Choosing a place for DS's bday party - how to convince him

[busymama77]

DS1 wants to have his bday party at Chuck E Cheese. I just can't do it. I've been there for three bday parties in the past year or so and walked out with my head spinning! Overpriced and way too chaotic. But he's bound and determined to have it there next year (January).

So, yesterday, we went to a local children's book store for a halloween themed playdate and they do birthday parties and can cater around the theme that your child wants. It's $150 for up to 12 kids and it includes everything from the invites to the thank you cards, to a craft, lunch, etc., All we have to do it bring the cake! I thought this would be perfect and right within our budget!!

How do I convince him to go the bookstore route? The playdate that we had yesterday, he got to dress up in his costume, eat pizza, do a craft and play with some other kids. He also got a new book! But each time I mention doing it at the bookstore, he's like "no, mom...I want to have my birthday at Chuck E Cheese!!"

[sapphire_chan]

He can spend his birthday at Chuck E. Cheese--IF he can find an adult (including responsible 16 year olds ) who is willing to go with him. You'll pay for him and the adult to go there and eat and do stuff, you'll drive him, but that's it. No party, no friends. Just Chuck E. Cheese. (And presents and family cake at home.)

Or he can have a regular birthday party at the book store or other in-the-budget and not-noisy locale.

[TiredX2]

Ummmm... I would seriously reconsider Chuck E Cheese. I, personally, hate the place and my kids think the food is HORRID, but... they love going there.

If you don't like the noise--- can you go at an off time? The cost--- they will let you bring in your own cake and you only have to pay the Birthday Party cost if you want the reserved seats. You can easily go there early and set up a table. Then provide drinks, cake & tokens and you're set. There is currently an online coupon for 140 tokens for $25, so for the same price as the book store ($150) you could get 840 tokens (I don't think you need that many for 12 kids AT ALL, just demonstrating). Or, if you think you really can't handle a party at Chuck E Cheese how about just DS & his best friend?

To me, it is really clear what your DS seems to want. If you want to not do that, I would consider just not doing a birthday party. Do you really want to spend effort and $150+ to have DS saying, "but I want to go to Chuck E Cheese"?

[lilyka]

I would just tell him "No Chuck." and give him several options of where he may have his party that fit within your tolerance level, values, taste, and budget.

[SilverLace]

If you are really committed to not going there then you need to tell him, explain why and start the moving on process.

Not saying no now is just going to confuse him and make it worse.

Since he's not taking your more subtle approach (and why would he?) you are just going to have to tell him.

I really liked sapphire_chan's idea.

[Linda on the move]

You tell him "no." You tell him his options for the party, and that he can have a party or not have a party, but it is NOT at someplace that gives mommy a headache. Mommies get to draw boundaries about things like this for the sake of our own sanity.

You let him be unhappy about it for a few days, and the you let him get over it. If, once he agrees to a different party, he acts badly about it, tell him the party is off.

I don't go for the non-coersive parenting thing. This is an extremely reasonable boundary to draw with a child.

[LynnS6]

My dh and I have said "No Chuck E. Cheese" because the kids at the party don't play WITH each other, they play the video games instead. We want our children to interact with their guests. They've grumbled a bit, but because we've been adamant that WE are not going to pay for a party there, it's been a non-issue.

Dh has taken them to the evil mouse restaurant at other times so they can play the video games there (bless him, I find the place gives me a nervous breakdown). Maybe that's a compromise?

You might also consider a slightly more active bday party -- bouncey places or indoor parks?

[MJB]

I'm having this exact issue. We did CEC last year and I REALLY don't want a repeat. I'm trying to convince him that something else (anything!) would be better. It *is* cheap though. We spent maybe $50 last year because we didn't pay the party fee, we just bought tokens and pizza for all the kids and brought our own cake. There are soooo many coupons for tokens and pizza online.

[Owen'nZoe]

Yes, as cool as a bookstore party sounds to me, I'm not sure it'd hit the mark with a kid who really wants Chuck E Cheese. What about bowling or minigolf?

[texmati]

Originally Posted by Linda on the move

You tell him "no."

yeah, I'd go with this. If he's old enough to understand, I'd maybe talk to him about how we support businesses with our money.

[Irishmommy]

It's his birthday. If it were me, I'd suck it up and do what he wants for his birthday.

[shanniesue2]

Originally Posted by Irishmommy

It's his birthday. If it were me, I'd suck it up and do what he wants for his birthday.

Unless there isn't any way you can afford CEC, then I agree with this... I just think about how I would feel if I REALLY wanted to do something for my birthday and DH or anyone else told me no simply because he doesn't enjoy that place... I would be at least a little annoyed.

[Drummer's Wife]

We've done CEC before, and yeah... it wasn't very fun for me. But the kids enjoyed it, so it was worth the headache. Just take 4 advil before going, and order their watered down beer.

[Mom2M]

Originally Posted by shanniesue2

Unless there isn't any way you can afford CEC, then I agree with this... I just think about how I would feel if I REALLY wanted to do something for my birthday and DH or anyone else told me no simply because he doesn't enjoy that place... I would be at least a little annoyed.

I agree with this, especially if he was given a choice of where he wanted his party. I hate that place too and hopefully none of DD's friends will ever have a party there so that she will never even know it exists!

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by busymama77

DS1 wants to have his bday party at Chuck E Cheese. I just can't do it.

I find it fascinating that the OPer started the thread with this. Reading the responses, you'd think she'd asked if she should have the party there even though she feels she can't.

Reasonable adults celebrating a birthday attempt to come up with something that will be fun for them as well as for the most important people they want there. Small children aren't capable of that. Part of how they learn empathy and accept boundaries is by us talking to them and setting boundaries.

One of my kids has sensory issues. At this point in her life, she could go into someplace like Chuck E Cheese, but she would be a complete basket case later. I see what things are like for her, and I wonder if the OP is similar.

Just because it's a person's birthday does not give them the right to make others miserable, esp. their mother!

[lilyka]

I have sensory issues and just cannot do chuck e cheese. I can't have fun or watch the kids or even say my own name after a few minutes. I am also surprised by the number of drunk people there (but then not. i mean alcohol probably makes it a lot more tolerable) After being trapped in the bathroom with a a swearing drunk i decided this was not an edifying environment for children.

SInce it would be my responsibility to watch every ones kids and be a good host I could not go to chuck. Because I could not do those things in that environment.

[shanniesue2]

Thank you for clarifying, OP. I didn't realize there were sensory issues involved.

when I read your op, I took it to mean that you just didn't like the place and thought it was obnoxious. If that were the case I think those are good reasons to avoid places for casual family dinners, etc. But not enough to say no to a birthday request. However, having sensory problems is a different story, and if CEC renders you unable to be attentative to the children you're supposed to be watching... that's a different story. Is there anyway that you can explain to DS specifically why you don't want to go to CEC and ask him to brainstorm other ideas that would be fun? Maybe as a birthday gift, you could get him some tokens and ask a grandparent or friend to take him as a special outing?

[GuildJenn]

Originally Posted by lilyka

I have sensory issues and just cannot do chuck e cheese. I can't have fun or watch the kids or even say my own name after a few minutes. I am also surprised by the number of drunk people there (but then not. i mean alcohol probably makes it a lot more tolerable) After being trapped in the bathroom with a a swearing drunk i decided this was not an edifying environment for children.

SInce it would be my responsibility to watch every ones kids and be a good host I could not go to chuck. Because I could not do those things in that environment.

The Wall Street Journal did a little piece on violence and drunkenness at Chuck E. Cheese a couple of years ago. Thanks to the magic of Google! Here it is: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122878081364889613.html

OP, I think being direct is best. "As your parents, we don't think CEC is a good place for your party this year, so let's pick something else together."

[mtiger]

Originally Posted by shanniesue2

Thank you for clarifying, OP. I didn't realize there were sensory issues involved.

Except.... OP didn't say that there ARE sensory issues - another poster wondered if that was the problem.

I'm on the bench of "it's his bday - let him have it where HE wants, as long as it is affordable". I've been in the place of "no - we're not doing that for your bday because I don't enjoy it" and it really casts a pall on the day. At least HIM, I could ditch.

[oaktreemama]

I have been to one CEC bday party and it was pretty awful. The food was beyond bad, the whole place was sticky, there were drunk adults there (I had no idea they served alcohol), and it was so loud no one could even interact with each other.

I want my little boy to have fun at his bday party. I would try to find a suitable alternative and really involve my little boy in the process. But, I would not yield on this matter either.

Good luck. I hope you can find a venue you can all agree on.