out, I'd want it to be in front of people, LOL.
Anyway, by the time they came back, I was still feeling ill, but not in danger of passing out. I told them what happened and they were just kind of like, "Oh, you'll be fine, you're okay-- it was just a shock, blah blah." And then I started blubbering like an idiot, I guess because I had been trying to keep it together. And I was like, "Why are you dismissing me? I'm sorry, but I guess I'm just upset!" (I have been lucky not to have been bitten by a dog before and didn't know what was happening to me.) And then they changed course and were really nice and explained that I wasn't in any danger, and that they were just trying to reassure me that I was going to be okay and I was not going to drop dead of sepsis or something... (I probably had the near-passing-out reaction because of a shock to my system (adrenaline/norepiniphrine) + my stimulant medication + not having eaten all day.)
That whole story just to say that while I really do appreciate my mom being coolheaded in crises (esp medical crises, or perceived medical crises), sometimes she can come off a bit too "matter-of-fact" and not initially sympathetic "enough" (for me). She's not actually dismissive-- and she's right about 99.99% of the time!-- but sometimes I FEEL like she isn't listening to me-- or rather, my feelings. If I call her on it, she always softens up and gets where I'm coming from, and she can be very sweet and comforting.
It's like... Sometimes you want/need to be babied, and though it's generally great that she doesn't treat me like a baby, and believes I can do whatever I set my mind to... Well, you know...
I guess I'm trying to figure out what I'll want in labor, YKWIM? This is not a question of having her there-- I absolutely will. But it's more of a question of... would it be a good idea to also have someone with a different "style" that is more "emotionally-centered?" Like a certain doula?
I am also thinking that my DH is more that way... I am sure part of what attracted me to him is that, unlike my parents, he sometimes "babies" me. Not that THAT is always a good thing, either. (And to be clear, he has loads of confidence in and respect for me as well-- he's not just my knight in shining armor.) The issue is that, while he is very supportive of HB and semi-educated on birth, you know-- he's never experienced it directly or indirectly. I think we could read and practice things, but you never know.
It's always possible that my MW(s) could fill that role as well, but I am not counting on it. Particularly because I already feel like finding a good MW for me (who meshes on an intervention-philosophy, etc. level) will be a little challenging outside of this issue, so "bedside manner" is not something I'm going to quibble at much, beyond her having a generally supportive one.
I don't want to spend the money if a doula won't be bringing something really unique and helpful to the table, plus I honestly don't want a ton of people at my birth and I will probably be in an apartment of less than 900 square feet.
IDK... Just processing. Thanks for letting me get this all out (sometimes just writing helps me make these decisions).
I should add one thing-- though DH is more than able-bodied (he's an athlete), my mom is not as physically able to assist as she once was. Though she's only in her very early 60s, she had a (really random) stroke a couple of years ago, and though she had a miraculous recovery, she has a couple of issues related to her osteoporosis (exacerbated by her hospital stay for the stroke) and a shoulder issue-- related again to the stroke. She also doesn't have the physical stamina she used to, in general.
So... Just throwing it ALL out there, LOL. If you have had any similar issues or concerns, or would like to share your experience (in HB) with a doula, mom, partner and/or MD in attendance (as a friend, relative, etc.), it would be appreciated!
Just curious as to thoughts re: my situation, and how you made the decision as well. I didn't want to hijack a similar discussion.
I am planning on TTC within the next year, and I am pretty dead set on homebirth. I have researched it on and off for about 5 years now, and barring any high-risk scenario (which seems unlikely), it's HB, all the way.
I never seriously considered a doula before-- and here's why...
My very supportive DH is 100% on board with this (and pretty well-informed by osmosis, LOL-- I can't keep my mouth shut). I have always planned on having him, my midwife (plus apprentice/backup if she requires it) and my mother with me.
Background: My mom is an MD who had two unmedicated hospital births herself, and who has a very low-intervention, slow-to-prescribe-drugs philosophy in general. She is semi-retired now, but spent most of her career in research and drug regulation, though she was Chief Resident of her hospital after med school and moonlighted quite a bit in Emergency Medicine and some specialty clinics, so she has clinical experience as well. She has her boards in Internal Medicine and Allergy/Immunology and partial boards in ER.
When I first started researching NCB/HB, she was skeptical of HB's safety. But being the evidence-based scientist she is, she was very open to all the studies and info I presented her with and concluded as I did, that it was safe for low-risk women. (She also had to be refreshed on the current state of hospital birth, as when she birthed in the 1970s/80s, hospitals had lower intervention rates in most respects. PLUS, as a doc, her NCB birth plans were more respected-- when she had me, she was a medical student at the hospital where she birthed, and when she had my brother, she birthed at the hospital in which she worked the ER.)
Anyway.
My mom is an EXCELLENT clinician and has always been a big advocate of NCB. When I first started researching and threw out "Why not get the epi?" she said, "Listen... If you prepare for a NCB, at least you have a chance of having one. If you don't prepare, you have almost no chance. Don't you want options?"
So I'm not worried about her being supportive.
I also like the idea of her being with me because she had two unmedicated births herself, and since we're close and she's my mommy (LOL), I really feel like I'll believe her when she says, "You can do it, you're doing it." KWIM?
Although she will of course take a complete (professional) backseat, defer and not use her medical skills unless absolutely called on by the MW in an emergency (or if I have a precip birth or something and the MW isn't there yet)... I also feel like if I do have to transfer, she may have more credibility with a hospital and be an additional knowledgable advocate, if that makes sense.
All that said! She is more of an intellectual type and less touchy-feely than I am (or my husband is). Which is not to say she's unemotional or cold (or that I'm not intellectual, or that we don't get along swell), but sometimes I feel like I have to remind her (and my dad) that I am more emotional and need a different kind of support. (For ex, if it helps-- in Myers Briggs, my dad is an ISTJ and my mom is an ENTJ-- while I am an ENFJ/P.) So basically we have two "Thinking" parents with a "Feeling" kid.
Something that brought this up for me... Yesterday I was bitten by a (large) dog while holding a yard sale at their house, while my parents had gone to run an errand. At first I didn't think I was bleeding and was kind of stunned, so I downplayed the whole thing to the dog owner. A few minutes later, I realized I was bleeding a little, so I washed it off and applied antibiotic ointment, etc. Then I felt very lightheaded and nauseated and was afraid I was going to pass out-- I mean, things started to go white and I felt like I was underwater, the whole nine. At first I was in denial, but I decided to call my dad's cell and asked him to come home as soon as possible, etc. He said they'd be back in 15 minutes and it was more like 30, but okay. I sat outside, thinking that if I passed out, I'd want it to be in front of people, LOL.
Anyway, by the time they came back, I was still feeling ill, but not in danger of passing out. I told them what happened and they were just kind of like, "Oh, you'll be fine, you're okay-- it was just a shock, blah blah." And then I started blubbering like an idiot, I guess because I had been trying to keep it together. And I was like, "Why are you dismissing me? I'm sorry, but I guess I'm just upset!" (I have been lucky not to have been bitten by a dog before and didn't know what was happening to me.) And then they changed course and were really nice and explained that I wasn't in any danger, and that they were just trying to reassure me that I was going to be okay and I was not going to drop dead of sepsis or something... (I probably had the near-passing-out reaction because of a shock to my system (adrenaline/norepiniphrine) + my stimulant medication + not having eaten all day.)
That whole story just to say that while I really do appreciate my mom being coolheaded in crises (esp medical crises, or perceived medical crises), sometimes she can come off a bit too "matter-of-fact" and not initially sympathetic "enough" (for me). She's not actually dismissive-- and she's right about 99.99% of the time!-- but sometimes I FEEL like she isn't listening to me-- or rather, my feelings. If I call her on it, she always softens up and gets where I'm coming from, and she can be very sweet and comforting.
It's like... Sometimes you want/need to be babied, and though it's generally great that she doesn't treat me like a baby, and believes I can do whatever I set my mind to... Well, you know...
I guess I'm trying to figure out what I'll want in labor, YKWIM? This is not a question of having her there-- I absolutely will. But it's more of a question of... would it be a good idea to also have someone with a different "style" that is more "emotionally-centered?" Like a certain doula?
I am also thinking that my DH is more that way... I am sure part of what attracted me to him is that, unlike my parents, he sometimes "babies" me. Not that THAT is always a good thing, either. (And to be clear, he has loads of confidence in and respect for me as well-- he's not just my knight in shining armor.) The issue is that, while he is very supportive of HB and semi-educated on birth, you know-- he's never experienced it directly or indirectly. I think we could read and practice things, but you never know.
It's always possible that my MW(s) could fill that role as well, but I am not counting on it. Particularly because I already feel like finding a good MW for me (who meshes on an intervention-philosophy, etc. level) will be a little challenging outside of this issue, so "bedside manner" is not something I'm going to quibble at much, beyond her having a generally supportive one.
I don't want to spend the money if a doula won't be bringing something really unique and helpful to the table, plus I honestly don't want a ton of people at my birth and I will probably be in an apartment of less than 900 square feet.
IDK... Just processing. Thanks for letting me get this all out (sometimes just writing helps me make these decisions).
I should add one thing-- though DH is more than able-bodied (he's an athlete), my mom is not as physically able to assist as she once was. Though she's only in her very early 60s, she had a (really random) stroke a couple of years ago, and though she had a miraculous recovery, she has a couple of issues related to her osteoporosis (exacerbated by her hospital stay for the stroke) and a shoulder issue-- related again to the stroke. She also doesn't have the physical stamina she used to, in general.
So... Just throwing it ALL out there, LOL. If you have had any similar issues or concerns, or would like to share your experience (in HB) with a doula, mom, partner and/or MD in attendance (as a friend, relative, etc.), it would be appreciated!
And some midwives will do that sort of thing. I'm not having a doula this time (well, there will be one who's just starting training who will hopefully make it to play with DD when she needs). Good luck!
