Stage Mother? - Page 3

[ReadingMama]

Originally Posted by Mom2GCNJ

Parents are not invited in the rehearsal space until notes. I agree that a parent's presence may help to facilitate success for special needs children.

If parents aren't allowed at practices and you think it would help your daughter and other kids with special needs to have their parents present, that probably does warrant some disclosure about your daughter's issues. For future reference, I'd mention it at the first or second practice, not at auditions.

I still don't think that your daughter being the only child without a line is a big deal. Someone had to get that part. It's not insensivity--that's theater.

But I can see the benefit in talking to the director about how she feels about inclusiveness in her program. If you are taking a break from this program, that can wait until you're ready to come back. That would give your daughter, you, and the director a chance to cool down and move on from the immediate stress of this production. If she will still be involved in this program, but on a smaller scale, it's worth scheduling a time for this conversation. A few weeks after the show is over would be appropriate.

I would not mention that you think the director needs to offer more encouragement. That's a critique of her directing style--it wouldn't be appreciated. But it is totally appropriate for you to say something like, "My daughter has some special needs that we are addressing. She struggles in so many areas of her life--theater is the one place she feels at home. She and I are both aware that her outburst was innappropriate and we are working to ensure that won't happen again. What are your feelings about working with kids with special needs? Would it be ok in the future if I come to practices to make sure she's ok?"

[karne]

As a mom w/kids in the arts, I would say that you may have the wrong program for your dd. If you are seeking performance art as a therapeutic means, than you might want to look either into smaller productions, or better yet, talk w/the therapist about whether there are therapeutic performing arts options around you. I know of a few programs around me, primarily focused on teens, or teen young women, where theater is used as a vehicle to encouraging self expression, exploring emotions, etc. Just a thought.

I have a child around your child's age in a performance currently. I can pretty much guarantee that any acting out behavior would have meant that that continuation in the performance would have been examined very closely, and most probably we would have taken a leave and pursued it again next year. There isn't a lot of space for difficult behavior that requires management in theater--that's just my observation. I do stay at all rehearsals, however, and I think that helps. My child is HIGHLY motivated to do this, is happy to even have an entry level role, and I think this impacts the behavior.

[Mom2GCNJ]

Originally Posted by karne

If you are seeking performance art as a therapeutic means, than you might want to look either into smaller productions, or better yet, talk w/the therapist about whether there are therapeutic performing arts options around you.

Thank you for your comment. As I mentioned above, a therapeutic arts program as been deemed inappropriate for my daughter because her struggles, while challenging to manage at times, do not rise to the level of serious mental illness. Such a setting may do more harm than good for her at this point.

[Mom2GCNJ]

Originally Posted by Shaki

I would suggest being gracious with the director, and maybe taking some of your own advice about positive feedback when you look at the process. What are the things about the rehearsal process and show that were positives for your DD?

Shaki, thank you so much. Your comments were very helpful to me. I agree with you about offering positive comments to the director. Despite what it may seem from what I have written here, my overall impression of this program is overwhelmingly positive. I got my ire up more than I should have or meant to here because I let myself be put on the defensive.

Coincidentally, I have taken a few opportunities, including the first time (of two) the director talked to me about my daughter's problems in rehearsal, to tell her how impressed I am with her program and her ability to manage so many personalities. My thoughts have changed, but only slightly, since having observed notes and the show. The issues I am talking about boil down to a few words, perhaps a couple of sentences, that if they had been said could have made a difference for my child. That is all. I don't want to throw the baby out with the bath water. I don't want to mount a revolution in the theater world. I am, however a person who, when she sees something that could be better, believes she should do something about it. I know that is not my place in this context.

I think I did a poor job here of describing what I would have said in a conversation with the director. In reality I'm a big believer in $hit sandwiches: this is wonderful....., that was a challenge - is there anyway we can look at that?...., but I overall I am so impressed and pleased..... I also really liked Juliebird's suggestions above - no blame - just working together. As clueless as I am to the ways of the theater, and as inept as I am in explaining myself in online forums, when it came right down to it there is no way I would have gone to the director and said "you are doing xy and z wrong".

But I won't be saying anything. We'll see what happens down the road if my daughter wants to audition again.

Thank you again Saki and everyone for all your helpful comments.

[fairejour]

I wouldn't bring it up until after the first rehearsal as well. We aren't talking about a profound disability that will require substantial accomidations, just a little patience, understanding and perhaps, mom staying close by.

I agree that perhaps this program isn't a good fit. For example, we wanted my little girl to take a dance class and one program in town is considered the BEST. We went in for a trial class.... They referred to pointed toes as "good feet" and flexed feet as "bad feet". Nope, no way, not for my 2 year old. Nothing about her is "bad", not even her feet. It was a bad fit, and I let with an awful feeling. I have waited 5 more years and have now signed her up for a community ed. dance class. We'll see how it goes on Monday. Also, we have not yet informed her teacher about her disability, we will do it before class on Monday, or maybe I'll send her an email in sec, now that I'm thinking about it....

[pigpokey]

I do want to read all the responses but I need to go now, so here's my feedback.

I would not say anything. Even if it is a training group.

I think the best way to move forward would be for her to do some more classes with them and then at some point, go into another show with them at the point where she has processed all this and can deal with a repeat of the same experience. Because they may give her another part without lines to see if she can handle less-replaceable parts.

Is there any paid acting going on in your city? Is it a big city? My kids enjoy jobs that last a day -- or half a day -- very fun! Commercials, music videos, modeling, etc. Stage is so demanding. Maybe this is not the right time in her life for the stage.

[mamaofthree]

i don't think you are getting the feed back here that you want. lol you mentioned your dd had issues, so everyone with some sort of theater experience or performing arts experience is saying that her behavior was out of line... YES you said it was also, but they are reaffirming that. and i have yet to see anyone say she should not be let out of the house until she is under complete control of herself (which you keep saying they are saying), what i have seen is that they are suggesting that this theater company may not be the right fit for your daughter.
if this company does have smaller productions then i would say let her continue those and WORK WITH HER on her first impressions OR talk to the teachers/directors about her needs. because yes they should accommodated children who behave "outside the norm" they can't spend long amounts of time with just one kid helping her adjust, especially if this happens every time she is in a new situation (which is what you said she does).
if she truly loves theater and wants to continue, then she needs to work on her personal skills. because pushing boundaries, testing directors and teachers for a long period of time to see what she can get away with will give her a "bad name" in the community and it may taint their view of her for the future.
so YES let her out and let her preform and let her improve her acting chops, and remind her of all the things you said you remind her of (there are no small parts, etc) and also work with her and her boundary testing issues.
i loved the suggestion of a young persons improv troupe! that is a great idea. the kids could work together for awhile and really get into a groove. if there is such a thing there will be critiques because there will always be room for improvement, BUT she may have more fun. and improve her over all performance ability.
as for her no speaking role... well i am sorry, but sometimes there are just extras. even just ONE extra. my dd was in a high school play she didn't have a speaking part, they worked hard, rehearsed ALOT and had to sit thru notes also. it wasn't easy, but my dd got alot out of it. and she was one of TWO people without speaking parts. lol the big roles went to the actors that have proven themselves, the small parts went to the newbies. that is what it is. maybe even if the play was written for this company MAYBE they made up the part so your dd could have something to do. they just didn't give her lines because there was nothing else to add. i don't think a play should be changed just so no one feels left out. someone wrote that in a certain way and they needed to fill parts.

h

[stik]

Regrettably, I think your dd's behavior has burned some bridges with that particular program, and you're not going to be able to fix it.

I like the idea of a kids' improv group. If you have access through your dd's school or a local homeschool group, Odyssey of the Mind might also suit her - there are strong performance elements in many problems that might appeal to her theatrical side, the groups are small (typically 5-7 students), and judges are trained to give as much positive feedback as possible. Team coaches play a very different role than theater directors - OM coaches sometimes give notes, but technically, they can only do that if the team asks them to.

[Mom2GCNJ]

Originally Posted by stik

Regrettably, I think your dd's behavior has burned some bridges with that particular program, and you're not going to be able to fix it.

I like the idea of a kids' improv group. If you have access through your dd's school or a local homeschool group, Odyssey of the Mind might also suit her - there are strong performance elements in many problems that might appeal to her theatrical side, the groups are small (typically 5-7 students), and judges are trained to give as much positive feedback as possible. Team coaches play a very different role than theater directors - OM coaches sometimes give notes, but technically, they can only do that if the team asks them to.

Thank you Stik. I'll have to do a little more research about the improv group suggestion. I do not exaggerate when I say I am clueless about theater type things.

When she was 6, M was involved in Destination Imagination, which sounds similar to to OM. She and I both really liked it. Looking back that was probably her first opportunity to "put on a play". She did really well and I don't recall any behavior issues. Thanks for the suggestion - I will explore that option again.

[Girlprof]

Honestly, I have a pretty different take on all of this. This is *children's* theater, for goodness sake. I have a friend who directs adult community theater and professional theater - there are definitely many, many grown-up actors who throw hissy fits. Of course it shouldn't happen, but of course it does. Frankly, from his stories, I think some people involved in theater even sort of like this because it adds to the *drama*. God knows, the actors aren't the only ones doing it.

But for children's theater? These are still kids. I don't care if you're doing Annie on Broadway - kids are going to get upset sometimes, perhaps in a way that is less reasonable than adults, but also perhaps not.

You know what else? If they were already adjusting some lines, I really don't see why they couldn't have adjusted things a bit more to give your DD a line as well. Line changes happen in real live professional grown-up theater as well. Not usually to be fair, but they certainly happen for other reasons.

Mom2GCCNJ, you strike me as incredibly reasonable and that you have put up with this discussion for so long shows me that you really want to figure this out and help your daughter. You don't have to take my advice over anyone else's, but I would go ahead and talk to the director, after the last performance, on a different day, when things are calmer. I would say more or less what you have said here. Thank you so much, your daughter loved being in the show even if she was maybe over her head, and also, what can you and/or your daughter do about the possibility of other performances, perhaps in the far-off future. I don't know if I would personally be brave enough to bring up the line issue, but I think you could say something like, I noticed DD was the only one without a speaking part. What could she do differently in the future to have the opportunity to speak?

You're one tough mama and it sounds like you've been through the wringer in real life as well as a bit on here. I wish you and your DD the very best.

[fairejour]

Originally Posted by stik

Regrettably, I think your dd's behavior has burned some bridges with that particular program, and you're not going to be able to fix it.

I like the idea of a kids' improv group. If you have access through your dd's school or a local homeschool group, Odyssey of the Mind might also suit her - there are strong performance elements in many problems that might appeal to her theatrical side, the groups are small (typically 5-7 students), and judges are trained to give as much positive feedback as possible. Team coaches play a very different role than theater directors - OM coaches sometimes give notes, but technically, they can only do that if the team asks them to.

OM!?! I did OM in middle and High school. Our team went to world and we won 4 Ranatra Fusca's! Boy, haven't thought of that in a looooong time!

[txdancer]

Originally Posted by Mom2GCNJ

When she was 6, M was involved in Destination Imagination, which sounds similar to to OM. She and I both really liked it. Looking back that was probably her first opportunity to "put on a play". She did really well and I don't recall any behavior issues. Thanks for the suggestion - I will explore that option again.

DI is related to OM in that it sprung off of OM after a dispute over profit. OM is now a for-profit competition, and DI is non-profit but they are basically the same thing still. It will just depend on what your local area does.

[Mom2GCNJ]

Originally Posted by Girlprof

Honestly, I have a pretty different take on all of this. This is *children's* theater, for goodness sake. I have a friend who directs adult community theater and professional theater - there are definitely many, many grown-up actors who throw hissy fits. Of course it shouldn't happen, but of course it does. Frankly, from his stories, I think some people involved in theater even sort of like this because it adds to the *drama*. God knows, the actors aren't the only ones doing it.

But for children's theater? These are still kids. I don't care if you're doing Annie on Broadway - kids are going to get upset sometimes, perhaps in a way that is less reasonable than adults, but also perhaps not.

You know what else? If they were already adjusting some lines, I really don't see why they couldn't have adjusted things a bit more to give your DD a line as well. Line changes happen in real live professional grown-up theater as well. Not usually to be fair, but they certainly happen for other reasons.

Mom2GCCNJ, you strike me as incredibly reasonable and that you have put up with this discussion for so long shows me that you really want to figure this out and help your daughter. You don't have to take my advice over anyone else's, but I would go ahead and talk to the director, after the last performance, on a different day, when things are calmer. I would say more or less what you have said here. Thank you so much, your daughter loved being in the show even if she was maybe over her head, and also, what can you and/or your daughter do about the possibility of other performances, perhaps in the far-off future. I don't know if I would personally be brave enough to bring up the line issue, but I think you could say something like, I noticed DD was the only one without a speaking part. What could she do differently in the future to have the opportunity to speak?

You're one tough mama and it sounds like you've been through the wringer in real life as well as a bit on here. I wish you and your DD the very best.

Thank you Girlprof.

[karne]

It might "just" be children's theater, but it's still a large effort to put on a production. I think the key is to know your child, and know the program. There are definitely programs that are more low key, the program is more of an ensemble rather than a traditional main actors, supporting roles, general cast type of situation. Big productions aren't for everyone, esp. in the beginning, so it can be worthwhile to start small, low key, and work up if that experience is a good one.