Picking up after herself

[3xMama]

DD is 4.5 and I think she's plenty old enough to pick up after herself. We try to make it fun, but she doesn't like picking up and whines through the whole thing. We also try to stress picking up her toys as soon as she is done with them so its not such a huge mess at the end of the day. If I try to have her pick something up and I don't come and help her do it, she throws a fit. I am there to help her out some of the time, but other times when I notice her playing a new game, I'll ask her to put away the old one. Because I am busy and can't help at that exact moment, that's when the tears come. Am I expecting too much for her to be able to do it alone? Should I reserve the times I ask her to pick up for a point where I can be there and help her?

When I do help her, she does most of the manual labor, I'm mostly there for moral support and to point out a toy or two that's hiding. So I know she can pick up. I also thank her for doing what I asked and helping keep our house clean.

[LynnS6]

IMO, 4 1/2 is a bit young to expect this independently. It's definitely too young for her to remember to pick up something before she moves on to a new game. And once she's in the middle of something new, I can understand how being interrupted to pick up something might cause tears.

how about a designated 'picking up' time where you work together and she knows it's clean-up time? So, just before or after snacks, lunch, outings would be a good time.

[Llyra]

I don't agree. My kids have been picking up after themselves since they were about two and a half. Actually, they've been doing it since they could crawl, on some small level-- I've increased the expectation as they get older.

The younger two are 3 1/2 now and clean up their own toys with very little help from me. But I don't insist that it be done right away after they play. Sometimes they're in the middle of doing something, and it's frustrating to be interrupted.

We have designated clean-up times in the house-- just after lunch, and just after dinner. At those two times, everything must be put away-- except ongoing projects that obviously need to be left out for subsequent days, like the set of butterfly wings DD1 is painting, or a Lego project that's going to take several days. I tolerate all kinds of ongoing purposeful projects being all over the place. But just toys? Twice a day I want a clean house. We are five people in a very small home, and if we didn't clean up, we'd be overrun. And I don't play with toys. I have enough to clean up, without toys being part of it.

I think they're used to it. It's always been the expectation, since they were crawling infants, and so it's never occurred to them to really protest. But if they did protest, my approach would be kinda hardline: they're your toys, so clean them up, or I will, and if I clean them up, they're going on the top shelf of my closet for a few days.

It sounds like she's learned that tears and a fuss will excuse her from the job. If it were me, I'd decide on a set of expectations, then clearly communicate them. Then I'd insist that they be done-- and ignore all protests to the contrary.