3yo prefers chatting with adults, doesn't have much to do with other kids - thoughts?

[KLM99]

I've noticed recently that my 3yo doesn't really seem to engage with other children and seems to be a bit of a loner. However, she is very comfortable talking with adults. I saw some particular examples this weekend and am a bit concerned, or at least interested, in why she may be acting the way she does. We had a playdate on Saturday, and she spent the whole time talking with the mom and the girls just sort of played around each other. We went to a party last night, and there was a pack of kids running around playing together. My DD had a great time - playing by herself or swapping stories with some of our adult neighbors. She seems to be interested in watching the kids, but doesn't interact with them. It doesn't seem to bother her - she's never said that anyone is mean or wished someone would play with her.

Just curious if anyone has experienced anything similar or if anyone has thoughts on what could be going on. Or maybe it's just my DD and as long as she's not unhappy, I shouldn't even think about it

[4evermom]

Many kids are still doing parallel play at age 3. Many can't talk well enough to hold up their end of deciding what and how to play. They don't always respond to dc approaching and saying "Hi, my name is ___, want to play?" I feel like it is really common for more verbal kids to want to interact with older kids and adults. Adults are so much more reliable, don't commandeer their toys, follow directions well... What's not to like?

My ds did always like other kids as well as adults but playing with other 3 yo when he was 3 wasn't great. I feel like he had to wait til the other kids got older, like 6, to play with same aged kids.

[St. Margaret]

Yeah, DD is totally like this. It's just a habit b/c she's always been more verbal, and has often been the oldest of the group, and yeah, adults make great playmates! I wouldn't be concerned about any kid doing more parallel play at this point.

[LuxPerpetua]

My dd is nearly 5 and has always been like this. I remember being like this as a child too. Part of the issue is that she's a lot more mature emotionally and intellectually than other kids her age. She's an only so she's used to hanging out with us and my parents. Other kids are rather "odd" to her--they don't share, they do stupid things sometimes, they have difficulty enunciating clearly (my dd is a stickler for clear language), we have always homeschooled/been at home so she's never been thrown in to a daycare situation with lots of other kids, etc. Every time we are with another child I have to be there to referee and tell dd what the other child says and make sure the other child plays nicely and such. It's exhausting for me. I think I've heard for kids like ours that around 6 the other kids tend to "catch up" so there's less disparity. I hope that's true.

[Cascadian]

I agree on the parallel play thing as well. My kids were like this, then hit synchronicity with their peers and they prefer the company of peers now.

TBH I think that at that age, some kids need/want the kind of verbal/emotional positive feedback their parents or other adults give to them - you know, 1 on 1 attention, rather than being 'ignored' or having to mirror emotions back to OTHER kids who may not be paying attention to them or filling their emotional needs.

Example; a child we have over for a playdate - 5 yrs old - is always following me or DH around, engaging us, basically seeking out positive reinforcement from us. She's a bit of a black hole for whatever reason and can't seem to get enough adult attention as she obviously doesn't it that focussed from her peer friends.

[KLM99]

Originally Posted by Cascadian

TBH I think that at that age, some kids need/want the kind of verbal/emotional positive feedback their parents or other adults give to them - you know, 1 on 1 attention, rather than being 'ignored' or having to mirror emotions back to OTHER kids who may not be paying attention to them or filling their emotional needs.

Example; a child we have over for a playdate - 5 yrs old - is always following me or DH around, engaging us, basically seeking out positive reinforcement from us. She's a bit of a black hole for whatever reason and can't seem to get enough adult attention as she obviously doesn't it that focussed from her peer friends.

OP here - Ah!! THIS is what I'm worried about. And I'm afraid she's not learning how to give and take with peers because it's fairly easy to get positive feedback from an adult when you're a cute 3yo.

[4evermom]

Originally Posted by KLM99

OP here - Ah!! THIS is what I'm worried about. And I'm afraid she's not learning how to give and take with peers because it's fairly easy to get positive feedback from an adult when you're a cute 3yo.

Give it a few years for the other kids to catch up. My ds now wants me to get lost when he has a friend to play with.

He was the type to want constant one on one interaction, never played alone until he was about 6...