Helping a toddler remain vegan

[crunchy_mommy]

My DS is 20 months old & he seems to be reaching an awkward point of starting to really want others' food. He has been vegan up to this point & I would like to continue this indefinitely (perhaps until he's able to fully understand what eating animal products means, or perhaps until his taste buds are more well-established, or who knows...) None of our friends or family are vegan, though they are very respectful of our choices and even sometimes bake vegan treats for us. DH is not vegan but eats 100% vegan at home and even when we're eating out much of the time.

Parties are easy because I can bring a few vegan dishes... Restaurants, everyone orders their own meal so he understands everyone is eating different things. The problem seems to come up in unexpected situations -- when someone orders a dessert to share, or when buttered popcorn is served at an event, or someone brings a cake for so-and-so's birthday, and I don't have the chance to bring him a comparable vegan treat. He wants what everyone else is having -- and he really REALLY loves (vegan) baked goods & popcorn, etc. and doesn't understand that the ones we eat are different than the ones everyone else eats.

Soooo... how do you handle unexpected situations? How do you teach what 'eating animal products' means, when the situations always seem to arise in public & I'd hate to offend my non-veg friends?

I am going to try to keep a small special treat stashed in my bag for these times (vegan animal cracker type cookies or something)... and he loves fruit so I can often distract him with that if I have any with me... I just feel like this is going to get harder for the next year or two before it starts getting easier. Experiences? Thoughts?

[mumkimum]

We're not vegan (lacto/ovo - so fewer things this comes up with than if vegan) - but I've always just been honest with dd about ingredients around other people and she's been more understanding than I expected - no craziness about not being allowed to have something. We've always asserted that she (like me) is vegetarian, so we don't eat things with meat in them. We check ingredients together - I emphasize certain things that aren't reliably vegetarian (with stuff like gelatin) so she knows to ask whether that food item is vegetarian or not.

Being pretty matter-of-fact about it myself helps her, I like to think. I think it's also a good way to deal with it around others - you just don't eat xyz, it's fine, it's not about anyone else.
Talking about 'hey we should make/share this *favorite appropriate treat* ourselves soon' when people are enjoying something we don't eat helps sometimes (so does having okay snacks/meals at the ready).

[Naturopath Mom]

We're vegan here and I have 3 kiddos so I have been there! My middle boy has a hard time seeing all the "fun" food that other kids have. I was going to suggest "stashing" some extra special goodies that would tottaly distract him from anything else someone is having!

One thing I have learned is that when people offer them unhealth lollipops or chocolates we don't eat and they want to accept it I usually now let them. They can then bring it home, trade it in and donate the candy we don't eat to the local shelter. I have a "speical" stash of goodies that they can only have on these occasions, so I usually do not hear too much complaining anymore!

My kids have always kind of understood that we don't eat the way others do. We are also gluten free, no sugar and organic, and my oldest (8) has a very good understanding and agrees with me. My 5 year old is more difficult and just likes stuff and wants to know what meat tastes like, doesn't seem to be phased that it comes from an animal. I know he understands though, why we do not eat that way. DS is 3 and well, there has been no explaing yet! She does what her brothers do and she is fine with that

HTH!

[OrangeMoon]

Interesting discussion! DS is 20 months but we're recently vegan so haven't encountered a lot of this yet. Everytime I go to a friends I try and bring a home made vegan sweet thing and then something vegan that's savory so we can be okay while we're there.

[lilbee]

This is a very intersting topic. I'm a vegan myself and was hoping to raise my kid vegan too but I was more worried about my parents and family asking me whether this kind of diet is okay for toddlers. I guess it can be really hard to get a very young kid to understand why he shouldn't eat this or that and most of all why he can't eat like his buddies at school or at parties.

(I'm a British expat and so far I've found it way easier for kiddos to be vegan in the US ! I guess this is the american dream )

[red and lulu]

i don't have a ton of experience with this yet since dd is only 15 mo, but she's a curious cat and so if a friend is having something she always wants it, too. i'm finding its helpful to keep some non-perishable, vegan, sugar-free stuff stashed in my bag and the car. larabars are a good thing to have on hand.

[nicolian]

I have a 19 month old and a 3 year old who are both vegan. I don't have any issue with the little guy as he just eats whatever I give him. It can be a little tougher with my older son though. When we fisrt went vegan earlier this year, I just explained to him why we were doing it. I explained that eating meat is eating animals. Now when he wants something he can't have, I just tell him what's in it that we don't eat. Now, sometimes, he even says this on his own.. or asks, 'can I eat this? Does it have milk or eggs in it?'

I'm sure it's different for every child. I think, at least, you have to your advantage that your LO is still fairly young and will probably acclimate pretty quickly.

[pinksprklybarefoot]

I carry candy in my purse nearly all of the time. It seems to distract them.

[sweetpeppers]

The only thing I draw the line at is meat, and my son knows that we don't eat meat. He hasn't wanted to try it. It's just something that is. Meat isn't as exciting as ice cream and sugary stuff. I try to steer him away from non-vegan thing, but unfortunately I've dropped the ball. Probably because I'm not a perfect vegan and I fall for things like ice cream and non vegan cookies sometimes.

[Smithie]

I don't think you've dropped the ball. I think you've made a wise compromise. You don't want your child to associate social eating with feelings of deprivation and being left out, so you bend a little on the stuff that matters most to a young child - like ice cream.

For me, the absolute highest food value for a little kid is learning to see food as something that is enjoyable-but-no-big-deal. Not something you'd substitute for love or companionship, not something you'd be willing to start a fight over, but just this stuff that nourishes your body and is pleasurable to consume. Ethical rules about food are kind of lost on little kids, IME, although they may parrot back your words. Negative food rules (this is bad, that is bad, you can't have this, you can't have that) are unavoidable in some cases, but the more you can avoid them and still be true to your core values, the better for little kids IMHO, and the more likely they are to be open to adopting your ethical framework once they're old enough to understand what you're talking about.

[sweetpeppers]

Yeah, I never wanted to have a fight about food. I try not to buy junk food. Even more important than being 100% vegan, I think, is getting kids to appreciate fruits and vegetables. If my kid is vegan, but he only eats veggie dogs, bread products, and other processed vegan foods, I have failed to give him a healthy diet. I tease my son by telling hiim that children are only allowed to eat candy and bread, because they don't appreciate fruits and vegetables, and that's why the neighbors and other people always give him candy instead of broccoli or an apple. (and I let him have the candy, fortunately we're inside more with winter coming on, so we don't see the candy giving neighbors as much.

[crunchy_mommy]

For me I guess that being vegan & helping DS appreciate a healthy, varied diet are one & the same. That's part of the reason I want him to remain vegan for as long as possible. We don't do veggie dogs & breads & lots of processed food (of course not everything is PERFECTLY healthy, some processed food & sweets sneak in!) and DS loves veggies & fruits & beans. I guess I feel that just because everyone else eats lots of cake & ice cream & candy & chips, that doesn't mean we have to, and that's the core of what I want to teach him, but I also don't want him to feel deprived. It's such a hard balance for me, it's easy when it only affects me but trying to decide for DS is tough...

This past weekend I tried a pp's suggestion & just told him, "That muffin has eggs in it & we don't eat eggs." He was, surprisingly, totally fine with that explanation, so I'll see how it goes in other situations!! We are going to a bday party today so I'm planning to bring a small treat for him when everyone else is having cake. Last time I gave him an orange & that went well actually but I might bring a sweet this time (or at least have one ready as backup in case the orange doesn't work lol).

[craft_media_hero]

Originally Posted by sweetpeppers

The only thing I draw the line at is meat, and my son knows that we don't eat meat. He hasn't wanted to try it. It's just something that is. Meat isn't as exciting as ice cream and sugary stuff. I try to steer him away from non-vegan thing, but unfortunately I've dropped the ball. Probably because I'm not a perfect vegan and I fall for things like ice cream and non vegan cookies sometimes.

That's pretty much how I handled it when dd was little, too. I'm no longer vegan (lacto-ovo now), and she is older (7), so she decides now that she's old enough to understand, tho she will sometimes choose to take bites of her dad's burger

[Ianthe]

I've been pretty relaxed about making sure DS's are 100% vegan. When we are at home they are always vegan, and they are always vegetarian no matter what, but I don't know how to stop the world from feeding my kids goldfish crackers!

My oldest DS is 3, and he understands what meat, milk, eggs and cheese is. I've given him a choice now.. he doesn't want to eat meat, but he does want to eat goldfish cheese crackers, so I don't make a big deal out of it.

Like the PPs, I don't want them to have food issues, so as long as they understand what it is they are eating, it's their choice (we'll always be vegan at home, however).

[ShadowMoon]

DS is almost 4 and hasn't really had a problem remaining vegan. (He's been vegan since birth). He doesn't really understand that things come from animals yet but he knows that some food is for other people and some is ok for us. I always keep snacks on hand in case we're in a situation where he sees other people or kids snacking and so far we haven't had any issues. I do a lot of animal rights work and we visit animal sanctuaries often so the messages and lessons are there for him when he's ready. I try to go day to day and not worry about what his food choices may be when he's older.

[eepster]

We're lacto/ovo (though I eat very little dairy b/c I'm very lactose intolerant,) so it isn't too hard for us.  

One thing that I have come to terms with though is not being too overly concerned about not offending the carnivores.  If they choose to dine on the carcasses of dead animals, they need to just accept that fact and not get huffy when it is pointed out that they are eating dead animals and it is sad to kill animals.

Nursing for a really long time helps too.

[petram]

My vegan, sugar-free son is now 2.5 and so far we haven't had any problems at all.  He's never been super interested in what other kids are eating, and prefers to play with toys while others sit around the table and eat at e.g. playgroup or birthday parties, so that has definitely helped. 

I always take something with me to subsitute when other kids are eating non-vegan foods.  e.g. with a birthday party i'm going to tomorrow i've already checked if they're serving chips, sausages, cake etc and i'm taking a vegan, sugar-free version of everything (for the cake i'm just doing store-bought sugar-free vegan cookies).  the trick is to keep some special treats only for situations like this.  we never give him these cookies except for at birthday parties. 

once a mother forgot to tell me she was having chips at a party, and they weren't vegan and finn loves chips (wish we never got him started on them....oops....not very healthy!) and I just told him those ones were no good for us and that we could have some when we got home.  and it worked just fine.  no tears or anything!  also, make sure you don't eat things in front of them that they can't eat when you're at a party (like sugar).

and i agree with breast-feeding helping too.  that solves almost all problems and distracts him from just about anything ;)