Originally Posted by cristina47454
He's still talking about taking over the finances, which is also freaking me out. Historically speaking, he's been TERRIBLE about paying bills on time and has been known to just stop opening mail when he gets stressed about money. The only reason we have maintained good credit is because I took over the bills. I had to take over a couple of his business bills bcs he simply wasn't paying them. He does need to get more involved in the finances, yes. Currently he know about how much we have in expenses, but if he were responsible for figuring out what needed to be paid and when, maybe he would understand my panic!
From this I get the sense that, in your view, his taking over the finances means you do not have a regular update of what is going on such that he could blow off paying bills long enough for it to impact your long and short term financial situation.
After nearly 7 years (Nov 8, woo hoo!) of marriage, I am finally realizing that my managing the finances doesn't give my husband a license to bury his head in the sand about them. I'm not saying that is what you would do; that's what my husband has done. By the same token, I have responded in a way that says, yes, this is all my responsibility. I'm finally realizing it isn't.
So, for us, that means putting the budget down on paper - a copy for each of us - and having a conversation around it. Monthly. We have excess in our budget and we're squeaking by at the end of the month. There is no financial reason for that. It happens because we have different priorities and don't communitcate about them well enough and try to spend on all of these things rather than coming together and prioritizing them as a couple. It's happening because we're not communicating effectively about finances or much of anything else for that matter.
I would try to make your husband's desire to manage the finances an opportunity to have regular monthly discussions. If that is a challenge in the beginning, and you have a joint checking account, check it on weekly basis. Look at the checkbook to see if any checks have been written or check your account to see if they have been paid on line. In this way, you can also manage your own financial anxiety and attempt to be a full financial partner. I can imagine that if your husband is going to be territorial about financial management that this may be challenging to say the least. But, it sounds like a communication and coming together as one process that you all are still working on. I recognize it because I'm there, too.